Show I Say S ay Can c an You Y ou Beat B ea t E Eui In 7 BY BV SEWELL FORD the A Shows Tale Manly the in Art Which a Few Professor v Things McCabe About It was Wag Pinckney vat that got me up against this aggregation Course I 1 cant register any kick for when It comes to dC the friendship act the real skookum preferred But this was once when he slipped me a blank ij Looked like bein fed with a spoon too at the start All Alt I had to do was wa 1 to take the out to Blen p mont put in an hour with Jarvis ratch eatch the back and charge chargo anything I had the front to name nam more I kind of ot cottoned to Jarvis from the tho drop of or the hat I He was waltin at the station n for me with a cart and a couple of gingery circus horses hitched one in I front of the other like two links of They The were to play leapfrog as the train comes In but It seem to worry Jarvis any more than if It I he was a pair of or mall agon wagon plugs One of those big haps Jarvis was with nice blue eyes and hair There was a alot alot t lot of him and it was well placed He had sort cort of or a soothing easy way of talking too like a church organ with the soft pedal on Me and Jarvis got sot acquainted right away He said he care much about the game exactly need n ed It and am hed been through all that before anyway but mother and sister wanted him to take I it up again and told what I Ia a crackerjack I was so he thought he I might as well go in for It He said hed had a t little hole fixed up where one would do that sort of thing and he hoped I find It such a beastly bore after all allOh allOh allOh Oh he was a gent Mr Jarvis But what got me was the careless way he Juggled the reins over those two bob bobtailed bobtailed bobtailed tailed nags that was doln doin a a ragtime runaway and him only three fin fingers fingers fingers gers and em up with the whip It was waa his lucky day though and we got there without an ambulance ambulance ambulance lance lanceIt It was of or a n place to get to toyes yes about a hundred and steen rooms and bath I should sh uld say sa with a back backyard backard backyard yard ard that must have slopped over into Connecticut some what you get by havIn a who put his thumbprint on every dollar that came his way I guess Jarvis was used to In a place like that though He stop to tell what anything cost or show off of any an of the He Just led the th way through seven or eight parlors and palm rooms until we fetched up 1 In the hole hed fixed up to exercise in It was about three times as big as the studio here and if there was anything missing from the outfit I have told what it was rings bars rowIn machine bags dumb dumbbells bells say with a secretary and a few wall mottoes there was the makins of ofa ofa ofa a Y M ol C A branch right Tight on the ground Then there was wa i dressin rooms a shower bath and a tiled plunge tank like they have in these Turkish places Lucky you dont go In strong for exercise says I If you did I spose fix up Madison Square Garden That architect was an ass says Jarvis Tanis but mother told him to co go ahead Fancy Fanc he thought I 1 was San Sandow Sandow Sandow dow you know Well Veil we gets into our gym clothes picks out a set of kid pillows and had just stepped out on the rubber for tor a little up when in itt sails a fluff delegation dd There was a fat old one that looked as though she might be mother a slim one that any an piker would have played for sis sister sister ter and another no her that I place I at all She a Fifth FIrth avenue girl you ou could tell that by the way she 4 wore her hair bunched down on the nape of her neck but It ft was a cinch she any poor relation Lost their way goin to the mat matinee matInee matinee inee eh says I IJarvis IJarvis Jarvis gets pink clear down to his collar ollar bone and says something that sounds like lile Oh splash I beg par pardon pardon pardon don professor says he Its only mother and the girls Ill send them off of right shoo em says sas I 1 But mother shoo any more a trolley car Now dont be silly about it fl Jarvis dear says sTays she You know how Lady Evelyn dotes on athletics and how your sister and I 1 Ido Ido do too So were Just going to stay sta and watch you Oh come mother says Jarvis it Just the thing you know 4 r Ask Lady Evelyn Eveln says mother Why rhy one of the patronesses of the Cricket club and pours tea for the young oung men at their games Now go ahead Jarvis theres a adear adear adear dear He looks at me for a tip and that I gives him a hunch But the protes professor I Isor sor says ms he Oh Ohi Professor McCabe mind u ua 1 ta a bit do you Jou now professor says sister Ister buttin In real coy and giddy gidd I can stand It If It you can says I and she tips me a googoo smile that Aias tas all aU to the candied candled violets There says mother Now go rIght on as though we were ere not here at all But remember not to be too Tough rough Jarvis dear I grins at that and Jarvis dear looks than ever But the ladies ladles had settled themselves In front seats and there seem to be anything to do but to play marbles or quit an ango ango ango go home And say I dont know which looked hooked more like a stagehand caught aught In front of the drop Jarvis or orme orme orme me We went through some kind of motions though until I begins to get gel over oyer belo bein hem rattled Then I tries to brace him up Little faster aster with that right coun counter counter ter terr there says 1 And block more with your elbow Ah youre wide open see and I taps tape him once or twice Now look Jook out for this left lead to the face Come use that right a little TaInt in a sling is it Footwork now You sidestep like hike a truck horse There the article Now let em block counter unter c guard 4 You see I was doln doin my best to work up a little excitement and get Jarvis JanIs Jarvisto to forget the audience but it much use Ufe About all aU we did was to tn walk around and pat each other like Uke P a pair of kittens been as much puch exercise eX In fn passin the plate at church Mother thought It was wa lovely lovel though and sister had hat that gushy ushy look In her eyes that her kind wear ivar w aM after atter been blOn to tee se Maude Adams Lady Evelyn velyn though seem HP m to be struck truck silly by our per performance performance Sho She acted as though some sonje someone one flue had pad been to sell Fell a gold goldbrick brick Her nose was up In the tile air aIrl f V i and shed turned a shoulder to us like she was how long Jong it would be before the next act was put on blame her either That was the weakest Imitation of a bout I ever stood up UIl In But there was no Jarvis Hed got or cold feet or ort t something of or the kind It want ant that he know how for he had all the tags tass of a good amateur about his moves but somehow hed been queered So as soon as we can we weI I quits Then sister gets her chance to gush She rushes to the front and turns the baby stare on me like Ilke I was all the goods Oh it was just too sweet for any anything anything thing hays kays she Do you know pro professor professor professor fessor Ive always wanted to see a areal areal areal real boxing match but Jarvis would never let me before Hed He told mi m in horrid stories about how brutal they were Now I know nothing of the sort I shall come every ever time you ou and Jarvis have one and so will Lady Laay Evelyn You think it was brutal did you Evelyn 1 Lady Evelyn Even humped her eyebrows and gave me one look No says saya she sheI I call It brutal exactly and then she sho swallows a polite society snicker in a way that made me mad from the ground up Jarvis lose any of that either I got a glimpse of him turn In automobile red and try In to choke himself with his tongue Its something like the wand drill we used to do at college says sister Dont you like the wand drill professor sor When It aint done too rough Im dead stuck on it says I II II II I just knew you like rough Tough games says she You look as though you would you Jou know right says I IJarvis IJarvis IJarvis Jarvis says sas that once you you knocked out three men in one evening but Im sure you rude about it she gurgles And no pipe either says sas I II II II I be rude for money I What is a knockout anyway says she Why says saS I its just a feller around the platform until hes too dizzy ty t stand up What fun says sister We e makes a break for the dressin room abo it t then and the delegation clears out On the way back to the station Jarvis apologizes apologises seven seen dif different dIfferent ferent lerent ways was and ends up by givin me methe methe methe the cue ue to the whole game Seems that mothers steady job in life was to get him married off on to some one that suited her for a daugh Shed been at It for five fie or six years but Jarvis Janis had alway alwa blocked her moves moes until Lady Lad Eve Evelyn Evelyn lyn shows up I guessed that hed picked her out himself and md was as get gettin gettin gettin tin along fine when mother begins to mix in and arrange things Evelyn Eveln shies at that and commences to Hand nand Jarvis the smile This little visit to the exhibition the old lady had planned for Evelyns special benefit But hang it all says Jarvis I stand up there and show off like a Sunday y school boy speaking a apiece apiece apiece piece Made me feel like a silly ass you know You looked the part says I 1 About one more of those stunts and Lady want to adopt the two of or us usNo usNo usNo No more says he She must think Im a milksop Why hy got brothers that are officers In the Brit British BritIsh British ish army fellows who got themselves shot and win medals and all that sort of thing Well I was sorry sor for Jarvis Janis for tor the girl was a good looker all right and have mated up fine But Im to Physical cultures my game an I aint on no mar marriage marriage marriage bureau as a side line So we shook hands and called it a cancelled contract Then Jarvis jerks those cir circus circus circus cus horses out of or a bowknot and rounds the corner on one wheel while I climbs aboard the cars and gets back near Broadway I lookin to run across Jar Jarvis JarIs Jarvis vis Is again seem see In as how me and him has our own particular sets but I moren three days before he I I I Ii II i t Si i fr I p i i I I I t ti i tI I I i I i J J ll I 41 41 j J 4 4 J rit t S t tiT M iT vt i r Lost their way going to the matinee shows up at the studio He was look lookIn In down an n out too Dropped in for a real rough game of says I or shall we make it rosy I say now Shorty says he if had it rubbed in as hard as I 1 have let up Heard from Lady Evelyn says saya I 1 He kind of groaned and fell into a hair I i tried to tell Her lT h r about it says he but she listen n to a word She only asked aked If you were a professor of ot dancing Hully Hull chee says I Say Sa you tell her from me that Im a n cloak model an proud of It master eh eb Do you stand for a Josh like that Hang me If iC I do says saS he be up and off of threefoot steps across the floor The Lady Evelyns going back to England Engl md In in a n few lew days but before she leaves I 1 want her to have a chance to towell well to see that 7 S Ar 4 t I t j jI I Maka JL I 1 p j X XI sL IL k r v A f w wv wI I t v S 1 r r I There was a squeal or two as we sheds our bath robes Im not the sort she thinks I am And AndI I want you to help me out professor Ah say you got the wrong trans transfer transfer fer ter says I Im but a dub at anything an like thaL that What you want Is to tog get t Clyde Fitch to build you a anice anice anice nice little scene where you youcan youcan youcan can play leadin gent to her leadin lady Youre mistaken Shorty says he lie heIm heIm Im not putting up a game No he heroics heroics roles for me Im just a plain ordin ordinary ordinary ordinary ary chump and willing to let It go at that But Im no softy and got gotto gotto gotto to know It Theres another thing mother and sister have havo carried this athletic nonsense about far enough like to exhibit me to all fool women they know v as ds s a kind of or mod modern modern modem ern em Hercules and Im sick of It Now Ive got a plan that ought to cure em emor of or that For Jarvis JaIls want so slow Say Sa he each other fn In the ring for a 50 purse No no says Jarvis I mean to tobe tobe tobe be In this myself Its its necessary you know Oh says I lookin him over kind of curious But se here re do you think be good for Jive Ive rounds Im not quite quito in condition now says he but there wasa timer time tim You know Youve seen these col college college lege legs trained boxers that think real hard when their punch dent a cheese pie Wed red Fed have to fake fako it some says I Oh no that hot t 35 io l at all says safI Jarvis This must be a genuine match Ill put up ten to one five hundred to fifty and if I stay the five rounds I get set the fifty cays s I be like hike candy cand from f om a kid I do it V Jarvis Jarvi ho f cot i red up at that but he go off ore his nut I beg pardon says sas he but Jut I have haye an idea i a you know that It be so one sided as you think Well say Ive made lots of or easy money Ideas just like that and when It was put up to me as a per personal personal personal favor to do it I It did go against the grain to play pIa myself for tor a longshot though but Jarvis listen to anything else his weight and reach made It Itan itan Itan an even thing So I takes him on an we bills the go for the next afternoon I 1 may have to bring up Joe for a n says I an aint just what call parlor broke All hAil the better for that says Jar Jarvis Jarvis Jarvis vis And Id be much obliged if tr find another like him for my corner Course theres only one lIes Hes got a bentin nose an a lop ear an a l jaw jaa like a hippo Hes won more bouts I I p 7 r I 34 00 0 L She gets one arm under his neck just as 20 a he opens his s eyes aint half so much asleep as he lie looks His proposition Is to spring the real thing Vin on m em a go for keeps with gloves and all the been bothering me for more says he I heard anything else since you were there And Lady Lad Evelyns been putting them up to it Ill bet a hat What do you says professor proCessor Wo you ou give it to them themI I 1 sure would says Says I Its comin cominto cominI to em And I know of two likely Red Hook boys just achin to get at by b his man stiff than any plug In the tho business Hed been a champ chump champlong champlong long ago if It want for a chunk of yellow In him as big bis as a grapefruit No I match up I Idone Idone Idone done the next best thing though I sent for Gorilla Quigley and gets Mike Slattery lo 10 hold the watch on us Mike gets the hint that this was a aswell aswell aswell swell Joint we was goin to so ho he shows up In South SmIth Brooklyn evenin dress plus hat striped shirt and sack coat 1 makes him chuck the linen for fora fort a t sweater but I separate him from the shiny The Tile Gorilla always wears a jersey with witha a celluloid dicky so he passes muster when old Knee Pants ants i the thA h butler sees us lined up at th entrance we had him pop popeyed popeyed popeyed eyed He was goin to ring up the police reserves when Mr Ir Jarvis comes out and passes us in a group of per percents percents percents cents says I but you ou said you wanted that kind Its all right says sas he Ive IOe ex explained explained to the ladies ladles that a few of my friends Interested in physical culture were coming up today and that per perhaps perhaps perhaps haps better stay out but they II be there just the same He got em right too Just as wed fixed the ropes and got out the pails palls an towels in they floats mother away awa like a headlight sister all fixed ready to blow bubbles and the Lady Evelyn velyn with her nose stick i in up in the air Professor will you do the honors says Jarvis to me And I did em Ladles Ladle says I lemme put you next to some surefire talent This gent with the Roman nosepiece is me assistant Joe |