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Show THE HUMOR OF LIFE CHOICE8T JEST8 AND JINGLES OF THE WEEK. Accepted 8ultor to Earn a Name for Hit Wife Boy Kept Hit Eye on tho Horse, a Instructed The Inetfl-eacy Inetfl-eacy of Words. Kept His Word. "Will you keep an eye on my horie, my son, while I step In and get a drink?" "YeB, sir." Stranger goes In, gets his drlflk. comes out, and finds his horso ml using. us-ing. "Whero Is my horse, boy?" "He's run'd away, sir." "Didn't I tell you to tako care of him, you young scamp?" "No, sir; you told mo to keep my eye on him, and I did till he got clonn out of sight" The Inefficacy of Words. "Tho older I get," said Mr. Biggins, roflectlvcly, "the more I am Inclined to distrust conversation." "Havo you been misled again?" "Yes. I expected that the trusts would bo annihilated six weeks ago. I havo observed with sorrow that, while there Is much talk of putting down the trusta, they never get put down. On the other hand, tho trusts never say a word about putting up prices. But tho prices go up, Just the name." Pleasant for Dlggles. "Mr. Dlggles," said tho boy with big ruffles on his shoulders, "I wish you would let me come and seo whero you llvo; I want to look at your room." "Why, certainly. But what made you think of that?" "My sister said It was better than your company, so I thought it must be something fine." 8lmilar Sounds. "Ethel," Bald Mrs. Subbubs, sternly, stern-ly, "after that young man had said 'good-night' to you on tho porch last evening I heard sovcral sounds like kisses." "Yes?" replied tho girl, demurely. "Oh! I know. What you heard was the nolso he made pulling his feet out of tho mud as he walked down tho path." Very Different Benham I bellovo a woman cn lovo two men at the same time. Mrs. Benham If she's a married woman she has to try to. Benham What do you mean? Mrs. Benham She has to try to love her husband, and he Isn't the same man when thoy have company that ho Is when they haven't any. Both Learned and Ignorant. "Why Is it that so few -people seem anxious to talk to Mr. Carping ton? He seems woh informed." "That's Just tho difficulty," answered an-swered Miss Dlmpleton. "He's one of those dreadful men who know enough to correct your mistakes when you quoto tho classics, and who don't know enough not to do It." The Perversity of Man. Toss Sho has finally convinced her husband that golf playing Is sinful, especially es-pecially on Sundays. Jess Why, I didn't know he ever cared for tho game. Toss Ho didn't. That's tho only way sho could get him to play with her. An Exception. "Curious man, that Blnx." "What has ho been doing?" "Nothing. It Is what ho refrains from doing that makes him remarkable. remark-able. Ho's just purchased a rcsldenco out of town and nover says a word about being obliged to sleep under blankets. Sure. "Do you think bo earns his salary?" "Suro. He worked four years to land that job." Helpful. "Here's 'Housekeeper' bothering mo again," said tho correspondence editor. edi-tor. "She wants to know how to keep jars, of preserves from getting moldy on tho top." "That's easy," replied tho snake ed itor. "Tell her to turn thorn upsldo down." Only Those Who Knew Him. Miss MalBon; "Excuso my Ignor-anco, Ignor-anco, but ought I to call you Mr. Bones or Dr. Bones?" Tho Doctor (Irascibly): "Oh, call mo an old Idiot." Miss Malson; "Ah; but thoso aro only people who know you lntlm-otoly." No Economy uii tv A -j see you're economical," remt th neighbor. .u an- i "I thought I was," ruefully an red tho householder. h -I was referring to your J Q chairs." explained the nelrfrtor. , sa you painting them yoW otocr day, and that was economy, wasn't it?" '1 thought it was." 'Well, wasn't It?" "Not exactly. I neglected to tell my wife I'd done It and the job cost me ope new gown In addition to tne punt" How He Knew. Bhe That couple In front of us do you think they aro married? Ho Yes, I am sure they ,are. They have been married a long time, too. She Why, how do you know? I He Have you noticed that when a pretty girl comes on the stago she always hands tho opera glasso9-,over to him? A Keen Analysis. MM j "Yes," said the beautiful girl, "I trill marry you, but first you must make a name for yourself." j "For myself?" muses the suitor. "Bather should you say a name) for you." A Dangerous Tie. Strawber Old man, I'm going to take the fatal step to-night and pro. pose to Miss Qulllcutter. j Slngerly Are you going to do it la , , tfeat necktie? "' Strawbei1 Why, yes, of course. Slngerly Then if she says "Yes," old fellow, you may be sure it it a cast of true love. t Her Expertnets. "Is your typewriter an expert?" "Well, rather. Why, she has the office in a turmoil more than half the I time." j "How Is that an indication of an j expert typewrltlst?" 'j "Oh, I didn't say she was an ex- II pert typewrltlst She'u an expert. !a flirt" 1 Conscientious. I C "You told our summer boarfleiti ' V that we never skim any of our milky l said Farmer Corntossel's wife In a 1 j tone of gentle roproof. t Sy "I told 'em the truth," answered a Farmer Corntossol. "We buy It at- V ready skimmed from the dairyman. B For the Benefit of Cupid. i Colla "O, wo had a delightful time ' ' at Ophelia's announcement party." ! Delia "What did you do?" J Colla "Sho had us submit sealed i guesses as to tho man she is en- j I gaged to; tho girl who guessed right Is to bo maid of honor." , i He Had Been In Paris, Too. f "I seo that Chauncey Depew Isn't feeling well and Is homesick and hat tho blues." "Where Is ho?" "In Pnrls." "Oh, that's Just tho way I felt tho next morning." His Warm Greeting. if "I saw that handsome Mr. Styles wo 8 met at tho ball, In his motor car, to- JjJ day." ! "Did he speak to you?" ' "Yes, ho shouted to mo to look out aa I was crossing tho street." I, Time to Quit. i "Yes," sam tho absent-minded man, j "I havo quit doing my own shaving. It really is dangerous." "Norvous?" asked tho barber. f "Oh, no. But yesterday I tried m, j lather my faco with tho razor." , i His Trouble. Burroughs I should think you'd be,. J ablo to furnish moro comfortable' J quarters for yourself than these. Markley I would if I had only not J furnished so many comfortablo halvoa and dollars for my' friends. m Didn't Press the Question. I Femalo lawyer How old aro you? 1 Feraalo witness You know as woll ns I do that I'm Just a week youngor I than you aro, but if necessary m Femalo lawyor (hastlly)r-Nover 1 mind; ft Isn't necessary. M Looks That Way. 1 Why Is It," said tho self-conscloua f young man who Is to bo married 1 that all tho world loves a lover?" I "Perhaps," answered tho ooarso '1 and cynical person, "it la becauso pity I la akin to lovo." ' Prominence. 13 "Ho's becoming quite a promlnont hi cltlion, Isn't ho?" "mom m "Woll, I should nay! Why ho can I get his picture In tho papers1 wlthoA having to bo cured of something.' 1 Kept It Moving, 1 Did any ono evor read your writ. I Inrs?" asked the artist. J "Certainly!" responded tho haughty poet. "Every editor In (fa, C0S has read thera." country J |