Show e THE DAYS DAY'S GOOD t STORIES I t n DULL ULL MOOSE REPARTEE As a n. rapid fire talker a si machine gun un of at wit and a cannonade of or de denunciation do- do Col Theodore Roosevelt Roose la lit lahard lithard s shard hard to beat beaL But ut there thero w was was s one one onetime time when he met his match and it was fn tn the State of or Indiana where ro cY every every r man woman and child becomes becomes' export in politics before learning flow to walk and dies t expressing regret at not beIna being be be- ing Ina able ablo to live lI until the next dice eloc- tl tion n. n Time colonel was ru rushing along In tho the presidential campaign wi with th a fine tine demonstration last list that 1 Woodrow Wll Wilson on totally unfit for tor tho the White Whito House e was I i dont don't UK like y you u a 3 man on the tho outskirts ont of the tho crowd Interrupted I to his feet and shaking hi his fist II I Youre Toure a Democrat I suppose said the colonel mn man agreed agreed that ho he was wasa a Demo Demo- The Th the speaker asked him wh why crat t and era replIed Plied the tho disturbing ea tint my great grandfather m my el clement grandfather grandfather and my father were Democrats Dem- Dem S dear friend sal said the col colonel nel sly Iy excellent sarcasm if It your great great- reat- reat with nd j your grandfather grandfather had each been a fool tool father ther and your our would said yo u r be w what the limo limor Interrupter a Bull n Sir said Magazine l Popular OV oY Tim mitt WAGON 0 G o According to the press pres s d dispatches Emperor William has condemned the tho drinking of ot beer and wines wIlles and is isnow Isnow isnow now a teetotaler Spread l the news from t farm rm to farm Sound the tocsin of or alarm Hide tho the omnipresent flagon flagon- Kaiser Bill Is on tho the wa wagon on passe parse to get a n. jag jaK on Lushing now hl has a l lost st Its charm Clamp the lid upon the thc stein Social draughts rau h ls you OU must mUtt decline Cut out schnapps also budweiser For the gr great at discerning kaiser Thinks that It would be much wiser To drink water from the Rhine Will the hard hardy German chaps chapp Cease to irrigate their maps Just because their ruler rages rages Oer O'er a Custom m known for ages of Teutonic sages Rages Certainly th they J. J will vill v ill perhaps 1 A novelty In safety ra razors on ha has been placed on th tho market In Paris F Externally Ex Ex- x It resembles K a a. large sized fountain pen but the cap tor forma R a lid which when unscrewed r reveals eals a n. razor Instead of ot a R nib The Ink reservoir holds a dozen spare blades r South Africa has bas new newspapers representing a a. capital Investment in of ot and giving employment to 1000 Europeans and a largo number of or natives f ASK TOM 0 j Of Ot all the things thinKS Id I'd like to be beIm berm be- be Im I'm no ambitious gent gentIt gent Gont It really would Just tickle me meTo 3 To be vice e president 3 A A. feller teller could drop rop out of ot sight And foller his own bent T r TI I There would be nothing much to doThe do doThe The rho pa pay Is not so bad ba No Xo Journalists w would hang hanS around 4 To roast each whim and fad tad No o ekers by j To drive a feller mad ji i Ho lIe could just loaf loa around tho the houss And AmI not nol dress up lp at all t For no 1 o ono one o ever has been known To bore him with a call 4 And he ho could wear the same samo From early spring till fall tall No bill collectors ever could If Locate him if It the they tried ij Tin TIR doubtful If It the papers paper would 4 j Find out that ho he had died J And no noone one cares caros If IC he has told i iThe The truth or simp simply lied li liv v 4 The They talk about the simple life lite j That brings bring peace pence and content II Tho The Joy of or being all TJ A boon that's heaven that's heaven sent J The simplest method known Is Just To ro be bo vice president jS The highest point in Now No- NoY Y York rk sin eta sinIs Is la Mount Marcy an Adirondack ck pe penH pen which rises feet above sea sen have haveThe teyo The a average or mean elevation of at th state Is eel estimated mated at feet teet r |