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Show JUST FOR FUN Still Undecided. "By the way," queried tbe near-sport, near-sport, "who Is the lightweight champion cham-pion of America?" "It i still a matter of doubt," answered an-swered the wise puy "Some claim tho title for the coal dealer, while others Bay the iceman Is entitled lo It," Chicago New. When We Tackle It In Earnest. "I have r'ad," said the vislMng foreigner, for-eigner, "that when you celebrate your Fourth of July In this country the destruction de-struction of life and projierty is appalling. ap-palling. Don't the people take any in terest in bringing about a reform in the manner if observing the day?" . "O, yes," said the native; "we be-jt'n be-jt'n a crusade for a safe and sane Fourth the next day after the celebration, celebra-tion, and sometimes wo Veep it up for three or four weeks." Chicago Tribune, Trib-une, f Reformer Too Soon. An eminent speaker at the Congre-gntlonallst Congre-gntlonallst meeting In the First Congregational Con-gregational church. East Orange, was tolling the other day of a westerner's opinion of the East. "This man," suld the speaker, "waj a prominent churchman and had occasion occa-sion to visit New York, where he remained re-mained for a few days. In writing of his experienced to his wife in the West, h had this to any: "N'fw York is a great city, but I do wish I bad come hero before I was converted." Newark Star. His English. "Can you talk English?" asked the official. The applicant for naturalize-1 tlon papers looked bewildered. I "Ask him." the official said in an interpreter, "whether ho can talk Eng. llsh'" The question having been put, tb' foreigner smiled and nodded conQ- i dently. "Oh, you can talk English, can you?'' Again the applicant looked bewildered be-wildered "Tell him," the Interpreter was directed, di-rected, "to talk English." Having received the order, the foreigner for-eigner triumphantly shouted: "Hello, Teddy !" Chicago Rocord-Herald. Rocord-Herald. Not WCII Put. Thomas Nelson Page, In the smoke-room smoke-room of the Amerlka, criticised trenchantly trench-antly the work of a popular novelist. "This man," declared Mr. Pago, "has no Idea of precision. He doesn't say what he means, he circles about his meaning, about and about It, never once bitting it off. "He Is like a young soldier in the. Philippines whom a nurse told n about. She nursed the lad throush rice fever. On his recovery he thanked thank-ed her like this: " 'Thank you very much, ma'am, fer yer kindness. I shan't nevyer forglt it. If ever there was a fulln angel, you're one.' " Washington Star. An Ultimatum. "I.iet me see, Alice," snld the old man to his eldest daughter, "young Blinkers has been calling on you regularly reg-ularly for bix or eight months, hasn't he?" "Yes, father," replied the fair Alice. "Well," continued the anxious parent, par-ent, "if ho asks you to marry him when he comes tonight, tell him he wunts to see mo. Understand?" I "Yes. father," she rejoined. j "And If he doesn't ask you to marry him," added the old man. "Just tell ' him that I want to see him." Chicago Newa, Telling Secrets. "Charley, dear," said youm Mrs. Torklns, "I think I know why the catcher and pitcher walk up and whisper whis-per together. " "You do, eh?" "Yes; thev are evoressing their opinion of the umpire." Washington Star. |