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Show Volume III, Issue III THE OGDEN VALLEY NEWS Page 15 December 1, 2000 Is spanking OK? - Strategies that work for disciplining kids From HomePage on MSNBC. While the American Academy of Pediatrics takes a firm stand against spanking, research shows 90 percent of American families report using spanking as a means of discipline. Does spanking work? Does it do more harm than good in the long run? Although some parents spank their children, most feel guilty afterward. And there is good reason to question whether spanking is a helpful technique. Studies confirm that children who are treated aggressively physically will grow up to be aggressive. So the potential for the cycle of abuse to repeat itself through the generations is increased. Another reason that spanking is not a recommended form of discipline is that it can backfire. Imagine this: A 7year-old hits a 4-year-old. A parent rushes in and hits the offender. What did the children learn from this scenario? It taught the children to hit when they are angry, which is exactly the opposite of what the parent intended to teach. Children are masters of imitation and look to their parents as models. So when hitting is used for discipline, parents risk having the child model that behavior; they learn to hit, just like mom and dad. Here are some other strategies to use when disciplining your children. Have the right attitude: First and foremost, parents should realize (and believe) that disciplining a child is not bad; it’s necessary. In many instances discipline is necessary to keep children out of danger and help them with situations they are not yet ready to handle because of their age, intelligence or ability. Through discipline a child learns how to behave, to respect the rights of others and to follow rules. What doesn’t work: Discipline is not a synonym for punishment. Discipline means showing children positive alternatives and an opportunity to see how their actions affect others. Discipline teaches children to share and cooperate, to learn to handle their anger and to feel successful and in control of themselves. When children are punished, they learn only what not to do. Their behavior is controlled through fear and their feelings are not respected. Use language to help solve problems: Establish fair, simple rules and state them clearly. When children acquire language, help them use words rather than actions to express how they feel. Similarly, when you are disciplining your child, tell her that you understand what she is feeling. After the preschool years, a child is able to understand behavior, and is interested in it. For example, a 7-year-old may hit her younger brother when he grabs her toy. In the child’s world, it’s difficult to have a younger sibling messing with your things. So, accompany the discipline with a statement that tells her you know how annoying it can be to have someone getting in the way, but she is not allowed to hit. Negotiate: Negotiation does not mean parents or children get their way. When done with sensitivity, negotiation makes everyone feels part of the solution to a problem. Even young children like to feel they have a choice rather than being forced into something. Pick your battles: Some issues just aren’t worth the fight. Discipline doesn’t mean that parents always win. You may feel as if you’re giving in, but there are times when you should decide if what your child’s carrying on about is worth the fuss. Time out: When it works it really works! The timeout is time honored for good reason: It teaches the child that for every action there is a reaction. Specifically, timeout provides two important objectives: It immediately stops unwanted behavior and it gives the child (and parent) a necessary cooling-off period. The general rule of thumb is to start a time out immediately after the incident or behavior and have a designated spot for the time out. The number of minutes the child is in timeout should be generally equivalent to his age—five minutes for a 5-yearold. Some children may need to be held during the timeout to stay, and physically feel, in control, and some children may be too scared about being alone to have this technique work. Timeout can be useful, but it is not a one-size-fits-all strategy. Parents must guard against its overuse and realize other forms of discipline may work better, depending on the child and/or the incident. Ignoring: For some infractions, the simple act of ignoring the behavior will make it disappear. Some children misbehave as a way of getting attention, and parents may unwittingly encourage the behavior they are trying to stop. Rewards: Positive reinforcement is the best technique for encouraging desirable behavior. People are unquestionably more motivated to do the right thing in order to get a reward and to avoid punishment. Rewards are not bribes; they are ways to show a child that she is doing a good job. Natural consequences: Parents always have the option of using natural consequences to drive home a point. Natural consequences help children learn to take responsibility for their actions and help parents realize that the long-term gain will be worth the shortterm discomfort. For example, the 8year-old who is refusing to eat what you made for dinner and expecting a private catered meal can be told to eat what is offered or nothing. One night without a full meal will not deprive the child nutritionally in the long run, but it will teach him that there are limits to dinner behavior. No more ‘no’: Both parents and children get tired of hearing “no” all the time. Too many no’s lose their meaning. Saying “no” doesn’t help a child learn what will get her a “yes.” Parents have to work especially hard to frame things in a positive rather than negative way. Positive statements teach children what is appropriate. It is not enough to tell a child what not to do; you should also teach them a better alternative. Prevention: With time, parents get to know their child’s trouble spots. Then prevention is in order. For example, if every time you go to the grocery store your 4-year-old cries and begs you to buy her various items on all the shelves, devise a plan before you go. You might give her an empty box of an item you want to buy and have her help you hunt for it. Perhaps you can also tell her you will stop at the library, or plan some other treat, if she helps you. Preparing children in advance for a change from one activity or environment to another helps them manage the transition. Need An Advantage? Ken Turner Selling & Buying Property in the Ogden Valley is competitive & challenging. Call me to find out the advantages of listing and buying with an Ogden Valley Real Estate Specialist & Resident. Ken Turner 791-4222 E-mail: Turner@Csolutions.net Please visit my website @ www.ogdenvalleyproperties.com Wardley GMAC Real Estate - Eden Office Happy Holidays from Wasatch Paving |