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Show Communication Is Problem in People Getting Divorced in U.S. by Dr. Ford McBride This year in the United States, more than a million couples will seek a divorce. I wonder how many of these marriages could have been saved if communications skills had been worked on and improved. I have never seen a troubled marriage in which communication was not a problem. Some couples retreat into silence; others argue. There are many reasons why a marriage end in divorce, but indications in-dications are that poor communication is frequently an underlying un-derlying factor. In counseling a young couple the wife said that her husband cared nothing for her and made her feel unwanted un-wanted and inferior. The husband spoke up immediately and said, I didn't know you felt that way, why haven't you told me this before? Effective communication com-munication between this couple was almost non-existent. A question couples often ask is whether it is too late to improve communication or to make changes. Marriage counselor, Robert Buchanan says that if a couple still feels some love for each other, constructive changes can be made. It is the couples attitude toward change that is a key factor. Improving communication means making changes. There are numerous activities couples can use to improve and maintain effective communication. Counselor Lucy Ulman of Newton, Mass. suggests that the couple talk about anything at all for 30 uninterupted minutes every day. Before a partner par-tner responds, however, he or she must summarize sum-marize what the other said. This exercise encourages en-courages careful listening. Another idea is to ask your spouse for his or her opinion about something and then listen to that opinion without preparing a counter viewpoint. A communication technique called "dialoguing" is also useful. Each partner writes about feelings concerning an important impor-tant topic, such as love, life or children. These written communications com-munications are then exchanged and discussed to help build mutual understanding. There are hundred of other techniques that can be used to improve communication but any technique is only as good as the couple's willingness to spend time and effort in making it work. Dr. McBride can be seen every Wednesday on Channel ll's Newsroom at 6 and 11 p.m. |