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Show geography, and were learning the points of the compass "Now, Tommy Jones." said the teacher, "you have in front of you the north, on your right the east, on your left the west. What have you behind you?" After a moment's reflection, Tommy Tom-my explained: "A patch on my trousers." And to make the information more binding. Tommy continued In a shame-faced manner; 'i knew you'd sec it; I told mother you would. ' True Helpmates. "Did yu see any woman In Germany pulling plows?" I asked Mrs Gadd-sters, Gadd-sters, who had been doing Europe. "Yes," she admitted, but I wasn't half so sorry for the creatures as I ; thought I should be; they weren't doing do-ing all the work by any means; In every instance their husbands were helping them in pushing the plows." Chicago News. The Retort Corteous. "Your hat's a peach basket upside I dovn!" I In scathing tones he cried. "Of course," rho said, without a frown, "For the peach must be Inside" Judge. Racing Results. "You don't seem to print the results of the races." "Yes, we do." said the editor of the riunkvllle Palladium. "We have all the kmkruptcy news." Louisville Courier-Journal. JUST FOR FUN Ignorance Put to Shame. Tommy Pa, what is an equinox? Pa Why er it is ahem ! For goodness sake. Tommy, don't you know anything alout mythology at all? An equinox was a fabled animal, half horse, half cow. It name 16 derived from the word ''eiyuinc" and "ox." It does seem as if these public schools don't teach children anything nowaday. now-aday. Ideas. Unpardonable. "I'm afraid well hve to cut that man's acquaintance." said the woman of strictly correct Ideas. "Yes," replied Miss Cayenne, "lie uses tho same sort of language that we pay two or three dollars a seat to hear at the theater." Washington Star. A Permanent Cure. The various rulings of the commissions commis-sions and departments at Washington Washing-ton are oftentimes thought to be arbitrary arbi-trary and unnecessary. No less a personage than David Starr Jordan joked about the laws of the International Interna-tional fisheries commission. 'The fish there have no chance," he lamented; "they havo as hard a time of it as the whites In the Interior of China. A druggist said to his clerk one day: ""Didn't I see a foreign devil come out of here as I carao down the street?' " 'Yes, sir,' the clerk meekly responded, re-sponded, 'lie wanted a permanent cure for headache.' "'And you sold him "'Rat poison, sir.'" Joe Mitchell! Chappie in National Magazine. Principal Parts. Tommy was called upon In the Latin class to give the principle parts of the verb "delay." With a blank look upon his face he nudged his companion com-panion and said, "Say, what is it?" His schoolmato replied, "Darn If I know." Tommy's es brightened, and with a relieved expression on his face he thundered out, "Darn-if I-know, darn-l.fd darn-l.fd nare, durn-r?Inavl, darn if It natum." Success Magazine. Laudable. Bix They'vo elected you an active member. lllcks Of what? Hlx Of the Society for the Merging Merg-ing of Moral Influence. Hicks Eh' What is It's object? Bix Its principal object Is to induce in-duce the Leaning Tower of Pisa to straighten up. Initiation fee ten cents Cleveland Plain Dealer. Wisdom. "What's all that trouble about the long and short haul?" demanded the secretary of the woman's club. "It's this way," explained the treasurer: trea-surer: "Some dressmakers say a train ought to be six feet in length; others sny three feet is enough." Kansas City Journal. Earthquakes and Tidal Waves. Wife (at breakfast) I want to do some shopping tt.day, dear, If the weather Is favorable. What does the paper say? Husband Ilaln, hail, thunder and lightning. Boston Transcript. . It Might Have Been Otherwise. An old Pennsylvania German living in the mountains had a hard three hours' dusty walk to accomplIh one morning and be rose very early to make his start.) He had gone but a little way when he was overtnken by an automobile, which was probably the tirst that had passed along that, way. The driver picked up the old man and they were at his destination In about twenty minutes. "Danks so much awlully mlt de ride. If I hod known myself to be here already two hours in front of do clock yet I vnd be at home fast asleep already to start unless I knew you vud not have picked me up since." Housekeeper. $ In the South. The class were having a lesson In |