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Show IKL1GS. Srl,.-n.''.-a.lv i Uillm,' u ' .ri.l:ill cliuuibvr'j L'Jf. A Jivtor'. iiinno i--itipo.-i'J i" W, "Haii.-uis and long s-uil-'tin." lluw to mtikt the time go txt Use the spur of the moment. j A man writes to say be only bai LeiJ j one horse in his liti ami that vu.t into ! a shop window. A wolf went into a lhiluth church, ; tho other Sunday, aud was bo mucli ; affected that heture ho cot out he was ! converted into a corpse. Tho New Orleans Times says ol' thai j young lady whose dress resembled I ."Arctic moonlight," tint bhe was so: brilliant '"you could see lo read by iher." A Delaware eal'mg-houje announces its ''lith Ticks" in a placard so well written as to bhow that the penman- ship h far in advance of the orthn-grapliy orthn-grapliy ol' the writer. A man who married u huxoin Irish girl, greatly to the horror of his ! mother and sister, made the following idei'enee: "If I married an American ! girl I must have an Irish pirl to take icare of her, and I cannot a (lord tn suji-; suji-; port both of them." , An unreasonable and oiin'viat misanthropic ftCiniainiaiKC remarks tliat he has often heard the proverb. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," .but he -ays lie ein't se where lint lauirh couich in. Hi-has a friend in need who w always borrowing iiihiii i of him. : Soiuo lime uju n woman wa tried and proven guilty of murder in the ibaokwood counties of Mississippi. Her jeounsel could tind no redeeming clause to save, and at last appealed to the j chivalry of tho jury, who gave their verdict, "Not guilty -because she is rt woman." 1 An old lady in Brooklyn, on reading an account oi' tho carrying away o! n jsohonner's jib-boom, tho other night on Long Island Sound, wondered "why peoplo tcould bo so careless as to ; leave such things out doors night?, Iwhen bo many Imrglara worn nround 'stealing everything ihey could lay their ihand.i on." An invalid once complained to his ', neighbor of a shanghai which the I latter kept. Tho bird was a terrible nuisance, nnd gave him no peace day or night. "But," paid tho skeptical owner, "my cock "only crows (bur or ! five times a day. I don't pee how that loon annoy you ho much." "Recauso," ; replied tho sufferer, "you don't take into account all tho times when I am j expecting him to orow." ' Tho lust ooamelic English women ihave begun to uso is from au old rc- cipo revived from Queon Anne's time, i namely, cucumbers steeped in milk. I Venus rose from tho foam of the sea, i but modern beauty rises majestic from jcurd hoops and lettuce-beds, with oat-l oat-l meal plasters on its faco, chloride on its locks, bismuth on its lingers, to jgivo a pearly appearance, a steol band i lor a ocstus, and layed with a decoo-ition decoo-ition of cucumbers and blue milk. Why go through so much to get so little? One evouiug John Smith had been dipping rather too freely in the convivial con-vivial bowl with a friend, and on ciucrg-jing ciucrg-jing into the open air, his intellect ha-camo ha-camo in a considerable degree confused, 'and not being able to distinguish objects ob-jects with any degreo of certainly, he I thought himself in a fair way of losing i tho road to his own houso. In this 1 pcrploxity ho espied some one coming 'toward him, whom ho stopped, with l this quory, "D'ye known where John j Smith lives?" "Where's the use of asking that questioni"' Raid the man, j "you'ro John Smith biniscif," "J i know that," answered John, "but it's i not himself that's wanted it's his i ll0U3C." |