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Show Scraps of m. PROGRESS "Weil, this was a great day In the history of our Institution," Mid the president of ths bank, b met nil wife. "Tell me about It, dear." "The board of directors toted onan-imously onan-imously to double tbe size of the banking bank-ing room ao that we can have 25 brass , next-window' signs, 10 more tban any ether bank In the slater Know No thin Mere Pewarfal The Lawyer Of course, my dear madam, the great thing In a case of this sort Is to Introduce something In- J to the evidence that will appeal to the Jury. Client Oh, 1 shall change my dress every day. WHY HE WAS NOT KILLED She And yon Jumped from the hal loon? Heavens, why were you not killed? He The balloon hadnt left the giound. Dueling Old dueling his passed away, . No man attack a brother. Contenders are content, today, To echo, "You're anotherl" Already Supplied Angelina No, Edwin, I never thought of yoo In that way. But I'll be a sister sis-ter to you. Edwin No, thanks I I have a sister who swipes my cigarettes, socks, ties, and frat pins, and I can't afford an-' an-' other. Upstanding Excus Mother (at dinner table) Johnny, are you snre you washed your face? It doesn't look like that when I wash It Johnny Well, mother, If I rubbed It as hard as you do I'd push myself over. WOULDN'T COUNT "I'd attend your church If there wasn't such a bunch of crooks In tbe congregation." "You shouldn't let that stop yon-one yon-one more wouldn't be noticed, I'm sure" Just So A woman cannot drlv a nail, 8he has better plan. Sh! has no need to drlv a nail When ah can drlv a man. The High Cost The Tegg Awful, ain't It, the way apartment rents bave gone upT The Dip It's s shame. Petty tar ceny won't get yon nowhere. You gotta lift at least a coupla centuries before they'll give you s cell In the JmIL Knows His Bnsinass "Is he a good rabbit dog?" Inquired the hunter. Til say be Is I the dealer replied with prhle. "Ton should bave seen the way he went after my wife's new sealskin coat 1" Family Avocations Is Miss Kreda at borne?" "No, she Is out on her horse." "Is Mrs. Smith In?" "' "No, she Is flying the Atlantic." "Is Mr. Smith In?" "No, be Is at the cookery class." Views Is Views "Too can get some mighty Interest Ing views from the tops v. our nionn tains," said the visitor from Colorado. "Well." replied the City Host, "you can also get some mighty Interesting ones at our windy corners, too." Justification The Artist This statue Is "The Pisk Thrower." Wonderfully lifelike pose I The Other Fellow yep 1 I reckon that disk is one o' thera Jazs records. Don't blame him a bit for chucking it Yon Know How It Is "How did that hole get In the floor of your car?" we asked the careless driver. "That," be langhed, "was worn throngh by tho&e who riiie with me trying to put on the brakes." Tip for Wives' - ' - "I always encourage my bushnnd to recline In au easy chair and put his feet on top of the radiator." "Why so?" "When he goes to bed there ir ustitil ly s dollar left in the chair." |
