Show Self-esteem Self management skills help ensure success success Janice S. S Blackham Horizon Copy Editor PART fART I 1 IN A SERIES t Its It's Friday rooming morning in Math vath rid arid tl cIs experiencing ex- ex ex experiencing x perien n what she is an anxiety ty attack She knows she knows sh she didn't sleep very well weIl th the n night before but that alone wouldn't wo cause use her het heart to beat so fast and her insides to feel as if they were on fire Her math teacher is about to hand out an examination examination examination ex ex- on n a concept she believes she cannot do Her continual hours of practice e and study provide her with no increase in confidence Her Het math exam or any exam is more than just a measurement of her comprehension It is a measurement of her self- self worth To Alison her performance is all she is and to her its it's never quite good enough She continually worries what others will think of her based on her performance Alison as well as many other students suffers from a low self- self esteem Her negative view of herself affects her entire life Whether it be on a conscious or subconscious level her low self- self esteem will be a factor in determining what job mate and friends she will select It will undermine her coping skills increase increase increase in in- crease her vulnerability to depression and physical illness her job and examination performance and her het ability to make decisions Neal H H. Mayerson PhD Ph.D. a clinical psychologist in Salt Lake City who specializes in the area of self es teem says that people who suffer from a low self es teem miss out on a lot of satisfaction They live out their lives without experiencing themselves in ways they could They suppress themselves and put themselves last According to them they have no rights lights It can be very tragic missing out on the whole thing living in fear and nd anxiety he says According to Thalie Oakes division counselor of the Single Parent Displaced Homemaker Project at precipitating events can often cause ones one's self-esteem self to waiver She also says that we are all born orn self-loving self and assertive Things happen throughout our lives that cause a loss of self People who have just gone through a divorce have lost a job or have experienced whatever they perceive perceive perceive per per- to be a failure are prime candidates for a faltering faltering faltering fal fal- fal- fal self Often times people who have grown up in families where they didn't feel valued and heard messages that you are no good have a definite disadvantage in coping with life in general she says Conversely Mayerson says that some people come from very comfortable childhoods where life hasn't required them to learn strategies to help them cope with failures disappointments or rejections When these people experience what they perceive to be their first setback they lack the necessary coping skills to get them through their first problem m. m Oftentimes many women encounter their first problem in marital relationships If these women happen to be in an abusive relationship they receive powerful messages According to Oakes these messages messages mes messages mes- mes sages tell a woman that no good and cannot survive without her spouse Lacking effective strategies for coping with these messages these women are in a dangerous position A position that can erode a healthy self self-e self J em Oakes believes that society o i reinforces s that women ar are not as s val valuable abl tas as ni men and Q women omen tend to experience experience ex ex- a low self esteem elf eS en much mb more e frequently than men ITlen do Th Throughout o history ry women ha have e been kept in a one-down one position she says Men have their own issues they are trying to cope with Mayerson says that a self-esteem self problem is not a sexist issue Men in general feel like they are not supposed supposed supposed sup sup- posed to exhibit their problems There are clearly lots of men walking around with self esteem problems clear in the sense that it is evident to other people Men can be excessively shy take very few risks risks' or of orsay say negative things about themselves which are all manifestations of a low self Men cover up where a woman would cry and tell someone A man may deny it to himself or to someone someone someone some some- one else he says There are clearly lots o of f men walking around with self-esteem self problems clear in the sense that it is evident to other people There is more to a alow low self-esteem self than just feeling sad Oakes says many people go through periods in their lives when the they feel better or worse in ves People can feel sad and not hate themselves She adds that a person with a low self self- es esteem eem will say Im a bad person I cant can't cut i it I am just ter ter- ter- ter rib Ie While a person sith mth a healthy healthy esteem teem esteem will say sayI sayI sayI I could have done better Mayerson believes that we are all susceptible to crises of self Healthy strategies for coping help to give us a thicker skin and to become more resilient when setbacks do occur People with a healthy healthy healthy heal heal- thy self-esteem self generally take credit for ses and discount their failures People with self es teem problems tend to do just the opposite they discount their successes and take credit for their failures It is obvious that they are going to feel terrible terrible terrible ter ter- ter- ter about themselves he says For other people feeling good about themselves is frightening They fear success either because it will result in some sort of relationship loss or it can be bemore bemore bemore more disappointing when a failure occurs Mayerson adds Some of the behavior patterns apparent in people with a l low w self self- esteem are depression isolation over-eating over drinking and participation in self self- punishment tactics Others may become aggressive and controlling These kinds of people always have to be right and cannot stand for someone to disagree with them because it shatters their whole lf image lm ge Oakes says that many will confirm how now bad they feel about themselves by not taking C care fre of themselves and will set themselves up to have a belief system that confirms confirms' their low self For example one might say I know that people dont don't like me and if I believe within myself that I Iam Iam Iam am a bad person then Im I'm likely to do things to keep that hat m myth th going After a while awhile it becomes a big risk for them to think of themselves as a good person because because because be be- cause their whole self-image self revolves around being worthless If you take away their negative belief system system system tem they have nothing Oakes says Having nothing nothing nothing noth noth- ing is worse than a low self Because of this the problem can become cyclical Mayerson says some students who habitually put everything off until the last minute are creating an impediment to their own success At some level they are anticipating screwing up and they are building in their excuses They will say I got a B but I wrote the paper last night If I had of spent more time on onit onit onit it I would have done better I really had to cram at atthe atthe atthe the last minute These kinds of people decrease the likelihood that they will succeed so they will be he able to forgive themselves if they dont don't do well He adds Some people focus more on minimizing their self- self esteem losses When you focus on minimizing your losses you tend not to put forth your best effort Alma Mckertich assistant professor of Humanities English says that it is o often en hard to determine those students that may have a self es teem problem in a class of 30 39 but she can often find them in h her smaller classes She does see students especially her best students who are particularly hard on themselves and experience anxiety upon upon receiving a graded paper Its It's as if they are always doubting their efforts and capabilities Mckertich is concerned about the students who believe teachers are not going to like them if they do poorly on n an assignment or a test She knows of knows no of no instructor on this campus who actually dislikes a student because of a poor performance I figure that student just had a l q 1 rd time with that particular particular particular par par- test or assignment she says Math Department Coordinator Don Merrill hears a lot of students say they can do history or English but cannot do math When these students do perform perform perform per per- form well on an examination they discount their heir efforts efforts efforts ef ef- ef- ef forts by saying it was a fluke Merrill realizes that everyone may not have the same ability to comprehend comprehend comprehend com com- and execute difficult mathematical problems but everyone can learn the basics Students US dents dents' fear of math is often the biggest obstacle he says Most people can be more successful successful suc suc- than t they think i is l |