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Show Etc&Ings By Treble Kepard In the spring a young man's f an-cy an-cy lig.Uly turns to thoughts of iove and such-as-thats, but a woman, wo-man, regardless cf her age, seriously ser-iously turns her thoughts to Hats. And lest iivle men lorget that the tacQiul thing to do is to compliment compli-ment tiiose crowning 'bonnets, now is a good time to brush up on a few adjectives. The last time my wife toted one of those latest creations home I Eiave it a passing glance and grunt-id. grunt-id. .Never again I My lack .01 appreciation hurt 'her -eeiings so much that for one- half aour sne s-boea: and sobbed and iuOod. In the meantime I dusted on u.e dxtionary and read her tne following speecn. "Listen, darling," j. said, "I not only t.iink your hat is attractive, but it's beautful, favorable, fav-orable, graceful, modern, rare, winsome, win-some, cnar.ming enhancing, cheerful, cheer-ful, excellent adorable nice choice, cptivat.ng afibonair, stylish, ap-p.-piiate, becoming, delightful, de--cCCiuie, fine, clever, modest, colcr-iui colcr-iui exiiiijiating, swell, elegant, dearie, de-arie, piuasint, pretty coy desirable, ..u.p-rmg, keen, beAitching, chic, oiiiis--, darling, comely, dainty, ex-j ex-j -jtuaite lc.eiy, enchanting and per-cct. per-cct. . And it fits." 1 paustrJ. Wi.ereupon she gave me a disappointed) look and began her juuomg all over again. 'Now, what is the matter?" I asked. "You missed 'cute'," she wailed. Da,wdle Hammerheels built a ;o.i.ipletely fireproof house in a j i.toky city, bought all modernistic lUrmture cf which nothing could jum 'but the ui-holstery, and then aisured the furnishings. One night ..bout a year later the window Jiapes caught ablaze and a neighbor neigh-bor telephoned the fire department, -is it raced down the street to his .icuse, Dawdle was seen running in toe other direction with a bucket of soap powders in each hand. "Where are you going?" a friend yelled, 'As long as the firemen are going go-ing to play the hose all over my walls," ne answered, "I'm going up to the water house to pour this soap in" the pii.es so they can clean the wialls at the same time." Wife (suing for divorce) : " and furthermore, Judge, he said when I talked while I was excited I sounded sound-ed like a door bell." Husband: "I object, your honor. I did not say that. I said when she screamed she was adorable." Customer (at lumber yard) : "I want a 2x4." Tr.e salesman handed' him one. Customer: (measuring it) "This is only IVi inch by 3'A inch." Salesman: "I know, tout that is what v,e call a 2x4." Customer: "All right, how much?" Salesman: "Fifty cents." The customer handed - him a quarter and two dimes. Salesman: "But this is only forty-five cents." Customer: "I know, but that is ahat I call four bits." A silhouette is a shadow that stays wnere it was after the person who made it has gone away." Salesman (assertively) : "Young lady, ior three days you have told i me the purchasing agent is in conference. con-ference. However, today I am going go-ing to speak to him." . Secretary: "Go ahead, mister, but you'll have to shout. He left for California this morning." . A movie star, famous for his roles on t .e screen as a great lover, attended at-tended a party and was asked by a young feminine fan "To what do you attribute the - secret: of your success with women?" Being annoyed continually by his reputation as a ladies man, he answered: an-swered: "The secret of my success A,itn women is truly a secret, but Lt-r you I will explain. Now I walk icioss this carpet and rub my feet on it. Then I touch you. There, now, did you feel a spark?" "Ooh! yes! Tnat is electricity." "Exactly. That is my secret. I always manage to drag my feet acioss a rug before I kiss an actress." act-ress." "Yes, but wihat would you do if you were out on location and did not have a carpet " "In ti.at case," he confided, "I would briskly comtb my hair with my pocket comb and drop it down ner neck." I got even with that trombone player. I put glue in his trombone oil, and he just knocked his teeth out. Heifer-face was a young cow-puncher cow-puncher who reckoned he was utoout as tough as a steer's horns, especially if he had been been sipping sipp-ing little snorts for nours. One night, loaded to the gills, he- broke, corral and headed for town. The torei.ii.an of the ranch heard about it, and, fearing that the young upstart up-start might get into trouble, took I it upon himself to beat it to the same place and ride herd on the drunken galoot. He searched for :.curs before he found him in the jack room of a dive all tangled up ai a gambling brawl with one tough .lombre as his ch,ief opponent. Heifer-face snarled at tne fore-uian fore-uian to keep the nose out of the ught, but t.ie foreman pitched in anyway and together they shot tneir way clear to tne street. Heifer-face was nasty, but the foreman persuaded per-suaded him that the safest thing to do was to head back for camp. Stubbornly the young puncher fol-.d.ed, fol-.d.ed, spinning oatiiS that he would jc-me back to get even with the no.m-bre. . The trail to ti".e ranch led up a .reaeherous canyen, and when the moon disappeared they decided to ed down lor the nignt, using their .lorse blankets for mattresses and saddles for pillows. About tsenty minutes after tney had hit the hay, Heifer-face rared up. "I'm going back and shcot that guy," he snarled." snarl-ed." "Get back to sleep or I'll come over there and take you apart" the foreman yelled. Fifteen minutes of feigned slumber slum-ber ensued, and again Heifer-face rared up, "Aw. let me go back and poke hiin in the nose." "You'a never make it," the foreman fore-man tiireatenei. "Go back to sleep." Five minutes elapsed and for tne third time Heifer-face rared up, Well, then, pardner, how's about you and me having a pillow fight " |