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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Not the Usual Mother-in-Law I (Bell Syndicate WNU Service.) 1 78,- A mother-in-law is too apt to be useless in the younger household, foofemg zhsZfit ;r..- i'Jt S. I'll be here with the children. Mother-in-Law Sam's mother is capable and quick. She helps me with the housework, house-work, and we're congenial. But there are times when I want to be alone. What shall I do? I can't hurt her feelings! Read Kathleen Norris' Nor-ris' frank, simple advice to Jane. By KATHLEEN NORRIS A CHIC AGO woman wrote me her problem about three years ago, and sends me another letter today. to-day. I'm quoting both letters because they illustrate a difficulty diffi-culty that arises in many a woman's life, and because Jane, the woman who writes, solved the question by the old cure of kindness, patience and faith. And of course she was helped by a nice old captain cap-tain of the merchant marine! Jane's trouble was mother-in-law, but not the usual thing. Jane was a widow with two little girls when she married mar-ried Sam, and a deeply and truly successful marriage it be And I advised her frankly and simply to make the best of those occasional oc-casional moments when she was bored by too much conversation, and not eliminate this inconvenience and so much that was happy and wholesome whole-some with it! . Ideal Situation. Children love a house with a Gram in it, a man is deeply content to come home and find the two beings he loves best in the world in harmony har-mony with one another; housework is nothing when two women handle it together and keep every detail of it perfect. Jane had all that, and didn't have to pay too much for it and my advice to her was to hold on to this relationship as long as the nlder woman would stay. has been. Tney now nav girl and a boy, are prosperous prosper-ous and devoted. But a few months after their marriage, mar-riage, before her third daughter s birth, Sam suggested that his mother moth-er come to visit them for a month. Jane was of course agreeable. Gram Is Wonderful. "I'd been running a restaurant for two years," she wrote, "and I knew all kinds and types. I made up my mind that Sam's mother should love me and I succeeded. -That's the trouble. Gram came, likes her room, likes her meals, likes my children, has turned out to be a wonderful person. We had the spare room made comfortable and pretty for her, and as she has no household house-hold expenses she can use her small income for little luxuries. I am keeping no help at this time, because there is a baby coming, but I have a woman come in every evening to clear up the dinner muss; Gram helps me with everything else. She is capable and quick and the work goes like magic. ; T'm nnarroreciative Evidently that's just what she did, for now, three years and four months later she writes me that a widowed old sea captain has turned up with a story of devotion to Gram that began be-gan when they were children, and Gram is married and off for South America. "And oh, what a lonesome house this is without her!" writes Jane. "She had been going to school, afternoons, aft-ernoons, to pick up the girls, the baby adores her, and my third daughter always slept in Gram's room and turned to her before she did to me. Gram asked, almost with tears, to take one of them, on the trip, but we couldn't impose it on her now, though we've promised to some day. ,, "So it all turned out beautifully,' Jane ends her letter, "and I'm thankful to God that I never hurt the best husband any woman ever had. or his mother either." BOeS 11KB mas"- ; "Don't think I'm unappreciative of the fact that we are really congenial. con-genial. But she talks all the timet Even if I'm taking a bath she is apt to wander in. full erf enJles reminiscences and stories. Naturally Natural-ly she has no friends here yet, and so I am her chief companion. Wants to Be Alone at Times. "Sam, of course, is perfectly delighted de-lighted that we like each other, he sees no reason for this arrangement ever being ended, and I find myseH the only person in the house on whom it works a hardship. I have always been a great home-body, I like to be at home, but sometimes I set terribly tired of having to consider con-sider someone else all the time; just to say 'well, what are we doing? Would you like to see that picture? Or shall we take our sewing into the yard?' tires me. When the baby comes Sam's mother will be the greatest help, I know that, but if she only lived next door, or had an apartment apart-ment near us, I would feel that my house belonged to me again! What shall I do? I can't hurt her feelings feel-ings but if you could write an article arti-cle somewhat suggesting this situation, situa-tion, I would see that she and Sam Mothers-ln-Law Differ. That's the whole story, and of course it's an unusual one. Most mothers-in-law are not either willing will-ing nor experienced servants in a son's house, and most daughters-in-law have not had the training in handling human beings that Jane had. A mother-in-law is too apt to be useless in the younger household, looking on apathetically at the difficulties dif-ficulties of Sam's wife, never thinking think-ing to say "I'll get dinner that night," or "let me go, Jane, I'll do your errand," or "go off with Sam, I'll be here with the children." I know one mother-in-law who landed herself. upon her son's wife seven long years ago. She had let her son invest some money for her during a hard time and he has never been able to repay it; it crippled her own income, and she never lets the family forget that she was independent inde-pendent before John bought that ' stock that was a complete loss. She still has about $1,500 a year, but she spends it all on herself, expecting expect-ing Mary to prepare nice httle bridge luncheons twice a month; not coming down to the kitchen until the dinner is ready to serve on the maid's afternoon off, criticizing everything ev-erything Don and Mary do. If anything any-thing goes wrong she says: "I told you so." She tells guests just how Mary and Don fail as parents, and will never allow either to criticize or discipline the httle boy. i The suggestion that I made to Mary was that she and Don rent , their house, do their own work, pay i back that fatal $9,000 and so rid ! themselves of this burden. read it." Well I didn't write the article, but I did write Jane. I wrote her that every one of us has to live with SOMEONE, or be pitifully solitary on the journey through life, and that to have a loving, strong, interested inter-ested assistant just now was of priceless value to her. I reminded her that when the baby came, no other woman in the world would be as much interested in welcoming the baby and seeing that the house ran smoothly as her mother-in-law would |