Show I The Hotel CI Clerk tN on t Poets ts and Spring BY IRVIN S COBB COB J Hicks was In here a awhile awhile while ago said the Hotel Clerk as he hemet hemet hemet met the House Detective in their fa favorite corner of the St Reckless cafe he Inquired the House De Detective Detective Detective His Hla name sounds like a t symptom Hes a poet said tha th Hotel Botel Clerk I 1 gave him a dollar to get Ret his laundry Ia out He was wearing a collar with a border on it like a mourning envelope Hes got a bad cold coldI I had a bad cold myself last week and I aint no poet at that said the House Detective I know said the Hotel Clerk But got his sitting on the hillside In Central park where the soft sott and fragrant grass is growing or will be bein beIn bein in a month from now if we have good goodluck luck with the weather A sparrow rap cop CP shooed him away in time to save him from pneumonia but hes lies got a lovely loeh cold that with the proper care ought to last him until time for it to e imperceptibly into hay fever wet in thunder he on the ground up in the park for in inquired Inquired the House Detective A baby d know lenow that thatA thatA thatA A baby might but a poet said Raid the Hotel Clerk Not N t a true poet like He was sitting there thereupon thereupon upon the greensward only its not green yet but watching the nodding and getting inspiration for a poem Wheres any or flower either in Central nark park this time of year yearl asked the House Detective On the hats of the ladles ladies that were driving past said the Hotel Clerk Oodles of em They were swirling by in fn their little neck cabs and their Victorias and an their little hot lIbster Newburgh automobiles and he was sitting on the only grass he could find one tender young blade two inches long beholding them swirl They TIley were pitying because he was wearing that collar I told you about Just now and a coat with fth glacier effects along the seams and he was pitying them because they see anything an in fn the promise of ot budding springtime except mental pictures of shad roe and those new tailored suit coats like all the women are wearing this year ear with little hip roofs sticking out behind Well if youre askin me Id a blame sight rather be along the East Drive in my own little gaso gasoline gasoline gasoline line than all spread out on a damp slope up Influenza germs genns through my pores said the House Hous DetectiVe I be able to write no poems on spring but lIn t uy time I wanted any I could give a poet poeta a n dollar and a quarter to turn me oit out one to order Well I dont know said the Hotel Clerk Sometimes I wish vi h Larry Lam that I was a poet I dont mean one of those sordid commercial poets that sets Jets nine thousand dollars for thinking up a word that will rhyme with Rap Rappahannock Rappahannock for tor a railroad ad but a atrue atrue atrue true poet who can put his mind above such common earthly things as board bills and room rent and where hes her co eo coing o ing to get his next meal meala a poet pMt that hot can spurn all thoughts of the r struggle for mere dress which is i a poets name for U S currency Larry Larr and just naturally soar aloft into In to the starry realms of fancy like a fright frightened frightened frightened ened bullbat the way wa with Hh J Hicks He make e ea a success as a or a pawn broker or a United States sen senator senator senator ator or at any other profession cail catl catling cailIng cailing ing for the ability to size up the mn m n possibilities of a proposition off offhand offhand offhand hand But as a poet hes the real Brussels sprouts He has no use for money or very ye little No true poet has When you hear of a n poet being financially embarrassed it ft means hes come Into money mone I love to hear discourse on his Ills art He puts a sea shell to his ear and shuts his eyes and hears Bears the murmur of waves and the tIle dash of breakers and poetry I Y pointed out to him that you can take one n of those tin cuspidors and hold bold it to your our ear and get the dash of waves or the dash of orange bitters or whatever it Is just the same Mme as if It was a sea shell you had yet et that be poetry told me It and he knows if anybody does docs docsA A lot depends on the point of view will know spring is here by the lush green greengrass grass and you ou and men mell know its here by the lush green mint julip For hushing lushing purposes I regard the Julip as having the grass beaten the length of this bar But dont think so Hell go mooning along trying to pump divine afflatus out of his system until a cab or something runs over him Theres a lot of signs telling me spring is at hand that appeal to him I guess its fine In the coun oun country country try with the nervous young debutante hen laying the dropped egg and the suburban dairyman figuring on tap tapping tapping tapping ping the new aqueduct and enlarging his business The sap by now Is mount mounting mounting ing upward In the water maple and the boys The golden dan dandelions dandelions dandelions delions will soon be buttoning the meadow down the back With baited breath you will speak to me ot of sung y onions and I will turn my head away overcome by the rush of reminiscent memories and altogether we will promenade to the lunch counter and partake of the new radish that tattI tai ti est of fruits that sometimes you OU can ron taste for hours and hours and noura nour I Then theres another thing that tells me spring Is here Colonel George Harvey has emerged from his literary litera hibernation with his annual suggestion suggestion suggestion tion for a model newspaper As ex explained explained by Colonel Harvey the model newspaper r will contain no crimes or scandals or divorce suits such as everybody deplores so deeply and reads so eagerly It will be a publication publication tion such as you would put into the hands of a young woman with every assurance and take it away from her again with even greater ease The only illustration will be a fineview of Greenwood cemetery on a Monday morning Its editorial page will be befree befree befree free from sensationalism There will willbe willbe willbe be a leader on the decline of the stewed prune industry in southern California weighing from twelve to fourteen pounds troy weight a spirit spirited ed attack on the pernicious boll weevil wee weevil weevil vil and two chaste d paragraphs para paragraphs paragraphs graphs but never any an more The sporting department will be edited with the same care Parties who desire de desire d sire to know the ratio at which Herr Hans Wagner is swatting the leath with the elongated hickory cudgel must look elsewhere re Those seeking for expert opinions as asto asto asto to whether the newest middleweight champion has two chunks of yellow ellow in him like a n dou egg or one large chunk like a grape fruit will be disappointed Colonel Harveys sporting page will contain a column devoted to chess problems with exciting diagrams and anal anla anda a story on the result of the member membership membership membership ship contest in the West Side T Y M lr C CA CHis CA A His sporting editor will he Edward EdwardK EdwardI K Ii I Bok The model newspaper will not be a bulky cumbersome thing It will be bea a small compact dainty affair such as can be folded ant slipped In fn the breast pocket and easily forgotten By putting a heliotrope border bordel on the upper edge and sprinkling sprinkling sprinkling ling it with Florida water It can be made to pass for fora a neat pocket hand handkerchief handkerchief kerchief But theres just one drawback Lar Larry LarTY Larry ry TY Its circulation will be limited The circulation will be confined to the fa faculty faculty faculty culty of Harvard college Richard Watson Gilder and Colonel Harveys club set Its going to take a lot of education to wean the masses away from the Sunday newspaper that dont Ilont contain anything an but two or three thousand columns of cable news and 1111 specials and features and ami pictures and magazine pages not to mention m a cutout puzzle a paper toy a water watercolor watercolor watercolor color painting suitable for framing a comic section and the complete and music of the latest popular song sons hit a as rendered In the Green Cheese Chiel c musical comedy entitled They Used to Call ole lie Birdie Because I Had the Thrush And I know Its spring or approximately approximately so when I stroll up Broad Broadway Broadway way The actors that are congested there tell me so That is to say sa they tha dont tell me In so many words be because because because cause no experienced actor Is going to waste time talking about the seasons of the year when he can assemble to together together together gether a patient audience of from one person up and talk about a more con congenial congenial congenial genial and attractive subject himself In the Interval between the closing of the road show that pay and the opening of the summer stock always going to pay old SI Whitlock has a surcease from tell telling tellIng telling ing Ralph Delmore the wolf wol in clothing that he came there with his slick city vest his bis striped ways and stole the he little gal away And so rugged old Uncle SI and villainous Ralph and all the others move right in and settle ettle along the Big Road where theres so much passing and make life the brighter for the rest of us The who understudied understudied understudied died Booth but was a long way un under under under der is here with the setting of moth eggs nestling beneath his fur collar waiting for warm weather to hatch out and the veteran I that tells the waiter walter to bring up his I I eggs of a morning in a voice like Farewell Address to His Generals and the lady who contract contracted ed hip In fn the first Rices Evangeline company but still good for If you dont put nut the accent on the last syllable and the I somber comedian who talks In whis whispers whispers pers because some Imitator might i steal the stuff sturt that ha he stole from Mc McIntyre McIntyre Intyre Heath n the fall tan of 97 9 and the show girl with the eye and the Dutch cheese complexion red tor for the first cost coat an anthen and l then a high polish put on afterwards they are all with us in th the spring springtime springtime springtime time Larry Is spring your favorite season asked the House Detective D te the It is until It conies comes and then It aint said the Hotel Clerk And the way with nearly neally everybody else els except the J |