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Show fHLPhillipr Jaw tryvtaiU AND JUST IN TIME, TOO Throw away the towing-station phone! Kiss those upholstery squirrels squir-rels and moths good-by! Forget about that wire you've been saving to hold the fenders and doorknobs in placel The automobile Is coming back! WPB and the automobile manufacturers manu-facturers announce that 200.000 new cars will be made between now and January 1, with another 400,000 following fol-lowing in the first three months of 1940. Before many months you may actually see automobiles in this country with one-piece windshields, j hubcaps on all four wheels and no mice-holes in the cushions. Few things will lift the spirit of Americans more than the prospect of a return to the days when glistening paint Jobs, eye-blinding gadgets and different shaped bodies were as routine rou-tine as the first robin. The bitterness of war hit many I countries in many ways, but most j A meri'i9ne firct avuriUp tr its terrors I when they looked into auto sales-room sales-room windows and found nothing there but the potted palm and the dusty draperies. It has now been three or four years since the American home has answered an-swered a phone and found somebody on the other end saying "How about coming over and giving you a ride to our demonstrator?" And there are people in this country coun-try who can hardly remember those sweet words: "We'll allow yon $800 on the old six and leave the new eight at your door." This country never really knew how good its automobiles were until it had to make them last through a tough war. It made the amazing discovery that the industry had turned out machines that would run without oil. gas. tires, radiators, live batteries or intact pistons. All over America cars have been In operation in defiance of the laws of engineering, gravitation, public, safety, sanitation and rubbish collection. col-lection. And the condition of the pleasure cars has been somewhat outdone by the shapes the trucks were in. There have been trucks on our roads that needed only proper tags to make them museum pieces and collectors' items. They operated on the two-trlps-for-one plan; one trip as scheduled and another trip back over the route to pick up lost parts. But relief is at hand. The Post Hitler Boiler is just around the corner. cor-ner. The Japs are tough, but we can lick them with one hand on the steering gear. RED POINTS WITH YOUR RESTAURANT MEALS ("It has been suggested that restaurant res-taurant patrons give red points for meat orders." News item.) Customer How about a tenderloin? tender-loin? Waiter We have a very good 40 point tenderloin with french fries, or a nice 38 point T-bone with onions. on-ions. .Customer Are you kidding about this point stuff? Waiter No, sir. II you want meat in restaurants you gotta have red points. Customer If I had any red points I would eat at home. Waiter How about some nice halibut? hal-ibut? Customer I didn't come in here for halibut Waiter My dear fellow, what you come into a restaurant for these days is of no importance. We have some very good fried clams. Customer We digress. Do I get a steak or not? Walter Do I get coupons or not? Customer You are not entitled to coupons-Waiter coupons-Waiter Who told you that? Customer Huffnagel, Apsel. Hoffman, Hoff-man, Bernstein, Burnett and Cribbs my lawyers. Walter I've been advised otherwise other-wise by Bowles, Packer. Slaughter and Chef they're my lawyers! Customer Oh, well, it looks like a dead heat Can't we compromise? Walter How? Customer I'll give you half the points required if you'd give me hatf the steak that's represented on the menu. Walter - That's easy. And I'll throw in a glass of water, too. Among the screwy proposals by various groups at the San Francisco conference is one to require five bases in baseball. The backers of the idea are satisfied that to preserve pre-serve peace in the world of tomorrow to-morrow places will be required for at least two good shortstops on the diamond. On the other band the demand for Gve bases may reflect a conviction, convic-tion, held by Private Turkey, that In the world situation for the next few years there will be more run ners on bases than there are bases |