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Show Kathleen Norris Says: After the Wartime Wedding Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. "When you go out with other boys and they send you flowers, you re doing something that a wife isn't supposed to do." By KATHLEEN NORRIS WE'LL suppose that you've married your soldier or sailor or marine or flyer, and that he's gone away into service somewhere. some-where. Now, what's the next step for you? What should you do to carry on while he's away, and to help build a new and better world when he comes home? This question concerns more than a million women. Nearly two million war weddings have taken place in the last 18 months, and several hundred hun-dred thousand brides, having been caught into the breathless, breath-less, thrilling, emotional whirl of hurried marriage, are left today to wonder just how it is all coming out. Some of them are already bewildered be-wildered and doubtful. It all seems unreal; the sudden appearance of the uniformed lover, the quick vows and brief kisses, the parting perhaps per-haps for months, perhaps even for years. Mary catches her breath when it is all over, and looks at her new ring and writes her new name, and wonders 1 Yes,' she wonders. For she doesn't really feel married. When sympathetic sympa-thetic relatives and friends say flattering flat-tering things of Tom she agrees eagerly; he's a pretty swell person, per-son, she says shyly. But is he? Does she really know anything about him? Husband's Letters Surprise Wife. Sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes Some-times his letters rather surprise her. Sometimes it surprises her and irks her when her mother gently suggests that she had better stop going about to dinners and dances with the old crowd. "But good heavens, Mother," says Mary, flushing resentfully, "Tom said he wanted me to have a good time!" "Yes, I know, darling. But your first thought has to be Tom, now. You see, Billy and Ben and Martin still like you very much, and they hardly know Tom, they may even resent his sweeping in here and carrying you off so suddenly. When you go out with other boys, and they send you flowers, you're doing something that a wife isn't supposed to do." "So all my fun is over!" Mary says bitterly. At 21 she doesn't feel that her whole interest can be turned to Red Cross work, dirh-washing dirh-washing at the canteen, knitting, good brisk walks, books and victory vic-tory gardening. She is still the girl she was when Tom burst into her life a few months ago. And at this point, if Mary goes idle and aimless, as so many young wives do, her marriage and per- haps the happiness of her whole lifetime are at stake. What she needs is work; useful and constructive construc-tive work; something to keep her busy all day. bring her home tired at night, and give her something worthwhile about which to write to Tom. Hundreds of young war-wives and anxious mothers write me about this problem. The other day a mother mailed me a printed list of the four questions that a certain New York clergyman, the Rev. Dr. Randolph Ray of New York, asks the couples that he marries. Do they really know each other, are they really in love, have they similar simi-lar backgrounds or interests, and when they are reunited after the war, do they realize that they may feel themselves complete strangers? strang-ers? More Than Love Needed. But it seems to me these questions ques-tions are not the really important Dnes. Happy marriages have taken place and have lasted for a life- j TAR WIVES URGED TO KEEP BUSY Work, constructive activity, study these are the answers to the millions of war brides whose husbands are away. The wise bride of today realizes that she must prepare for the time when her soldier returns. Long separations particularly particular-ly if the marriage teas hurried must be counteracted by strong character, sympathy, and understanding. Wives who are running around with other men while their husbands are at war are not displaying the qualities which ivill lead them to a long, happy marriage. They should be working and building for the future. time, even when the answers to all these questions might be "No." That is, to all but "are you really in love?" However brief the illusion illu-sion the answer to this would always al-ways be "Yes." Being "in love" is indeed a brief illusion, and any marriage based wholly upon that is bound to bring disappointment There has to be more than the irresistible drawing together, the ecstatic physical need for one another that we call "being in love." And for the other three questions; well, we all know men and women who hadn't known each other well, who hadn't the same backgrounds or interests, who were perfectly aware that after a long separation they would seem strangers, and who yet have carried war marriages along from 1916 and 1917 to the proud days of grandparenthood and the Silver Wedding. The essential to happy marriage, or happy living at all, lies in the word "character." Men and women wom-en of fine character will make a success of any marriage, or of any circumstances that follow mar-ricge; mar-ricge; weaklings won't. There is the situation in a nutshell. The wise war bride of today will begin now to build for the time when her soldier comes home. She will realize that In this long separation sep-aration she must hold him by her sweetness, her sympathy, her intelligent in-telligent interest in what interests him; her growth in self-forgetful-ness, service, faith and hope while he is away. She will work. In defense work or in one of the services; in hospitals, hos-pitals, canteens, Red Cross work rooms, machine shops, munition plants. She will write. Chatty, affectionate affection-ate letters; letters that show Tom the sort of woman she is. Letters that prove that she is not absorbed wholly in movies, good times, clothes. Letters that reveal her own developing soul. Prepare for Future Together. She will study. It doesn't matter mat-ter what she studies, as Ion? as she takes it seriously. If Tom was, or some day hopes to be, a chemist, a lawyer, an engineer, a photographer, photogra-pher, a dentist, a teacher, her course is very clear. Let her enroll en-roll at the nearest college or business busi-ness school or night school for the elementary course Jn his particular particu-lar line. Then what she writes in her letters will be in his own tongue. She will pell her weight at home. With dusting and dishwashing and answering the telephone and marketing, mar-keting, of course, and with the spiritual counterparts of these services serv-ices as well; cheerfulness, hopefulness, hopeful-ness, merriment, courage. For Tom may come home wavering waver-ing slightly in his allegiance, too. He may remember Mary but vaguely; she was awfully cute, and her picture pic-ture was keen, of course, but gosh, he can't remember or else he never nev-er knew what she really was like, or thought, or believed in. |