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Show you have to be at the office by seven tomorrow to-morrow you had batter retire." "I suppose I had," lio answered, bnt before going to his room he went to the kitchen and procured a can of tomatoe, returning to the parlor, he opened the can and was just going to pnt his watch in the toinatots, when Mrs. Jones saw his action, "Good heavens Jeremiah, what are yoa doing?"she exclamed. "My dearest Maria." said Jones meekly, meek-ly, "you know that my watch is slow and that it is always behind," Yes." "Well, I'm going to leave it this can of tomatoes till morning so it can ketchup' Then silence reigned enpreme, and for the first time in his life Jeremiah Jones had the last word. GRINNING GRIM SMS- Not Always Funny but Sometime. Original. "Loose habits often cause a man to become be-come 'tight," Yes George when the young lady askes for a heavier wrap it is a 8ure sign that there is a coolness between yon. - "This getting up in the middle of the night to get breakfast ia just killing me" remarked Walter, upon being called at 8 a.m. "There is no rest for the wicked." Wonder If that is the reason we eo frequently fre-quently hear of preachers suffering with "that tired feeling." Because a man stays out late, catches a little cold and becomes a little ho(a)rss it does not imply that he is of a balky disposition. "Boys it is a sin to use tobacco ia any form," remarked the minister, as he loaded his nasal organ witu snuff, and then was unable to account for the laugh that followed. "Love never tires of running love's errands," bnt the lover hates like the old harry to walk four miles to see his girl, only to find that she has gone out with another fellow. "Say Walt, ho.w is it that you manage to get up at six o'clock now days?" "V ell you see," drawled Walt, "I've got a great scheme, I eat yea9t cake for supper and It makes me rise early." Tramp Please ma'am kin I borror yer ax? Housewife What do you want the ax for? yoa have cut all the wood, and I have paid you for it. Do yon want to steal my ax? Tramp No ma'am, I jUt wanted to cut this pie. An exchange lu au article on sugar beets, says "There are several kinds of beets." We are painfully aware of the fact, here in our town, there U the pickle beet, the sngar beet, the mask beat, the carpet beat, the policeman's beat, the drnm beat, the heart beat, the dead beat and the poor devil that got beat; we define the dead beat as being a useless; uncivilized, cubs, who tries to work the local paper for a free "ad." man and wife. "Brief and to the point" said Jones as he came in contact with a tack which hfrd been placed oh Ms chair accl.dently on purpose by Mrs. Jones. ''Quite right" said Mrs. Jones, and she added iu that peculiarly fierce tone that only a married man has heard or can understand, "Although you do not always al-ways come to the point y " " I came to it that time," Interrupted Jones. "Jeremiah Jones, will yoa listen a moment?".screamed Mrs.S. stamping her number 7, that squeezed Into a 2 calf skin foat glove, and upon being aesurred that he would she went on; "Although you do not always come to the point, your intervals of rest will be very brief unless you get me a new dress." "Going "Go-ing out again? Jeremiah, what are you np to?" "Up to my neck In coat," he answered at he finished buttoning that garment. "How dare you answer me like that? I wonder what has got Into you?" "One of your indigestible biscuits, Maria, and I am only going down town to see a physician and try and obtain some relief." Knowing the dangerous quality of her biscuits and fearing that he had really attempted to eat one, she became alarmed alarm-ed and throwing her arms around his neck, coaxed him not to go She led him to the-sofa and sent for the doctor. Then she removed his coat, est, shoes and stockings, and hugged him and kissed him, and petted him in a manner quite common with women when they are working you for a new dress. "What shall I do," she sobbed, as she pnt one of her delicately shaped hands under his head and with the other quietly emptied his right trowsers pocket. Just then the doctor arrived and at once commenced to make a critical criti-cal examination of his patient. He saw at a glance what the tronble was, Bnd after using a stomach pump on Jones for two hours, he administered an antidote anti-dote for poison and took hig departure, promising to call again in the morning. Jones lay quite still for some time after the doctor had gone, then turning his face go that the light from the chandelier fell full npon it, he feebly asked: "Maria are my feet all right?" "Of course they are dearest, a new dress what makes you ask?" "Well, when the doctor was using that sewer pump, I felt like my feet were being drawn up Into my mouth, and I can almost swear that he pumped one out." "Nonsense darling, two dresses you are all right and I'm so glad. I tell you what I'll do my love," another dress she continued after a pause, "I'll throw all those biscuits away first thing in the morning." "Don't do it Maria," said he "I have to drown a litter of kittens to-morrow and shall need the biscuits for weights." This request caused Mrs. Jones to feel decidedly warm under (lie collar, but she kept her temper within bounds and bweetly said, "Very well dearest, a new bonnet it shall be as you say, and as |