| Show AWFUL NICE PLACES The Mysteries Miseries nnd Do lIghts < > f the Conswlnr Service I I Fun exclaimed the old diplomat i If you want fun get the consulship at I Malta Thats one spot where a man can I grow iich abroad 41j500 year And I as for amul m 1tsJ yqu will simply be crowded to death Everybody on the I island works and slaves at least sixteen 1 hoursva day and he is fortunate indeed J I who counts his weekly stipend at 100 I There never has been a theatre or a circus II cir-cus or a secular holiday in Malta and the popular amusement is confined to festa days when the people t congregate in one place and make themselves sick on pink candy In the evening when the hot blistering sun goes down you cango up to the basin where the sea leave a placid pool in the rocks and indulge the giddy dissipation of a bath Oh yes go to Malta and get rich You can live there in splendor for 5 a week but at the end of four years you wont know whether you are a catamaran or a blind fish If that dont uit you try Jerusalem Jerusa-lem Its a great place for excitement and after ayears trial if you scrape together to-gether enoughenergy write a fourpage statement the State Department Ill eat 111Y head There is but one redeemable redeem-able feature about Jerusalem plenty of olives And as for oranges there is no place in the world where they grow so large Jerusalem is i a splendid town in which to study the antique and a consul always gets rich there on 1500 a year but the lirst consul became covetous and induced Congress to indulge in the extravagance ex-travagance of raising his wages to 2000 Do you like music Then get the commerciol agency at Swansea where the slatequarrymen the miners and the dayl borers arc all professional singers I I Why sir at the last grand eistedfodd the I laurels were carried away not by the i trained choirs of London but bv a chorus 1 of rough Welsh quarrymen Sing Why theysing theroofs oft the houses and evendiouse in the downs and the crags contains a nightingale and a hark har-k monica Down in the Penryii quarry the 1 universal occupation of the men oft work is singing and the men have excellent voices If you dont like music tiy a Welsh laborer on theology He is generally gen-erally a nonconformist amMhe Cnly way I have ever found to stop his TC ligous discourse was to take him over to the Monmouth district thereby evading the Sunday law and fill him up with beer In the Welsh country printers on night work get 972 week and on day work 753 shipwrights get 7 boiler 1 m K rsiibq t the sarne and the liple range of mechanical skill is fashioned on the general basis of 9 a week Therefore There-fore go to Wales You may not have much amusement but youll get a goldmine gold-mine of experience Then there is Dundee in Scotland Everybody drinks in that sincursed town and it is stated that its population Ilof 142921 souls annually expend f 1500 OOO ann alJy for spirits and beer Dundee Dun-dee you knowis the birthplace of Hector Hec-tor Bruce the historian Haliburton who was the first to openly profess the ie formed religion in Scotland and Ferguson Fergu-son the poet But if these worthies could come back to earth they wouldnt own Dundee The city today has 8620 houses of only one room each in ivhich there is a population of 23670 and 16 987 houses of two rooms each into which are crowded 34374 men women and children If to these be added three room houses with the people living in them itshows that 118000 of the 140000 inhabitants of Dupdeejive iixhouses of one or three rooms Poverty and misery abound and yet it is the principal of lmennaiufaptur rs and it is an important import-ant n I T 1ci5 ror r JTJ T TVCOirf fiI WoJfirig gmirori and shipbuilding Dundee is the saddest place to me on earth Malta is a Cremorne garden of delights beside thaXfcityi jpnt tr mustsay forthe weatliy citizen of Uundee that they have spent and are spending millions of money in education cha rftabTe ami eleemosynary institutions great parks and magnificent churches Then there is Bordeaux Now if you want to lead a giddy wild life thats just the place for you Bordeaux isbnq ofthe most jQ urfaiung cltis ofICurofie jn i I > injM of industry commerce and the cultivation of the arts ndl 3qiencest i Thats what the guide book says but when you sift it right down its principal business i making vjnejl and brandy nnd exportinff fruit It c ntains the immense theatre built by Louis XVI seating 4000 people The poorer classes are gay and festive and die young Every workingman in Bordeaux has a commendable vanity for fin elotIes generally de med incOJpplete without a pair of liiOhllceled boots aitj a waf hchalll and ri ocketof gilt metal The great tobacco manufactory the gunpowder gun-powder mills the saltpetre refinery and I the shoefactorythere are owned by the government which takes excellent care I of its employes There are 62000 female laborers in Bordeaux and it can truth fully be said that majorityof them tire indiscreet and carelcssof their reputation There are 1000 women actually employed in the quarries and 20000 in the open fieias3 It lsd beautifultity tliough J pd a silohRi1UdsulShip If you want to strike a temperance town take Fayal in the Azores Drunkenness Drunk-enness is a rarity there afrd ycfr wines gnd spirits are sold everywhere The climtanfiU1AtAzorcais perfectly ideligtttA fulrarely below 35 degrees and never above 80 The Azores are particularly lend of dress and very sopiable4 dUt they are a nation of tugafette smokers and are rapidly deteriorating i in physical development develop-ment Fayal is an interesting little town of 30000 people and the principal and oil If expoits are oranges wine you wantsomething1otnantic and Arcadian Arca-dian l aal ia be lac for you Speakmg A of tempQnvnce towns I would also commend yoiv to Catania Italy which has a population i 100000 with scarcely a drink of wlupky or brandy in the town Everybody high and low drinks the native wines at meals and a drunken man has not been see4 pj atatltfpryeiirs ei5no i t andinenlaBritisK Ohrthbre ae hundreds of places I could tell you about where an American could make money on a QtLconsdlslnp but life 1S too short to go throughthe list Come up some evening and Ill give you my fytz periences as a consul 4J It |
