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Show V " m"" '" ' "i i i, ii ii i!7!Tiii i ?-'' Jy7iMji 1 1 nil1" fWA v I pW Wee wra5J XBBKP' J'zt&rs'jji ft 1 I I ouatt r 15 EXPENSIVE PHRASE. Tho Into Gov. Patlson tised to toll with keen gusto the following: A certain candldato thought that his chanco for election would bo Increased In-creased If ho ncquired a knowledgo ot Pennsylvania Dutch, so ho prevailed on a friend who was familiar with that patnts to accompany him nnd post him how to get off a ftmsikTiV tv Dutch sentenco at VW& -53 tl10 cnd ot cacn jU 8pi.0Ch. This plan I piovcd a great sue fj I cess and tho candl- fT. Kgvyxi dnt0 was dollghtcd oivjtjjwrA with tho oxpcrl- lYS ff Ift tnent. ft'3gj5?rjLr In tho oxclto- tPXkV HNQmcn' ' ono mco"" SfegjrA rA W'-ig. howovor, ho IffVYi vP ll forBot no Phraso ti"YyC " so patiently taught him early In tho flay by his mentor, nnd under cover of taking a glass of wntor hastily communicated that fnct to his friend. "Never mind," was tho whispered reply, "Just sny 'Was nempst?' " This the speaker innocently did, nnd the result astonished him. "Such a iiish from a hall," ho after-wnrd after-wnrd said, "was probably novcr beforo witnessed In tho stato of Pennsylvania. Pennsyl-vania. That llttlo phraso was Pennsylvania Penn-sylvania Dutch for 'What will you havo to drink?' nnd tho proprietor of ! tho hotel to which my audience had . adjourned taxed mo $24 for my 'Was nempst?' break." New York Times. NATURALLY RED-HEADED. Shortly before ho sailed for Europo Col. W. II. Cody (Huffnlo Bill) was entertaining Dr. J. L. Glrdner with a few lessons In ethnology gleaned from experiences among tho Indians in his early days. "By tho way. Doc," ho asked ab a row nnd O'Brien, ruptly, "over seo a t-a. rod-hoadod In- f dlan?" Vy "Nover did, and "ct"?S XV?) novcr heard of AV,1 ffitflL Buch a freak, Colo- J IJljffmJrVrf)) "I saw ono, a. 1N Ij J Cherokco, down onTSifk W aa-tho aa-tho Fort Scot tT 3h-1v r!vc trail," quietly nn- WfflCiP&S Bwercd Cody, nnd j F$ f then stopped, wnlt- 1 lng for "a rise." XsE-cfiUoffiE' It enme. "Ilather unusual sight, that, wasn't It?" 'Rather; but, ou seo, this Indian wns bald." New York Times. 8UCCESSFUL CONVERSION. T. Dart Walker, art editor of Les-llo's Les-llo's Weekly, has been persuaded to mnko a monograph of this year's experiences ex-periences with tho navy as an art-seaman. art-seaman. Ho saw many things aboard ship that havo escaped tho eyes ot tho layman. lay-man. Tho Kearsargo wns his marlno homo for somo time "Ono of tho quaintest characters," ho said, "that I know was O'Brien, tho navvy who policed tho ship. Ho was chosen because, ho could lick any mari on board. Tho spirit of light Is developed, not squolchod, In tho navy, but thoro must bo somo ono who Is nblo to sllonco tho biggest man that walks tho deck. "O'Brien's methods woro slmplo but sure. Ono afternoon two men got Into fwho wns in my itntoroom.wns sent tor. Ho oxcusod himself, walked down tho deck, nnd In flvo minutes ro-$ ro-$ turned as If noth H mg had happened. 1 Two things had J happened If not more, a bump over j tils left tomplo and f, tho beginning of a '-' black oyo. "'How about It, O'Brien?' said I. "'NaA'thlnV he replied. "'Nawthln,' I lepentcd, poln'ing to eo and temple 'Nawtiiu. uniih ' ho went on; '1 had a qm i ( i - Minim with Jako In his bunk. I took him below and shut tho door, nnd wo labored religiously together. We're both bcllevln' moro In tho power ot God nnd Old Olre-lnnd Olre-lnnd nnd less In tho dlvll now, than wo did nforo our tnto-a-tnto.' " Now York Times. SISTERS-IN-LAW. Tho negro Is sometimes a good deal mixed regarding relationships, as tho following incident Illustrates: A lady had n negro cook who must havo been 70 years of age, but who, in splto of her years, was "flno In tho business" when It enmo to cooking. Another colored woman of ndvanccd years wns In tho habit of coming to seo tho cook, nnd ono day tho lady said: "Dinah, who is that old colored woman I sometimes find In tho kitchen kitch-en with you?" "Dat old 'oomnn, missus? Oh, she's Jess a relationship of mine." "What kind of a relationship, Dinah?" "Well, sho's sho's well, I guess sho's my slstnh-ln-lnw." "You guess that sho Is your slstcr-ln-law? Don't you know." "Well, I reckon I does. I reckon sho's my slstnh-ln-law because, you seo, wo bofo hnd de samo husban' bo-fo' bo-fo' do wah. Dat's how como sho's my slstnh-ln-law." Llpplncott's Magazine. Mag-azine. WIDOWED HENS. In tho early summer a friend hired a houso on Statcn Island with all Us belongings, Indoors and out, tho latter lat-ter Including ft horse, a cow, pigs nnd poultry. Whllo thcro woro about 100 hens, thero woro but two roosters, and In this flock tho elght-year-old daughter daugh-ter becamo deeply Interested. "Papa," sho said ono dny, "what nro those two big chickens with red combs on their foreheads?" "Those, my child, aro roosters," sho was Informed. "Well, what nro roosters?" "Thoy aro tho fathers." "Oh! And what aro all tho others?" "Why. they aro tho mothers." moth-ers." After a moment's reflection Edith Innocently remarked: "My gracious, papa, what nn awful lot of fathers must havo MM to leave so many mothers all alone "Now York Press. SUPERFLUOUS GOOD NEWS. It was at tho close of tho campaign In which Mr. Harrison defeated Mr. Cloveland for tho presidency. Senator Blackburn nnd "Privato" John Allen, tho keon-tongued representative from Mississippi, wero standing together in '.ho cnpltol at Washington when l W. U. Hearst hur- fy led up and cxclt- w""jV dly displayed a (ZsJr .elegram from his j&Jk j(E 'other, Senator iSto'' Hearst, In Callfor- 1539) yv ila. Tho messago jj ' "As suro as thcro I LaPPtl s a God In heaven I VJE? Lh Irovcr Cloveland L fi)Jnffl ins carried Call- XnAt ornla." j -jj.r N It was already """'""""'SsSi nown thnt New York had gone for Harrison, so that it really mndo no dlffercnco which way California cast her vote. Mr. Alien solomuly folded tho telegram nnd handed it back, and remarked: "Your father's telegram domlnds mo of ft friend of mine who went to Colorado. Not long nfterward his wlfo received a tolegrnm which read: 'Jim thrown oft a broncho and his neck, both legs, and ono arm brokon.' A llttlo later. In tho midst ot her tears, tho widow received nnother messago from tho sympathetic cowboys. It read: 'Matters not so bad. Jim's arm not broken. "Now York Times. BENNY ON THE KANGAROO. Tho kangaroo Is an animal with four logs, but It only uses half of thorn at a tlmo. This Is becauso Us front legs nln't of much account. What It does not havo In front legs Is makes up In hind legs. Tho ronson why tho kangaroo kanga-roo stands up straight llko a man Is that its tall Is too heavy for it, and kind of pulls tho head up In tho air. I have heard it said that if you cut off a Kangaroo's tall the tall will grow nnother kangaroo, but tho kangaroo cannot grow another tall. Onco thcro was a man who diow n kangaroo In a lottery. When ho found he could not rldo tho animal he trailed it for a bicycle, which Is far more useful nnd you do not havo to feed It. Let us learn from this not to ho cast down when obstncles rlso before us on our pathway through llfo, and If wo nro good nnd obedient our teachers we will succeed. The kangaroo does not walk llko a bird or n human being, but Jumps. I would rather bo a grizzly griz-zly bear which Is contont with poa-nuts poa-nuts and rnw moat, and sleeps through tho long, dreary hours. Bonny. SECRETARY TAFT WAS SORRY. Brlg.Gen. John P. Weston Is happy ovor tho order permitting officers to wear civilian clothes whllo on duty at tho wnr department In Watlflngton. It Is current gossip In military clrclos that Gen. Weston was responsible foi the order Ho went Into Secretary Taft's offlco tho other day nnd It wns n hot day wearing his heaviest uniform blouse, which somo of his fellow ofllccrs suy ho donned purposely, purpose-ly, and showed that he was uncom-fortablo uncom-fortablo The order was Issued by Secretary Taft Immediately after tho general left. A few days later Secretary Secre-tary Taft met Gen. Weston In a corridor corri-dor of tho war department. "I wns looking for you," snld tho general. "I wanted to tell you how good It feels to bo able to wear my Jacket unbuttoned," Gen. Weston had on a light civilian coat. Ho throw it back around his shoulders to display tho p'tikest pink negllgeo shirt that over adorned tho person of a general officer of tho nrmy. "Gen. Weston," said Secretary Taft, "If I had known that thnt order would permit any officer to expose a shirt llko that I'd never havo Issued it." NO TIME TO LOSE. Miss Maude Tennnnt of tho Presbyterian Presby-terian Hospital Nursing Bureau meets with mnny memorable experiences In her dally rounds. The work is of lato foundation, nnd the nurses nro marked In tho neighborhood of their visits. Tho children particularly mako friends with them nnd call them "Pcrfesscr," "teacher" and "officer." A fow days ngo Miss Tcnnant was ton an emorgoncy cast, and was hurrying hur-rying to her patient pa-tient when scores of gamins sur rounded her, seizing seiz-ing her by skirt, hands, capo and bag, and begging for candy and pea-"H pea-"H u 1 1 o, Porfcss-er," Porfcss-er," said ono. Might wo go nlong with ycr?" "Teacher! Teacher!" shouted another an-other with a flcrco grip on her skirt "Now, boys, you must let mo go. I'vo got to seo a very sick woman. Another tlmo I'll talk to you, and we'll havo candy " "Wo know nil about It," shouted tho ringleader, a boy of soven. 'You'vo got a Presbyterian baby In your bag for tho Ferrararaa, and you better hustlo, 'cause there's a Catholic and a Salvation Army nurso on the way and they'll get theirs In first." New York Times. THE FRESH AIR CHILDREN. In crossing tho ferry ji llttlo boy who was going to the country for tho first time stood on tho upper forward deck and looked thoughtfully toward Jersey City. Noticing that ho kept apart from his friends and was much absorbed In thought, tho missionary In charge of the party put her arms around the child and snld: "What nro you thinking of?" "13 dat do country over dero?" asked the child, as ho raised his thin llttlo arm In tho direction of Jersey City. "No, that is tho city. Tho country Is miles nnd miles beyond that." Tho llttlo boy turned to tho missionary mis-sionary and, with a smllo of relief, said: "I'm glnd that ain't tho country, 'tauso If it was I wouldn't go. Dat placo ovor dero is tho place whero tho bad boys go when they die, nln't It?" Tho missionary looked puzzled for a moment, but caught tho child's meaning mean-ing when a bright llnmo shot up from tho gas works of Jersey City and lighted light-ed up tho sky. Now York Tribune. ARTISTIC INSTINCT. At tho closing banquet of tho Stato Bunkers' Association at Old Point Comfort, Attorney Gnrland Pollard, of Richmond, responded to tho sentiment senti-ment "Tho Ladles." Ho declared that when ho considered his subject It filled his heart with poetic Inspiration nnd recalled to mind tho thrilling words of tho poet who snld: Little cnilnn of powder, Llttlo daubs of paint, Mnko tlic llttln freckles Appear ns If they nln'tl WHAT PLEASED VETERANS. Dr. C. Alphonso Smith, recently elected president of the Unlvorslty of TonncBsee, has been chuckling to himself him-self for tho last fow days over a lot-tor lot-tor he got from a Confederate veteran. veter-an. Slnco tho publication somo months ngo of his English grammar Dr. Smith has recolved many congratulatory congratu-latory letters, but nono thnt gave him so much real ' t pleasuro as tho fFa&W-l ono from tho old .Kf s siv Kentucky soldier, (V&..V " who is ono of thnt KJ fast disappearing "KTr few who havo not ntQl yet found out thnt W)iS yw tho civil war Is Syrt "I havo rend yT jpg with plensuro," JyvK tho letter said, jjp' fl "your E n g 1 1 s fiCy grammar, and fiYfhdi want to wrlto you av a pcrsonnl noto of thanks for giving our school chlldron such n toxt book. But, as an old Confedornto soldier, I want to thank you especially nnd toll you how happy I am that a grammar has at last boon written 'from the Southorn standpoint."1 Whon Dr. Smith wns nskod when ho showed this letter how ho could possibly hnvo dragged "tho Southern standpoint" Into nn English grammar, ho replied: "I'm suro I don't know. But por-hnps por-hnps In illustrating somo construction I usod a sentenco llko this: "'Ono Confed rnto whipped ton Yankees.' "- Now York Times. |