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Show Kathleen Norris Says: The 'Invisible' Woman Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. '"' " "Hartley is better in nerves and spirits than ever before in his life if my marrying him in the beginning was the result of youth and passion, I think I have atoned.' By KATHLEEN NORRIS WHEN you were a small reader of fairy-tales did you want to become be-come invisible? Did you think that was about the most fascinating fas-cinating thing that all the old witches' charms or the magic walnut shells could do for you? I did. Well, here is a letter from a woman who became invisible. She wrote me four years ago, a letter so snarled with troubles, trou-bles, fretting, doubts, despairs that there didn't seem any way out for her. I advised her to become invisible, and it worked the cure. This is a part of a very long letter I've had from her this week. "I told you, if you remember," writes Susan, "that my situation was hopelessly complicated. I had been confidential secretary to a man whose position whose work, rather, was of an extremely delicate nature. na-ture. He was, and is, one of the heads of a hospital for mental cases. He was at the time 40 years old, married, and father of two children a girl of 9 and a boy of 14. His wife agreed to a divorce, and wished to keep the boy. The girl had never been sympathetic to her, and she own family was so distressed at the :ircumstances of my having "broken up a home," as they considered it, that they dropped me completely. Disillusionment Comes. "However, with Hartley and myself my-self it was the so-called 'grande passion.' pas-sion.' I was then 22; this was 10 years ago. After a year or two, when our first ecstasies of possession posses-sion and novelty had worn away, we found ourselves a normal man and woman, both with faults, both a little disillusioned, but with new complications. Sony a, my stepdaughter, step-daughter, was a strange and difficult diffi-cult child, and we had a daughter of our own, Karin, a splendid child, but with a serious defect in eyesight, requiring very special care. We later had a boy, who died in his third month. "My struggles with Sonya, anxiety for Karin's state, and grief over my wonderful boy, resulted in a nervous breakdown for me, and Hartley and I reached the point of discussing a separation. My special grievance against him was his devotion to his son by his first wife, and his constant con-stant visits to them. But everything was a grievance and more than once I contemplated suicide. "You advised invisibility, and I tried it. I dropped all thought of myself; you said for a period of three months. I made it six. I waited wait-ed on Sonya quietly and considerately, considerate-ly, like a perfect servant. You said, become God's good servant,' and I tried to. I never had anything but soothing welcomes for my tired man. I took my baby through the long convalescences that gave her, after two operations, perfect eyesight eye-sight i bore a daughter I call 'Joy, for joy she is to us alL I never complained, com-plained, never asked Hartley where he was going. Thoroughly Happy Now. "Well, how to summarize all this?" the letter concludes. "Sonya has become a different child, and sometimes when her mother is trying try-ing or her father irritable, she tries the invisibility game, too. Hartley is better in nerves and spirits than ever before in his life, and if my marrying him in the beginning was the result of youth and passion, fit I "Sonya toot itrange and difficult." , J FORGETTING ONE'S SELF j i Sometimes a difficult domestic domes-tic situation may be solved if one member will fade into the background for a while. This is easier for a woman than for a man. Often if she will just go quietly about her work at home, trying to do the best she can for everyone, and saying little, things will somehow right themselves. The little occasions for quarrels will disappear, dis-appear, and small annoyances become less obnoxious. A program like this calls for will power and self-sacrifice. It is not easy at first, and it may not seem worth while. Yet, as Miss Norris points out in today's to-day's article, ' this hard road will often bring contentment. It is worth trying, at least. Susan married her boss when she was only 22. He was 40, and unhappily married. His wife gave him a divorce when she saiv how the situation was; that he was in love with his secretary. I For a year Susan and Hart ley were quite happy. Then irritations began to creep in; difficulties developed into wide breeches. At one time they thought seriously of divorce. Susan was so unhappy she contemplated con-templated suicide, after her son died. Then she wrote to Miss Norris, Nor-ris, who advised her to become "invisible," for a while. Susan, after a hard struggle with herself, her-self, followed this counsel. Surprisingly Sur-prisingly enough, her troubles disappeared. - I think I have atoned. We have our own home on the institution grounds now and my mother is with me. This letter comes from that rare creature, a thoroughly happy (if invisible) in-visible) woman." Like all professional and home women, I have many problems in my own life, many small humiliations, humilia-tions, many disappointments, and sometimes deep grief. But a letter like this one is like sunshine breaking break-ing through a heavy gray sky, and irradiating everything it touches. To know that a much younger woman has learned where all safety and all security lie, and how to reach them, is a heartening thing in this world where courage and character and sober common sense are so pitiably needed. Possibly you can solve your home problem by entire forgetfulness of self, by complete subjugation to the needs of others. Silence rarely does any harm; all the women of all the ages, who ever reached anything like true serenity of mind, have reached it through long hours of that silence in which God speaks to the soul. Make your home a place which husband and children hate to leave in the morning, to which they return re-turn eagerly at night. A place of peace and silence. These beautiful words are as true as they were when they were first spoken two thousand 1 years ago: "Who so loseth his life shall gain it." |