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Show Page 6 OlltEeOOGcnJirfeQ Gil Gifts EGaata Anthropomorphize Yourself, buddy! According to Webster, to anthropomorphize is to attribute human qualities to inanimate objects. Everyone has had the occasion to feel like they were "talking to a wall." If, indeed they were they would be anthropomorphizing.It's obvious that many of our favorite colloquialisms, if taken literally, would not only be anthropomorphizing, but would possibly create candidacy for the funny farm . For instance, often people say they are communicating with nature (a lonely man in a grassy field tells nature, "It's so good to be with you; my azaleas don't understand me.") . There's a popular song from "Paint Your Wagon" called "I Talk to the Trees." This is much like talking with nature, but it's narrowing to a more specific ethnic group. The reverse includes the phrases "a little bird told me" and "I heard it through the grapevine." Obviously birds and grapes are the latest groups to be infiltrated by the CIA. There is an extension of these in recent studies which indicate that talking to plants, flowers, etc. helps them grow better, or faster. Someone recently tried talking to his checking account this way, but nothing happened. The editor has had the personal experience of talking to machines. Actually, he doesn't converse with them. What he does is spew forth expletives (herewith deleted) when said machines do not work properly. He reports, however, that it doesn't make them work any more efficiently. Vending machines still drop cups upside down before the drink comes out, typewriters still mispell, and computers still send bills with misplaced decimals . Somehow, talking with inanimate objects is acceptable through peer group pressure. Everybody else does it, there for "I must. But, then perhaps it's the outside that is insane ; perhaps the only straight place left is Ne funny farm. Weird thought for the day "Chances are if your parents did not have any children, you won't either." Attention Unpronouncable grads! Students planning on graduating this year can avoid the extremely embarrassing and irritating experience of having their names butchered by the emcee of commencement exercises. If people are constantly abusing your name, you can finally do something about it. Walk up to Doug Spainhower's office (ED 306) or call him (ext. 687), and set things straight. Dr. Spainhower will be the one doing the talking this year on June 5th . We snuck up to his office while he was practicing saying names the other day. He can almost get "Jones" right, but "Smith" is giving him trouble. We are confident that there is enough time for him to conquer these, though, and still be able to fit in all the "Mazerkowitzes" and "Philmontmorencys." And if your name bothers you, we assure you that no one named Spainhower would dare make fun of yours . Constitutional power abused Editor. Welc ome. This letter unlike the others is about issues not personalities (hurrah). I will not center my discussion on the inherent flaws found in the ASWSC Constitution and the newly proposed Academic Assembly amendment. First, as stated in Article I Section 2 "The members of ASWSC shall be subject to the provisions and entitled to all rights and privileges of this Constitution." What rights and what privileges? The only rights or privileges granted are those of voting and recalling the officers. There arc absolutely no other protections or guarantees given in this document. Freedom of speech, press, assembly, petition and countless other rights are nowhere expressed. At the present time we apparently enjoy these benefits only through the generosity of those currently in power. Moving on to Article II, Section 2: "The Associated Students shall function through the Executive Council, the Supreme Court, and their respective committees, boards, and bureaus, whose areas of responsibility and action are designated in their respective charters." In short, total control lies in the seven Executive Council members. The Media Board members, Supreme Court Justices, the Ombudsman, the committee chairmen and members are all subject to their approval. The separate branches of government have now merged into one so-called efficient system. What this system serves to do is only to intimidate the Court Justices, the Ombudsman, the Signpost Editor, and everyone else. The right to dissent has been effectively and entirely stifled. Article VI, Section I says: "The . responsibility of the Supreme Court shall be to interpret the Constitution, determine constitutionality of Executive Council decisions and perform any other judicial functions of the Associated Students." In other words, once the Supreme Court justices have Thanks for W-Day Support and work Editor: I would like to express my thanks to all the people and organizations that supported and participated in the W-Day cleanup held on May 15. There were about 12 organizations represented in the 35 participants in this activity. A special thanks should go to Lynn Strong. W-Day finally been approved by the Council, they can arbitrarily pick . and choose which cases they wish to hear. Their decision can be based on whim or logic it makes no difference. Our Supreme Court has the final and only say1 in ASWSC judicial matters. There are no lower courts and no higher ones. Unfortunately what the court decides doesn't really matter anyway they have no enforcement powers to carry out their opinions. The Constitution grants that responsibility to the Executive Council. I wonder what would happen if this group refused to enforce a decision. Finally let's look at the new amendment proposed by the Election Committee concerning the Academic Assembly. As stated in the present Constitution, the only other elected body (other than the Executive Council) is the Academic Assembly. To pass this referendum would complete the final step in creating a total oligarchy. Superficially the current language of the Constitution guarantees the students the right to elect Academic Assemblymen. However, this new amendment, if passed, would only guarantee that there will be an Academic Assembly. This is not to say the members will be qualified, responsible and representative. That is to say our Executive Council can now work to complete the nepotic circle. No longer will Council members need to be bothered with trying to find qualified students to run for these offices. Instead all they need do is look around and see which friend needs a tuitition waiver this quarter and appoint him or her. There is always more that can be said, but I am limited by practical space restrictions. Contrary to how evervthing else has been handled this year, you don't have to believe everything I say. Simply go to the Activities ('enter and request your own copy of our Constitution. I have a great deal of faith in your ability to come to your own conclusions. See you Tuesday. Sarapis ihairman, Ben Cockrell, Larry Kanno, and representatives from campus organizations who put in many hours of planning for this program. Because of this worthwhile activity Hi yards in Ogden are cleaner and 16 elderly home owners are happier. Teri Wingate V.I.C.E. Chairman Bogus Sarapis Letter Headers: Like the perennial Howard Hughes will, the SIGNPOST has begun to receive bogus Sarapis letters. The letter below is a perfect (or imperfect) example. Through the aid of expert typing analysts we have determined the authors of this letter but cannot prove it. However, we feel the tieed to point out a couple of things. It is the policy of the SIGNPOST not to print anonymous letters . unless they are first cleared with the editor. We are making an exception herein because of extenuating circumstances.The real Sarapis letters are hand-delivered to the editor and after such a delivery, this letter appeared on his desk. It was also immediately after a casual visit from- Academic VP Doug Young and Communications VP Mark Masur (who, rest assured, never, but never, visit the SIGNPOST office casually). The letter is printed exactly as written (to include errors at least, we think they are errors). And because of the obvious manner by which we received it, we cannot really claim this letter is anonymous. Editor Editor, As I promised in the last issue of the Signpost, I would talk about the ASWSC Constitution and the proposed amendment. First of all. let me make this perfectly dear (old Republican phrase) I am not Chris Hicks. I am me. If I was to be someone else other than me. I certainly wouldn't be Chris Hicks, I would rather be an Executive Council member, they have more power than Hicks would ever dream of having. This of course brings us down to business, the power of the Kings and Queens. The Royalty receive their power from the ASWSC Constitution which also allows no check on their power. An amendment has been proposed to make the Academic Assembly offices appointed if the offices are not filled by election six weeks prior to the end of the quarter. This of course adds more power to the Kings and Queens but is it really their fault? Last year four out of the seven offices were filled by people who ran unopposed. The year before three of the offices had no choice for whom to vote for. This year before the elections were called invalid two of the offices were not even filled. But whose fault is it then, the constitution has to be changed to fill the offices. Since you can't answer my question I will. It's you. the studentbody. If you don't care enough to run for office, then you deserve to lose your rights to the Royalty. Sarapis |