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Show ' ' j THE SAJ 'i Now l tlio Chorry lu Blossom. Sow is the ciierry in blossom, Love, Love of my heart, n it U tho apple to follow ; Over the village at nightfall now Merrily veers and darU the swallow-- . At nightfall uow In the dark marsh gross Awakes tho chorus that sines old sorrow; Tuo evening star is dim for the dew, And the apple and lilac will bloom The honeysuckle Is red on the rock: ' The willow floats over the brook like a feather; In every shadow some love lies hid-- Aud you and I in the world together. Mary E. Wilkins in Harper's. . . , ' A Complete I.lt of Salt Lake Itetall J'rlres .Corrected. Dally- - UKW-Strlo- lu, 1'oast. I!) 'r'''f) liibs. - - :J Hump Porter Houso steali f ' Hlrloiu ' .h-- Toiitfiies. etm:h,.m,..,e. ' Kidneys , ''! LAMR-tjuai-t- er, fore . OiiiirtiT, hind :" MUTTON'-L- eg, ID , ", Shoulder,'. ,,'- - Chops. . POIW--Lulu- , roast, lli '.' Chops and-stea- ' . 1'lcUeled, v .1ft 1. vimu Loin. . " .'. Cutlets. 11 ...A.. ? SA t'SAl K Common. 11) . '' All ' pork " ,. Meat. ,; liolouna. . . ..J,'., , HA ole, ll) W",18 Cut. half, lb . Cut. slice, lb - FHKSH FiSH-Hali- but, Hi Salmon, " Flounder. " - Mncliiuac Trout, " Shad, " Smelts, " .MISI'KM.ANKOLS. Chickens, 11) J' ' Turkeys. v ' Biicoii.Hiilh.il) ....: ''-- . Butter, fresh creamery V.Kii. dost :. l'utiilcs, old. ni lli ! Potatoes, now California, II) s Heels, peck '? Turnips, m II) Clil).w. ev, California. Hi I" Caiiiitlovvcr, new California, lb ....... .'X (liven 1'ciiH. California lb ' Si-ln- Hcaus. ' " ' Asparagus, native, 'J llw '! Onions, native, dori'il lmii lies '.: .W Lettuce, native, " heads... Celerv. btmrH... .' .1 Spinach, UHtlvpJh I't Tomatoes. California, lb .' ifadlshes, 8 bunches 1? Mushrooms, lb '" OraiiKcs, navels, do, jD'f I.IK) irauxex. "I her kinds, item. .ISMMO Lemons, do?, I'lno Apples, each M tiunanu. dov, : .; .ni Htraw bcirlcH. California box SUtiW Cherries, California. II)., I'li'jilant. native, a lbs . I'b kels. native, in vinegar, quart .'.D OII'. ck. (Mifnrnla, in bulk, quart SO SALT LAKH LIVE STOCK MAUKKT. KTKKU3-- - T.tvc weixht. Ill .8'in '4 SHEW 1' Wethers. eaCh..ir. U,f, ' ' The Hninaii rinoushlon. ' In explaining his peculiar idiosyncrasy, Professor Beck Raid: "I first discovered that I could be punctured without pain nt school when a boy. My comrades used to put bent pins under me, but the joko was alway on them." Here, by way of il-lustration, the Professor absent mindedly shoved a pin into his unn up to the head, and then resumed his reminiscences. "I sometimes use awls, knives, sailmakers' needles and horseshoe nails. There are only two more human cushions whom I recall, Professor Rogers, who has retired from tho business and gone to sea, and a gentleman who called m'Ktuelf Ajax. Ho went back to tho baking business when I defeated him, I have discovered tho only woman pincushion, uiul beforo long we will be united in nmrriaK" When the pins or knives are withdrawn from my flesh tbo iarisinn clones within three hours', and I suffer no inconven-iences." Exchange. - MIUIES" SALOON, l UC HOriTABEN. PROP. KIKST CLASS A Wines.' Ltyuori and Clears. W. !I South street (opposite Tribune oftice.i. Agent ' tor celoDi'uted coiTt;e. , MOSHER. TLOOD & CO:, . IlKlt'lH SALOON, 135 MAIN BTKKET, M Salt Luke City. r- THPHffiNIX SALOON, rp J.;. PK ACO( iv. PKOPRiKTOH. .'S STATU I. street. Ice l).';r on drautfht; clioicu Wines. Liquors and Cl'arrf. ' iTo. McAllbrtar, bTj. HiUlajal, J. L, goneated "V STONE FRONT SALOON, "IIIOICK LIQUORS AND CIRAItS. Mi.'AL-- 1.1KTK11, HAM JMAN & Co.,jiTO S. toln ". TEE OCCIDENTAL, bmOH OMLV AN1) OF THK BEST PVKT. Studious Attention. AUKK Mtrui'HV. No. W oa.it First South street, Salt Lak3 City. THE COMMERCIAL, I) T. NYSTBOM, I'KOPKIKTOK. FINK J . lniporled Wines, Liquors and CiKars. cor. Fivst South and Commercial streets, bait Lake City. K- ',, ' M. Ul.Al lvBfH., 11. ii.AMNKH, M. MUHHAY BLACKBURN & CO., (OU)KAUOSAMI'LK liOoM. r.MH 8. MAIN I street. Fine Kentucky Whiskies a spe-cially. CL1FT HOUSE BAR, -- o MAIN . STIiglCT. ,, A. J. TAVSDM i. i O ' J'roprletor. ' :. . . " MIM.IKKKY AND DRKSSMAKINU. ' NEW YORK MILLINER & PRESS-MAKIN-T F VOI7 WANT A TERFKCT FITTINll (lAli-- meut call IIIllls. II VVssalch build-ing. H. Tavlor'H celebrated system. Take elevator? '" MONKVTO LOAN. " ; McCARRICK, I.OANKD ON WATCUKS-- . MONKT and Jewelry; also a tine lino of Watches, Jewelry, Revolvers and Charmn for sale cheaper than anywhere In the west. atO south Main st,. one door north Walker House, LWATTEES, BROKKR. 31 K FIRST SOUTH STREET, Deseret National Bank, Salt Lake Ci!y. Makes loans on Watches. Diamonds and Jewelry; reuts collected: railroad tickets bought and sold: business confidential, ISHrt. All unredeemed pledges sold at Wiy low rates. GLOBS CAFE C F. BALL 4 Co. MKi;, ' jf' Main ti-- et, Salt Lai BJ. HEEK, I'UOITviF'ro,, a Mali, street. s ;No-- liours. Comuiti tal km Tf'.'r n, THEBoptoV H Mouth street; K,mml RAN"r.'-- Meals I.", a Mel Tickets . iw &l ' t!i nowhere else. ""','m a:, CHAS. WANLs" OCOLID1 OA K UEFH !( 1FI as soft wood. Oill street. , '"ldsw-tbcil- 1JUH11ER STAMRS C0" Seals. AntentHforthe forator, Salt Lake city, A,"'U c ta,loi:s. WANAMAKEE & BRnxr plINIMVIEK.ACKCT n. Tallorinc; st vic and frogress butl'dim;. V'LS''1''' oods. A. ANDERSOnT rpAIUOK, CLOTHES ci,E.NI' - ALFRED H.COHN ' TJIK LAL1FS' I'M Silk and Alpa,',:r,,J ''' est style at reasonable prtA h" South street. fcta-- A. TAYLOeT MK"t!?ANT TAILOR. NKVV South street,- Salt Laket'ity. ljMAIitltSANl),,Wli T. M. SURBADGfl" TINE AMERICAN WATCHJ-'- , T Jewelry; watch repatri, ie; Prices reasonable; ?5 west J1 H Bait Lake City. Utah 1Ultluiii, JEWELEEs! nAVE YOU SEEN THK at Hauerbach i Srm. C South? If not, call aud see the world. Hs(: BUSINESS ' DIRECTORY. ADVERTISERS OF f'IRSTCLASS CITY. Tine Timks commends, to its patrons the Business and Pro fessional men whose cards ap-pear below. " aTcoixta xts. HARRY R, BROWNE, t CCOUNTANT. EXPERT AND CONSULT-- j Hitf. established INTO. 951 south Main w Tho very best of city reference given. AKCUITECn. ' FRED A. HALE, II.ATK (if UI'.NVKIi.l 4 RClUTKtT OF fOMMEUCIAL 11LOCIC, iY etc. ofiiceW), Wasatidi buildini,'. WHITE & ULMER, TS AND SU I'EHINTKNDENTK. ARCHITEl 110 and 111, Progress Block, Salt LakoCll.v. ATTOH'KYS. 1 , S. A. ' MERRITT, pITY ATTORNEY, ROOMS 5I0& Ml, I'RO-.- i Kress buildln;;. ; I, - John M. Brixzi:. Jamus A. Williams BREEZE & WILLIAMS, i TTORNEYS-AT-LAW- , ROOMS ail & 315, l'rogress building. O.W.FOWERS, ' TTORNEY-A- LAW. OPPOSITE CUI,-le- A Hotel, Second Sout h street. , CUMMIKGS & CRITCHLOW, W. ROOMS 4 AND 5, ATTORNEYS-AT-L-VJS Main street. M. E. McENANY, ATTORNEY-AT-LA- floor. PROGRESS AMUSLMKNTS. GRAND OPERA HOUSE W. J. BURGESS, Manager. Special Eiiiagemen t FRIDAY AND SATURDAY, May 1G and. 17, Saturday Matinee. HAUBUKM. ELfxEBXEBEESHOP 1 ENTLEMEM WISHING A NEAT SHAVE IJT will do well to call on us. Stkadfoko & Bouinhon, Proprietors. 6'4 east Third South street. Salt Lake City. Utah. ISOOKN AND STATIONKYr.CZ D. M. MoALLISTER & CO., ROOKS. STATIONERY. TOYS, Utah Views. Mormon Publl."'tons, Periodicals, Magazines, etc., 73 Main street liOOT AM) SHOE MAKING. OHOE MANUFACTURERS, 48 W. FIRST n South street. Our own make of $3 shoes are forging ahead.- - Repairing neatly executed ' FRED SWANSON, VILL DO THE FINEST BOOT AND SHOE f Repairing to be had in the city : heeling and soleing a specialty ; 3 east First So. street. THEPAEAGON TS THE BEST AND CHEAPEST PLACE J for Shoe Repairing. 11 west South Temple street. CIVIL KNUINKF.KINti. C1IVIL ENGINEERS AND SURVEYORS. laid out and platted. Rooms 614 and H15 Progress building; P. O. box WJ, Salt Lake City, Utah. CONTRACTORS AND BUILDERS. TTdowlingT CCARPENTER. CONTRACTOR & BUILDER ) All work neatly executed : fitting up stores aud counter making a specialty. 'H W. First South street. . 5RHEAS In her New Historical Play by A. R. Haven, JOSEPHINE, EMPRESS OF THE FRENCH, Supported by Mr. Wru. HamF, and au ex-cellent company under the direction ,ot Arthur Miller. Magnificently Produced! Gorgeous Costumes! Sale of seats opens 10 a in. Thursday. t'No Advance in Prises..! Cleveland's Mbistrels Next Week. SALT LAKE .THEATER '" CHA8.,8-tftJEl'0N- , Mana er, H The management has the honor to announce the Hi nt nppen ranee west of tho Rocky Moun-tains of the Illustrious! English Artist, Mr. Wilson Barrett MISS EASTLAKE And Entire Lcndon Company, Insludlng MR. GEORGE BARRETT, Monday, ) 19 Tuesday' Mm 20 Wednesday j m 21. When they will present, with the Original Scenery, (,'ostumes. Properties and Mechanical KITeets, from the Princess Theater, London the following plays: MONDAY, "CLAUDM." TUESDAY, - "THE SILVER KING." WEDNESDAY, I'rices from 2,'ic to $l,riO, according to location, Sale of seals begins on Saturday niornlnsr. May 17, at 10 o'clock. I'A INTEISnf.AND DKCOK ATOKS. nOUSK.' 'SIGN AND ORNAMENTAL Graining. Glazing and Calcl-minln-paper hanging and decorating a spe-cialty. Office, M17 east First South street. PETERSON & BROWN, ; CIONS. 3 WEST FIRST SOUTH STREET, k? Salt Lake City. OARRETERO & LEVEY, p RAINING A SPECIALTY: NEAT. QUICK JT and Woody. 75 west second South street, Salt Lake City. Country orders solicited. FLUMKINO. A. J. BOURDETTE & CO., TJLUMBERS. STEAM AND GAS FITTERS I and General Jobbers. Ill east Second South street, Salt Lalte City. Telephone No. 431. JAMES FENWIOKi PRACTICAL PLUMBER, STEAM AND GAS Eugineor. Bl East Third South street. Salt Lake City, Utah. P. J.MORAN, STEAM HEATING ENGINEER, 259 MAIN Salt Lake City. GOLD, SILVER AND NICKEL PLATING the Dynamo Process. All kinds of repairing done with neatness and dispatch. KiNDSQN BHoa, 81 E 3d South. . l'HYSICIANs" DR. IRA LY0NS. 7 FYST.hAir?dPSouEthARstreeSt.P- ECIALIST. 43 WEST DR. J. S. BLACKBURN & CO.,. HERNIA SPECIALISTS; RUPTURE wired without surgical onera-FCI- USt?aihn; stafkeanedlevl13a- -toWr.asaPtc.hO.bBuiolxdinliglt. Salt DR, E. A, GUILLEMOT, i ')! E- - FIRST SOUTH STREET. UTAH COM--.- t inercial Savings Bank building. DRS. FREEMAN & BURROWS, T?YK, EAR, NOSE, THROAT. SPKCTA-1- J eles accurately fitted. Rooms 17 and 18 building. ' JKKAI. KSTATU ANJ LOAN'S. JOS. A. WlT. '5 JOS. A. WEST & 00 LWLOVMENT AND REAL ESTATI.-r- j Agents, 11 west South Temple street ' H.K.FKV. E. L. CRAW & 00 II t)EALKSTATE AND MINES, 74 W FIRST South street, Salt Lake City, Utah. THE SYNDICATE INVESTMENT CO., TiEAL KSTATE, 37 MAIN STKEET IN-- 1 vestments for non residents a specialty. YEADON & HEATH, ; KV? A,c,iENT5,''0R SOUTH M AIN STKKET them for this and ow,e properties, 151) Main street. ' S. F. SPENCER & CO., It EA. KSTATK, LOANS, INVESTMENTS Main street. Salt Lake Vlt 7 "'I'Tle t of cit y and acreage property ALFRED DUNSHEE REA V KSTATK. LOAN INVESTMENTS IeCltUtoh!01 1W -""l U J. U. .0. II. MuAujsteb McAllister bros., RKAl;ESTA'rEANui'OANs. ass s m in under Abstract office, Sait Lake D. B. STANWOOD, T EAT, ESTATE AND INVESTMENT BKO-- ' COALTER & SNELGEOTE THE SALT LAKE Main street. VrtJrT, New England Piauos, Estey oimC MISCKLLANKOIS. F. E. McGUBRfflT OFFICIAL STENOGRAPHER-- aud Typewrltinif b Remington Typewriter mid supplies- p building. HULBERT BE0S7 MANUFACTURERS OF FINE TK saniplt tm, cases to order: repairing a speraim ; First South street. M. LEVEY, DEALER IN CAST OFF AND S! holiest eash price same ; notice by mall promptly attei.! kinds tailoring done, (it) w. First South SALT LAKE TRANSPEB CO 1JATTEN & GLENN. PROPS. Al 1 ders promptly attended to: local ; furniture moved with can. 116 west First South street. SILVER BEOS,, T RON; WORKS, MACHINE SHOP X Foundry ; steam engines, mining a:' ing work. , No., west fforth Tenii i Telephone No. Vie. J.W. Farrell&( i Filters, Gasttifi Dealers in all Kinds of Lift and Force Pun Offers taken for Drive and l)H Cfspo'oh bwiit and Conm'Sow m Main at., vjip Autrbiwli Srat-- W Rio Grande Western SCENIC LINE OF THK W Current Timotiihlo in fl1" nftpr Iin 4) ls!)0 EAST BOUNJJ TRAIN f'N""-- ' A Atlantic Midi- ' Leave Ogden Arrive Salt Lake :?,::: Leave Salt Lake " !! :5r, Arrive Jjovo. UJ 9; Leave !,,,; 4. Arrtveiroe.n River f - ".' ij Leave (Jreen River ' GEORGE BOGGS & CO., CONTRACTING AND BUILDING, FITTING a specialty. 1W State road, between First and Second South street, Salt Lake Oity, Utah. UltliGGJSTS. V- - B. HOOVER & CO., DRUGS. MEDICINES. FINE Goods; Prescriptions careful-ly compounded, 1W south Main street, Salt Lake City, Utah. ' KNGRAVINU. J. JEPPERSON, PIRACTICAL SCULPTOR AND OARVER, Ollioe, 1 east North Temple street. J. W. WKITEOAR, DESIGNER AND ENGRAVER ON WOOD, Main street, Salt Lake City. GKOCEUIKS. W, E, D. BARNETT, Ai fl ROCERIES. FRUITS. POULTRY, I'RO- - I I visions. Flour, Feed and Fresh Meats; Ml east Third South street; telephone 4M. ROGERS & COMPANY, rpii E LEAD1 Nil GROCERS, 45 EAST FIRST 1. South street. FRED t'LmBERG (JTAPLE AND FANCY GROCERIES, PRO-- visions, Fruit. Vegetables. Poultry, Fish Game, etc. 5,1 east First South street. Tele-phone BS. john Mcdonald' & sons, LMNK TEAS AND COFFEES A Sl'ElALTY T UW-- Main stroet.: j. h. glare; 1REKN. STAPLE AND FANCY GROCE-- ries. Fruits. Poulty and Fish. No. Mt west First South street. Orders by telephone (ays) promptly attended to. ' 0. M. HANSEN, DEA LER IN CHOICE FANCY GROCERIES Grain. Coal ami Kindling Wood corner Third South and State street. lrTOBIASXsbNTT DEALER IN FANCY GROCERIES All Poultry, Fruit and Vegetables goods delivered to any part ot the city. No S18 south First East street. - ' Wagners Pleasure Gardens Emigration Canyon. Tlic only Resort Sunday Trains on the Utah Central Railway will depart u follows: Leave U A N. Depot 1 p m. and .'1:10 p.m Leiue Wucner's ttU((B Trains will take on pnssenKerM at corner of i.i.uhlh South ana Fourth West ; foot of Midi! street. Seventh East. Salt Lake ( tty Urowcry mid First South, Fare Kounil Trip, 25 GRAND OPERA HOUSE, W. J. BURGESS, - Manageh. (hie. Week and Saturday MaUim; Commencing Monday, May 19th. S. Cleveland's Magnificent fl HW, -; MINSTREL5 Cliilsteiitlom's Champion Comiiierers! 46 - Heroes of Two Hemispheres - 46 Fresh from their overwhelmlujr triumph at the (.raiul opera house and Fourteenth street theaters N,-- York, led by the king of min- strels, the inimitable and milv WILLIS P. SWEATNAM. And Fat aud Funny TAKE tecs IMiimugm illLWAUKEE & St. PAIL RAILWAY FOR ALL POINTS EAST. J hieaBo Mnwaukee and Council Bluffs, Oma- ha. St. Joseph. Kansas City and Soulx citv. All trains composed of Pullman uunniiiicent sleeping ears aud The Finest Dining Cars in toe World. f,M;tlur information apply to the nearest ilcKet tinlcer $ ALEX. MITHELL, tS Commercial AirenL south Main street. Salt r.:..k city. I Arrive Pueblo n'ni.' !'' An-lv- Denver. . . . . . ;n tl : WEST BOUND TBAC "no. i ' ' r a."1-- ' Leave Denver. '::fll m. 12 ' Leave PueMo is, Lw.lt Arrive Oreeu K! ver. . . . '- 'iis Leitvo Oreen Ki ver V ' Arrive Provo. .. ... . -- . , 'i :',.--, i,.m.1 ' Irfave Provo v ' Arrive Rait Lake.-.- . jy. Ijeave Salt. Lake ' J, m. (' Arri ve Ogden Ji-- LOCAL TKA1NS- - ": SAliWfASDOODI t Leave Salt Lafte: ,f,rSVni- 8:ai.m. 8:0 a.m. , 4:30p.m.- r:tO p.m. " ' SA..T-M- AND BIN" ' LeaveSaltLakeWa-ni-;"- Salt Lake p.m. ; . C. DODGE, ' nA,n. F Ocn. Manaarer. EAL ESTATE AC ' Loans. mIl Ef',-J!'Svt- : Dsnver Bbajich. Oonrt S J. g, Jacobs "& eo IJ EAL KSTATF. DK'ALEKS, 1 1T vurvoven . H;o.i.ETT&sbiv ":: TEALKUS ij! I1EAL ESTATK L'lTV ivn ' THEMITLANFliTESllSiTO-7- - BiS&s8. S. C, Barton, Jr , J, A. Groesbeck, ' WTBTdr BUETON; 6E0ESBECE & 00 Telephone w. - In office. ' - , E. M. JOHNSON & OoT RESTAlltAxX 7" S4LT LAKE WaFchopIoUSE . proiirieron. street. JoN-E- & Sen BILLY RICE. Sumptuous spectacular Scnle First Part the Moi-- t and Klaborate ' Kver Pmdnced. " YEXKTTAX MGHTS! AMAZIXG AXTJPODKAX ANXJBXt THE EGYPTIAN PHALAX Y ' TUE JAPS! - - EOUH LITTLE ALL1UGHTS' ORltilS.iL VKIJCXTAL PATHOL MAHf-H' H. W- Semou Business Manager P. S. Mattox Ueneral Agent Grand Parade or this Powerful Organization at 11:45 a.m. Monday, May 19; Hegular Prices: res.-rvf- seats may "be secured at box oillce Saturday, at 10 a.m. FiF . : J. F. JACK, Real Estate, !S35 SiiuiU Main. Lam cm. ELI L. PEICE, GROCKRIES AND PROVISIONS, 354 MAI . JIOBESHOLD GOO'DS, ; . JOHN 0. 6EAY DEALER IN '' TE ' AND HAND HOUSEHOLD Sst?ekS Sta"0UCT LIJVORS AND CIGARS. ' TBI C0TTAGE ("IHOICE. WINES. CIQAR8 AND LIQlWs opposite tne 4' YJ1' depot, J. Sullivan, proprietor. THE TWO FHILLIPS PLACE! pHOICEST Wiues. Liquors BRANDS and Cirafa. BOTJDOIB SALOON, Ladies, before you go to tho beach, call at 44 AVsatch block and get one of those lovely seaside hats for almost nothing, Ancient Srenea Depleted. The archaic, room iu tho British mu-seum is now approaching completion. On tho west side ot the gallery Btands the harpy tomb, formerly on the Acro-polis of Xunthos in Lycia. Tho harpies are seen sculptured in bas relief, carry-ing off the souls of the daughters of Pan dareoB, a Lycian hero. On the north and south walls of tho room are arranged the casts of the pedimentul groups from the temple of Athene, in .Egina.. The orig-inals, it will be romembered, are at Mu-nich. They represent the expedition of JEginaten heroos against Troy, guided by Athene or Minerva, and the contest of the Greeks and Trojans over the body of Patroclus, described in the "Iliad." The temple was erected before 50IJ B. C. Chicago Herald. The "Dear Marchioness" Didn't Bite. Great amusement bus been caused in English circles in Rome by a story which is going about of an American lady, well known for her devotion to the aristocracy, having put her foot iu it rather more than usual iu the endeav-or to make a sublime coup. She wrote to the Princess Louise, "Dear Marchion-ess," asking her to tea or luncheon, I don't know which, and promising to take her afterward to a well known studio. But the "Dear Marchioness," who had never seen or heard of the lady in question, seemed to think that this was going a little too far, and the reply gent will not, I fancy, bo shown gener-ally to tho lady's friends notwithstand-ing the autograph. London Truth. iiAy.ii)"ii!(iiji:ii.L.": Tho Pemisylvaiiian's Admiration for the. Bard of Paint Creek. , AGREED STATEMENT OF FACTS. An Exceedingly Funny Poem Describing a Little Game of "Draw" Among Legal Lights. Washington letter to J'luinb had a copy of .Ironqnill" one day. ami got hold of it iu SENATOR Tlic and Kinileil and smiled again. rclunied the Semilor Plumb that ho 'must eel lainly have a copy. Senator Plumb Iransmi'tlcd I he request to Mr. Kiigeiiu V. Ware of Kel t Scott. Senator (Jimy has received tho desired volume, and'oii a fly-le- appears .the following autograph 'dedication: ,'l'IU'. I'.SKMIWK )'OKT. He wa a geuiim. Through the midnight gloom He used bis mind lu unreniltllng lull Ami oil, much midnight oil did lie consume. Hut he got left; the oil was fusel oil. Iron-quill. '' To Wenator M. S. Quay, Washington, ! is one poem iu the book which Senator Quay has pronounced the .best thing iu rhyme lie ever read, ll is: AN AomiHD ST.UK.MKNT OK FACTS J As to Hie Administration of Mr. Hie Jones to the Faint Creelc bar of Kansas. The poem opens as follows: Jones was unassuming, but Hie shrewd ob-server saw Something that appeared abnormal lu the structure of his Jaw. When the court convened, old Hnin-'cm- , with a voice like a guitar. Oftered Jones' application for admission to the bar. Then the court looked wise and owly, and iu slow judicious tones Ordered Sntpe-'e- Brown and Spot-'e- iirst to analyze young Jones. Snylng "Gentlemen, be thoroufu ; at the open-ing of the court. Wo will skip the motion docket and consider your report." Sheriff Gnibb showed the eonimitlee and the candidate for admission lo the bur upstairs to a room. The key was turned iu the door. The table was stacked with guinvads. Spot 'ein acted as bunker. "The examination pro-ceeded. The historian, after narrating the events of tho afternoon, says: The committee stopped for supper, readjusted all their loans And proceeded with fresh vigor lu their re-searches for Jones. Just about this time "the district clerk of the aforesaid court," By some unknown coincidence, dropped iu to see the sport. Having lifted the frtiment, .he did cheerfully reply To their bland Interrogation lu regard to "chicken pie." Unpaid fees in Spot-'e- cow case then were discounted by Drown. Which the clerk tisik out In , most of which young Jones raked down. At the hour of three precisely, after four suc-cessful raids, ' Spot-'e- raked down Snlpe-'m'- s shirt studs on a hand composed of spades ; Snlpe-'c- took a dose of tonic and reluctantly' resigned, '.H-- While the clerk, with sad bravado, went a collar button tjniiit.'- - '; Hour by hour the game continued ; Jones came in on every draw. But no syllable proceeded from that strange abnormal Jaw. - - :' When court in. the morn-ing the committee was still out and un-able to report. ' The docket was called and a nuile case taken up. V ' Two members of the bar Assaulted twelve men with swords of legal war. . The mule ease having been settled by the argument that ' nobody had ever seen a dead mule 1 Ik; committee and the candidate for admission appeared lit the bar. Hereupon came Ilrown and Spot-'em- , Jones and Snlpe-'e- iu the rear, Arm in arm, with his neck-ti- e dangling down below his ear; Kacb one made a short, spasmodic pull upon his trumdled vest, And, fronting up before tho judge, the whole platoon Old Suipc-'e- "with a voice diffuse, yctswoet," announced to the judge that tho I'onirniUee had made tho "zamina-tio- n nior'u'cr usual eomplcte." "Weutri through hlc -- Jones." said Snipe- - 'em; "he z'all ri' hlc on 'cr law; He can draw 'cr chattel mortgage or three aces ever' draw "A got all Spot-'em'- s tax books and reports; mine too hie hain't he, Hrmvn? '"Z gofer bullymor'lcharacter Jones stpiarer 'an a string. Haised old Spot-'e- scveuleen dollars, an' he didn't have a thing; 'Z by all menus admit hlc- - Jones 'cr bar; 'oso iHiok mus' stay In town: Hlc old Spot's too full for utterance." "Jias ho," responded Brown. The action of the court upon the re-pu-of the eonimitlee is announced. "Clerk, swear, Hlc Jones," old pro (em, said, iu language gruff and quirk. (The court, supposed that Jones' antecedent name was "Hlc.'') Then the clerk said somewhat vaguely, "You do swear hlc rrom 'Is date. You will solemnly support 'er constitution or 'er state; Uu 'er lawyer of 'er bar rrom 'is date-h- ie fourthly hence. (Holdup 'er han')-- all ri'-h- lc bob-s- o help you lllty cents." Then the Judge gave Jones a chorus; Jones received it wtth delight, And the wholo platoon meandered, with a right Hank hlc- - tile right. So delighted was a juror that the shingle nail was bust That did duty as a button where the juror's ' Jeans were trussed. Jones turned out to be an ornament to the bar of Paint ereek. The chron-icler relates: He wrolo and now delivers an exceedingly line lecture On "Proceedings iu Tribunals of Penultimate Conjecture." . AMONG m RMS. What is Transpiring Within the Banks of tho Admirers of Bicycle Sports. A LONG TEIP TO PARLEY'S. Complaints of Bad Manners Uniforms Secured The Experience of a Social Wleel Notes. HE Social Wheel club go to Hal-fly-, in 1'arley's canyon, on Sunday, travuliug vis. penitentiary road. The party will leave 244 West Temple nt:!ll)a. m. Turnout boys. You will liavo an excellent g lime. About twenty members of the Socials ro uniformed. Tim cadet gray, with league buttons and mailo up in league regulation style, is quito attractive, al-though souie'lhing tlio boys look some-tliiu- g like mounted mail carriers. Tho secretary .of the Socials is in re-ceipt of many 'letters from people w ho complain about bicyelcs. Mr. lirown does not like to receive (hem and all wheelmen are as much interested in the good manners of riders as pedestrians, 'aud any authentic and just complaint w ill bo looked up by tho clubs. The two Eagle Incycles now in Salt Lake are fine wheels, but they can not fl v as high as the stars of the heavens, although said Eagles were built on the lines of tho Star. One of tlio Socialsls also a member of tlio Salt Lake Rowing club, and last Sunday lie sacriliecd the pleasure of donning the new uniform aud getting out with the boys for the anticipated pleasure of a row on the lake. But tho only row which was n success was that kicked up by old boreas on the waters of tho laker How it did blow! During a short, quiet spell one of the d barges was taken out aud launched. After a pull of about a mile in very rough water the wind again came up and knocked all method out of the oarsmen's work. They were only too glad to get back to the launch, wliere, however, it was im-possible to land. One of the pai-l-lumped overboard aud steadied the , barge whilo a landing was effected. ' t Mrs. Pembroke can now run ten miles on tho wheel without feeling the slielitest fatigued. This lady liuds wheel exercise exhileratiug in the ex-treme. Since some of Hie promineut cycling clubs of Philadelphia have decided not to admit ladies to membership on ac-count of the expense of the luxury, the lady cyclers have organized a cycling circle to enjoy tho pleasure and expense on their own account. About thirty names to start with is an assurance of success. The St. Augustine, Fla., clly authori-ties lately passed an ordinance that bells be attached to all bicycles ridden after nightfall. " lC seems that a number of riders wishing to take a ride ami not, as they claimed, being able to purchase the regular signal bell, several of the cyclers, wishing no doubt to express their disapproval of the ordinance, fastened largo gougs, dinner bells and cow bells to their bicycles and started out, It was said that tho mayor Had learned of tlio scheme aud had in-structed tho polite force to arrest the riders for creating a nuisance. Eive of the cyelists were urrested on this charge. The cyclers claimed that they complied with tho ordinance, which does not specify what the size of the signal boll shall be, and that they could not violate one ordinance while com-plying with tho provisions of another. They were tried by Judge Cooper, who stated that while tho wheelmen evi-dently intended to comply with tho or-dinance, they complied lo such an ex-cessive extent that ho would have to tine them $1 aud costs for disturbing llm peace. 4 In the women's race at Omaha last week, Miss Williams succeeded in beat-ing the world's record among women bicyclists, making forty-tw- o miles and eiglit laps in three hours, the beht rec-ord ever made by any female cyclist being but forty-tw- miles iu that time. One siimmcr 1 was beguiled into unending a few weeks' vacation buck in the country, trying to convince myself that tho canned vegetables I got there were better than thoso I had in the city, because they were moro poorly cooked and of a cheaper variety (ban 1 had been used to. That I failed as others have has nothing, however, to do with ibis story. On the ud joining farm to wheru I was stopping, lived, or rather vegetated, au ancient "hav Koubeu," whoso face whs ornamented with a set of straggling whiskers that looked like nuo-u- t "chewing tobacco, and which caused the city boarders at our place lo nickname "Old Lilacs." Now "Old Lilacs" had a mare that was as skittish as he was sedate, and as hard mouthed as her owner was hard headed. Not-withstanding the faot that whenever she felt inclined k!io used to take the bit between her tooth and run away, dump-ing her owner out if it suited 'her, the old mau always said that she was just as gentle as a kitten, though ho never did say just what kind of a kitten he referred to. Ho said slio would not scare at anything on earth except one, aud that one was a bicycle, so you eau imagine how much "Old Lilacs" liked our party of three, each with a wheel. One day, when returning from the village!, where he had taken" more than one drink of apple jack, tho mare several times gave "Old Lilacs" notice that she was bent on mischief, but he failed to take the hint. All of a sudden there was a snorh a jump and au up-set all mixed up in one, and tho inare with the wagon sped towards home, at a milo a minute gait. "Old Lilacs"-gathere-hiinsolf together, and began to look around for tho bicvele, which was the only thing he claimed would scare his mare, but he couldn't see any signs of one, and he was at a loss to explain the sudden departure of his favorite an-imal, until his eye happened to rest upon a sigu freshly painted upon a neighboring fence, theu a smile of and knowledge came upon his face as lie muttered, "I knowed that tkat are mare. must 'a seed one of them bysickels or sho wouldn't got so al-mighty scared." The sign read, "Buy Calcutta Cycles." That was a might'v knowing mare, wasn't she? Uawksiiaw. Nearly Lout Ills Tongue. A curious accident happened in Balti-more last week, according to a special from there to The Cincinnati Enquirer. John Deutscl(, 13 years old, is employed at a basket factory, and during dinner hour, while taking a pull at his coffee flask;1 his tongfio'was drawn into the noz-zle by suction to that, try- - as lie "would, he could not get it out. It was drawn further and further in until tho flask was forced into his mouth. Tho tongue to make matters worse, began to swell, and, after vainly trying to get it loose him-self, ho hurriod to the hospital. Dr. War-fiel-after some difficulty, released the disfigured member. Just l'uuishment. Mother Come in now, Tommy, und put on your ulean clothes. Tommy (playing ball in the back lot) All rij;ht. Boon's I make a base hit. Mother (two hours l:tt(r You, Thom-as! Come right, here, sir. Thomas obeys and Rots a sound thrash-ing, which ho bears heroically, remurk-inr- ; at the close, "Served me just right, so it did." Mother For not obeying mamma? Tommy No. For not making a bano hit on that chump of a pitcher. Texas Biftings. Sixteen Head lea Ilodien. A Morocco correspondent of The Petit MaraeiUais says (hat with it quantity of merchandise which arrived some time since at Masagan, from Morocco, there were eight boxes consigned to parties who could not be found. At length the boxes wore opened to soe if their contents would give any indication of their owner. They contained the headless bodies of sixteen young girls and a negross, and also the body of a man. Each body was carefully embalmed. The affair is a puzzle. Doesn't Want to Do Stared At. Emperor William seriously objects to being stared at, particiulurly at church. Ha has issued a cabinet order iu which he says that "from tho moment Ienter church until I leave hundreds of eyes are, to my great annoyamy, ilxed on me. I desire at least to be able to isolate myself for a few moments at divine service Bun-day- s. All those who desire to look at me can do so during my daily rides in the " Thiergarton or Unter den Linden.' " When Paul Blouet, popularly kuown as "Max O'Rell," the author of "Jona-than and His Continent," said farewell to America after a sojourn of several months, he carried avay with him $.'(),-00- 0, $10,000 of which was the proceeds of the eule of his book and $10,000' for the lectures ho had delivered. Matilda Louise Schumack, 13 years old, died at St. John, N. B., from an electric shock. While at the Salvation Army barracks she touched au electric linp with an iron poker, and t the same time she unconsciously caught an iron post, thus comploting the circuit. The montiatery of Molk, in Austria, has Jnst celebrated tho 800th anniversary of Its foundation. Nat a Man at the Funeral. Sirs. Mary Ann Henderson died Tues-day morning. Sho haul been confined to her bed more than twenty-on- e years. Not a man besides the clergyman was present at the house to assist in tho last sad ritoa, and the ladies of the coiiirmi-nit- y were forced to place the coffin and act m pall bearers. If it had been some wealthy person the attendance would haveben largo. The funeral services t the grave were conducted by Dr. Hundley, who took occasion then and afterwards to score the male residonts of the commnuity for the neglect of their duties to the dead. The Indies also were justly ijidjsaijatj-ilUt- ca (f1&J Cliiriom |