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Show ALL DONE BY MIRRORS Mother Goodness, haven't you heard a thing on that new auto yet, dear? Dad No; they tell me there ain't a chance of getting one for another six months. They just ain't getting 'em through. RADIO -And remember, folks, to get one of those 20 new sedans being given away by Twiggle's Deodorant, You just send in a four-line jingle on body odors . . . just a four-line jingle and four cents in stamps, . . . Every week 20 lucky persons see a brand new 1946 sedan roll up to their door. Mother Now how do you explain that? If they can give twenty cars t week away as prizes In a radio contest I should think that you . . . Dad Now, please, don't make me go into that againl Mother (a little later) I don't know whether to call a doctor or not. Dad What's wrong? Mother All those bruises and contusions. Dad What bruises and contusions? con-tusions? Mother Oh, I got 'em yesterday In one of those nylon lines. It was awful. i Dad Did you get any nylons? Mother No: thousands were turned away. The supply is still terribly limited, you know . . . RADIO And now, folks, for further details in our wonderful contest in which 5,000 pairs of nylons will he distributed dis-tributed absolutely free to the wctmen of America! . . . All you do is send in a 25-word essay on why you use Zaflex for bleeding gums. . . . Merely send in a 25-word essay and the six box tops and win a dozen pairs of nylons. . . . Dad (with sarcasm) Supply scarce, did you say, honey? Mother Now I know I'll have to call the doctor! Those bruises hurt more than ever. Dad (as the radio announces another an-other contest in which 10,000 pairs of suits will be raffled) Make it two doctors! Mother (at the phone) I can't get a doctor. They all say they won't be free for weeks. RADIO Do you want a doctor? Are you feeling indisposed? Clip the tops of four boxes of Byxby's new face si-monizer si-monizer and . , . Mom and Pop Awahh-h-h-hl Merrily We Roll Along A National Highway Safety conference con-ference is being held in Washing-ion, Washing-ion, with its main object safer auto driving. Well, we think its emblem would be four slices of baloney floating float-ing in a dish of applesauce. Everybody Every-body knows that the incredibly reckless driving and the hundreds of tragedies every day are due chiefly to three facts: 1. Few states make more than a pretense of an adequate test for auto drivers, seven out of ten of whom don't even know the elemental elemen-tal rules of the road. 2. Not a community in America has police enough to make a real war on reckless drivers, and the cops now on the job are almost helpless, due to the fact the courts let the reckless drivers off with piddling fines. 3. Big cities, especially New York, permit flagrantly dangerous speeds on crowded streets day in and day j out, with the traffic cops apparently loving it. I "Orson Welles has written a mu-! mu-! sical with forty scenes, calling for 'much activity among the audi- encea ' News Item. If a good title is wanted how about "Welles-A-Poppin"? VANISHING AMERICANS "The government won't stand for it." "Let's see, you had two beers and gave me a quarter; you got 15 cents ; coming back." I W e'U get married first and find a ! place to lite afterwards." "Ask for our 25ent steak sandn ich.' I Models, style parades and the distribution dis-tribution of nylons are now features at Yankee stadium ball games. We expect to hear of a pitcher taken out for a bathing beauty any day DOW. CAN YOV REMEMBER Away back when you could take the car tn a service station and ih'ive the carbon denned for less than the cost of a new auto? "Anybody got a one-man power saw they are sick of what works? Mention your needs and I'll take a look out back. NHM 1903." Yankee magazine. AH we can think of at the moment is a patty of butler. King Victor Emmanuel of Italy has abdicated after 4f years on (or under) the throne Wnntevpr history his-tory may soy of him, it can never classify him as a fellow who couldn't hold a joh. |