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Show . a i 1 I!, , iiiiKn - -v, ST f byltickDrough V a a iTTT a a W y aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aw aaaaaaaaaaaaaa i i,wf ( .. -i. a aaaaaaaaaaaaaa JpW .. U mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa w M aaaawaiaaaMaiiaiaaiaiiaiaiBMajajia IXii ' -u Bww--Tfr V,,,,,.,,,,,,,l,,,,,.,., -wr f -ft? iif t m i rr mn hit. " t t if 1 1 7, .yTf If it works for Cabbage Patch, why wouldn't it work for us? i So far, he's had only one very active week. Besides the two local commercials, commer-cials, he's in a TV ad for Ford to be shown in Texas"; and a print ad to be used in a Las Vegas computer show. He has no illusions of getting rich as the next Marlboro Man. "Once you have been used a lot, they start to use you less," he said. "There's no money in it. I got $70 for 10 hours work in the Clover Club commercial." Senator Jake Garn's office announced an-nounced he has been cited by the National Conference of Christians and Jews. The "Brotherhood" award was given to Gam by the group's Bankers and Brokers Division. Are you sure that isn't a contradiction? (All due respect to Dick Wilde and Rusty Davidson.) Parkite Annie Bowman recently came back from a trip to Greece, vowing to return there as soon as she could. She reported that natives were enthralled by her tour group, thanks to Annie's belly-dancing, and the gift of gab exhibited by her friend Susan Wade. Annie found sun, sea, and absolutely absolute-ly no reminders of life back in Utah? WRONG! The vacationers ran into the hosts and crew from "PM Magazine" who have apparently used up every exotic location in Utah ! It's the fastest-growing fad in years! All of a sudden, shoppers are going crazy over the "Cabbage Patch" dolls. Reports across the country say customers are scrambling and even inflicting bodily injury on each other to get their mitts on the chubby-cheeked moppets. One store clerk was so frightened by the mobs, he grabbed a baseball bat. Another store manager said "..there were people in midair ..." What makes the doll so popular? We at the Park Record got together to find some answers, and see if we could use the same principles to sell our paper. 1) Since no two Cabbage Patch dolls are identical, why not do the same thing with the Record? This neat idea was quashed by spoilsport publisher Jan Wilking, who gave some kind of lame excuse that putting out 4500 different papers every week would be a grind for a 27-person staff. 2) We could instigate riots among customers who are anxious to get their hands on the paper. Perhaps we could say nude Skiercise photos are hidden somewhere in this week's issue; or promise unlimited Happy Hour at Janeaux's to the person who bought the most papers. Anything would do to stir up the latent violence of your average ski town resident. 3) We could also emulate the cheap Asian production methods for the dolls. Bedraggled workers labor for long hours, getting low pay and junk food, suffering through sweltering heat and freezing no, wait. We're doing that now! dept.: Two interesting reports of bilingual screw-ups: In West Germany, Ger-many, members of the country's parliament heard a report that the U.S. military is teaching the German language with a comic book showing nuclear war. Okay, so it's not "The Day After," but you can understand why they feel nervous. The real howler came from "Nation" magazine, which published purported excerpts from a Department of Justice book called "A Practical Spanish Grammar for Border Patrol Officers.? Here are typical sentences that the lawmen are given to practice in Spanish: ' "Our papers are wet." ''' "Juan runs faster than I imagined. !! "Why do you always lie?" -q "When you saw the officers coming why didn't you hide behind a large tree?" What English phrases should be given to foreign visitors in Park City? I can merely suggest a few like this : it "The effects of the pill should wear off soon." '': "The sauce I had was very hot. Where is the stream?" "I did not fall down, officer.-, I merely slipped on the ice." "It certainly does not feel like 85 miles per hour!" "What a nice big doggy! Will you take him off my body now?" (Or if tge dog only understands German: "DiSs ist nicht daschund. Unhanden ist musslen from mein facen.") "Animal House" behavior can break out in the most unexpected places. In West Covina, California, reported the Associated Press, a baptismal party turned into a wild brawl after many of the 100 guests started heavy drinking and neighbors complained about loild mariachi music. The party really took off when 15 officers in riot gear snowed up. Eight people were hospitalized and 16 were arrested. In Canada, new heights of judicial rudeness were set at a bankruptcy hearing in Toronto. One lawyer repeatedly referred, to the opposing j Aawyer as "DumhQ'jlhgn poured coffee on his counterpart's notes four times. When the offender, Vernon Balaban, was asked why he was spilling coffee, he told his opponent it was "tough luck for you." The examiner finally ceased the hearing, as Balaban snapped, "Go back to your little hole and stay where you belong." , One hopes Park City government never freaks put like that. Can you imagine... Prankish sewer district workers stream soggy toilet paper around homes in winter, leaving frozen, grotesque litter that won't thaw out till spring... Snowplow operators trail pedestrians in rubber galoshep, trying to give them "flats"... Police arrange flasher barricades to guide people at night into the Whiskey Springs hole... .Health Director Franjr. Singleton challenges Alpha Beta shoppers to a Find-the-Bad-Custartl Taste Test. , When the , Record asks City Hajl about the epidemic of loutishness, Attorney Tom.Clyde says, "What's it fa ya, cabbage head? Hey, I'd love to talk to you all day, but my phone receiver $s yawning. Be a nice guy and don't hank up mad. Just hang up." ij Many women start talking in deeper voices to try succeeding like men. That's the conclusion of two female researchers at Arizona State University, Univer-sity, as reported by UPI. (This tactic for women will work anywhere except KPCW, where Feulner and Dan Wilcox set the standard for deep male voices. ) The researchers say men have it easy. The ideal male voice is nearly identical to what people think is the ideal voice for both men and women. The deep voice is already gaining popularity with female broadcasters. Male and female voices in general will become more like each other in the future, say the researchers. . Vocally, women have a hard time e winning, no matter what they do. If they're nervous, their voice boxes tighten and their voices go into a high pitch. Men, meanwhile, can speak higher and still sound okay. Also, the researchers say, a woman who is obviously speaking in a deep voice will be perceived as "unfemi-nine." "unfemi-nine." If she talks loud, she's written off as aggressive. Her only alternative, it would seem, is to take voice lessons from Margaret Thatcher and Indira Gandhi. In Park City, we argue about frills like cemetery gates and Marsac. In Passaic County, New Jersey, the controversy is about the police's new German shepherd. The canine, named' Falco, only has one problem he can take orders solely in his native tongue, German. Critics say the dog, which cost the city $2,800, is a bit limited in his value. But the police chief says Falco is already doing a fine jpb chasing undesirables out of the park (along with everyone else, maybe? ) Losing something in translation 4) You can get legal-looking forms that say you have adopted a Cabbage Patch doll. But that's nothing. Buy a subscription to the newspaper now, and you can adopt a Park Record staffer. Wouldn't you like one of these unique, talented people to be part of your life? With each issue, you'll get a personal note from your adopted staffer. Your heart will melt as they confide their struggles against deadlines, dead-lines, advertisers, and live-in lovers. You'll chuckle over their crazy antics in the Alamo or the neighborhood hot , tub. And you'll learn responsibility when your staffer shows up one night to sleep in the spare room, or asks to borrow money for car repairs. A Park Record staffer! He's not just a dependent. He's an adventure! Add another Parkite to the list of faces appearing in Utah commercials. Local businessman Dale Nelson will soon be featured in a pair of commercials. He has a little dialogue in an ad for First Security, and will appear in the background for a Clover Club commercial. Nelson said he tried out for commercials because people kept telling him. "You oughta be in the ads." He then contacted the McCarty Agency in Salt Lake. "I said 'I want to sign up,' and they said, 'We'll be the judge of that."' "It's almost totally by chance that you get picked for this," he said. If you're lucky, he said, you get by the door and someone decides you look good enough. "It depends on three things. One, the agency likes you. Two, they call you for auditions. And three, the business doing the audition likes you." |