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Show 1 The ZZoejzivx 9 Gallery r.i ?. They simply stroll into one of the new chain sawdust shops, drop a dime in the slot. By FRANK CONDON PEOPLE who are forced to wrestle with the weekly or monthly grocer's bill and that means everybody will be amazed and delighted to know about the news that has come from Harvard University, Univer-sity, which is located in Cambridge, Cam-bridge, Mass. That news is what I call real news. It concerns con-cerns the latest scientific advance, ad-vance, as explained by the celebrated German professor to the other admiring professors. profes-sors. The applause was deafening deaf-ening when the German ceased speaking. Briefly, it is this. They have finally, final-ly, after many years of laboratory struggle, succeeded in making sawdust saw-dust edible. In a very short time, we shall be able to feed our families, fami-lies, using nothing but the lowly and despised offspring of the whirling whirl-ing saw and the unresisting tree, and naturally that is a matter of jubilation for the entire human race, as many persons have been going hungry in recent years and have been fed by their governments. We don't have to understand how they do it, as long as they can do it, so the best way is to accept the word of the renowned German professor pro-fessor and be happy, for sawdust is just about our cheapest commodity com-modity and always will be. There are too many trees for sawdust ever to get expensive. May Balance Budget. Over in Germany, they are already al-ready feeding sawdust in edible forms to the farm animals and with elegant results. Horses so fed pull far heavier loads, cows give more milk, pigs squeal with greater gusto, gus-to, goats butt harder and the ducks honk in two tones. The effects of this new deal in human diet will spread over the world and all classes will share. It means genuine economy and a settlement set-tlement of economic problems, for if we don't have to pay so much for our meals, then perhaps we can balance our national budget and perhaps Europe can pay off her war debts. Consider the father of a family of 12, now struggling hopelessly, on small pay to keep his little flock full of beans, potatoes, milk and bread. On the way home from his factory job, he will be able to stop In at the carpenter's shop and pick up a bag of sawdust from Joe, and then go cheerily on home with enough sustenance to feed the family1 fam-ily1 for five days. If the carpenter happens to be out of sawdust at the moment, the old man simply borrows a saw and a two-by-four and saws himself a small heap of good, solid meals. Try Eating Nails. Or take the case of the young city clerk, who would like to escort his sweetheart to dinner and the theater. the-ater. He cannot do it, not under our present food regime, as the double dou-ble bill is too much for his delicate deli-cate purse. He can pay for the theater tickets, but the restaurant charge overwhelms him, especially if his girl is healthy and likes steaks, salads, desserts and the trimmings. In a nice restaurant, tliis is about seven dollars, not counting the tip. But under the coming sawdust system and mind you, science will be able to produce any form, any kind of food from soup to nuts they simply stroll into one of the new chain sawdust shops, drop a dime in the slot, a mere cover charge, and fill up on the rarest sort of viands, delicacies, fruits and I assorted vittles topping the meal off with a steaming beaker of sawdust coffee and sawdust ice cream. The new discovery is indubitably one of the most important in the last hundred years, and may change the course of empires. As it stands today, we cannot grow coffee, but Brazil can; and Brazil cannot grow wheat, but we can. So we are forced as nations to swap products, using hundreds of ocean freighters and thus wasting coal and man-hours. man-hours. Dishes of Every Country. France ships us Napoleon brandy and in return, we send France California Cali-fornia peaches. Turkey ships us tobacco to-bacco and we ship Turkey Oregon apples; Russia sends over caviar and we send back potato chips and the whole process is expensive, but when the new sawdust era dawns, all this foolishness will come to an end, for then we can walk over to the nearest lumber dealer, buy a barrel of fresh sawdust and sit down presently to a table groaning with the rarest and most delectable dishes. It certainly is a cheery prospect and proves what many people have often said that civilization would never have advanced thus far without with-out the helping hand of science, without the aid of those noble and self-effacing men who toil silently in laboratories for the betterment of mankind. Of course, man being the imperfect imper-fect creature he is, the future may not be all skittles and beer. It may be that grasping and greedy capitalists cap-italists will step in and corner the sawdust, buy up all the forests and woodland down to the last quivering aspen tree, and then go ahead boosting boost-ing prices and making us pay through the nose. Graft in Sawdust Industry. Selfish politicians may side with the speculators and the day may come when a citizen will not. even be allowed to walk into a shady woods. Then we shall have sawdust saw-dust boot - leggers and sawdust speakeasies, with possibly a grim repetition of the whole unhappy prohibition pro-hibition scandal. You may not be able to buy a saw without a police permit, or carry one on your person, per-son, even a little jig saw. You can even imagine a courtroom scene on the day after Christmas, with a respectable re-spectable but downtrodden citizen facing the judge and trembling. "What were you doing with the Christmas tree?" "Your honor, I was just taking it home, so's to hang up a few toys for the children, a few glass balls and some imitation snow." "They found a saw in your house, didn't they?" "Yes, your honor, but " "Just another sawdust thief. Sixty Six-ty days. Next case." Some second rate saloons like to have sawdust on the floor, but this market is comparatively small and is growing smaller, since ladies took to sitting in bars. It seems ladies do not like sawdust on the floor. The other use is to pour sawdust into ice-houses to keep the ice from melting and that also was a trifling market. All is changed. Families that own forests in this country will do well to hang on for a rising market, mar-ket, for one single pine tree may contain the makings of 5,000 hot dogs, 6 barbecues and a dozen New England clam bakes. Heavy eaters and plain gluttons who overstuff at the table had better bet-ter watch their steps and go easy, as it is rather embarrassing for a glutton to be walking down the street full of sawdust and chasing of! the wood-peckers. Bel! Syndicate. V.'N'U Service |
