OCR Text |
Show the ti:.ii; to laugh. 0..IE tiCOn JOKE.. ORIGINAL AND SULCI ED. Ihe Irl.lnn. il Hie HI, irle-The l'. f II..... The l p-lf llille lloilnn liny ll.nr.l 1,11 Ilia Unmix e.l H llll.-l.e... IT M IIKI.r M AS A II A II CASK. A little 1111. 11 lee. ntly walked Into a dry-uoiiils rlore and naid: "1 do not know bow !o use the t le-lihone. le-lihone. Will ou ple.iMi call up this iniiiilii-i ? Thank you." Hern Is the number. What Khali I say to the doelor?" "Tell him that bis paralyzed pill, 111 Is walking armiu.l th! ii.u.uih." "Vis." "That I think thr, In hope for his recovery. I cut off Ihe hair and put fourteen Ily blisters un him Inst night. I Tumid that his appetite Is Hue. but be won t touch raw meat. Due of hla ears fell off dining tho night and I think he la blind In 0110 eye. 1 find there Is no use In giving him niedli Ine. It makes him howl. Ills tongue looks as If It hail been put through a wringing machine. What doea he want mo to do?" "llo says to let tho patient- alone until bo gets downtown. Hy the way Mr. lllauk, I don't know your patient, but It must he a sad case." "Yes," said the little man aa If look-.lng look-.lng for sympathy, according to tha New York Mall and Express, "I think that ho was at one time tho finest col-He col-He that ever crncked bono." TIIIC DIKKKIIPM K. An Irish fanner went Into an Ironmongers Iron-mongers shop to buy a aryihe. After serving hltn the shopman asked hint If he would buy a bicycle. "What 1a that?" Inquired tha Irishman. Irish-man. "It's a machine to ride about the town on." , "And, shiire, what might the price of It be?" "Fifteen pounds." "I'd rather sea fifteen pounds In a "Ilut what a fool yon would look riding round the town on the baik of a cowl" "Shuro. now," replied tha Irishman; "not luil f auch a fisil as I'd look trying to milk a bicycle!" toKa or RUM. Tha ProbiuJonlat boil assailed the Demon Itunl mercilessly, and with every ev-ery fresh onslaught the man with the red nose had applauded. "Frleud," said the lecturer at laat, "you look like one who has been s drinking man." ! "You bet I have been, atrangcr." replied re-plied the man earnestly; "but It does my heart good to see you gtt out after mm. i rover did hava no mm for It 'Taln't a fit drlnlt for any man. You can't bammiir It too hard for me, an' when you're Ihrouith I've got a bit of old rye here that'll warm your heart up good. I like a man that knows what to hit an' what not to hit." TIIK l'IM.MAlt Ml. KKI'Mt. "I heard a funny conversation nol long ago on a Pullman." snld a traveling travel-ing num. "It was Indtlmu and two ladles near me wuio grtilug themselves ready to furn In. They wero talking about the Inronvrnlrucca of It, when I heard one remark: " 'Well, I tuuat sjy tbnt I do not like these sleeping cars at all.' "'Oh,' responded the oilier In a more cheerrul frame of mind, 'wait till you have lived awhile In a flat, as I have, and you won't Iblnk the sleeping cur Is so bad, after all.' " UKAUU ON THE ICE. '.L.-i Ijn-v : . ',.. V Bhe "Oh, tell mo frankly, what shall I do to keep from drowning?" Ho "Shut your mouth." Hli ' t'gh! You brute! I've a good mind to drown first." The I'm an Ituula. "Has his excellency donned bis bullet-proof shirt?" "Yes, you hlghneus" "And bis great cout of six-Inch armor?" ar-mor?" "Yes, your highness." "And no suspicious characters have been found within a thousand miles T" "No, your highness." "Then let the armured train proceed." pro-ceed." Rain Attend Mamma "No, dear, you can't go out this weather. Now, if you'll only promise uot to ask me to let you play outdoors I'll get you any toy you want." Tommy "AJ1 right Get me a bow and arrow." f mini t ni Tiia or nanra. "How old aro you, little glrlf asked a visitor of 3-year-old Mlnnln. "I'm not old nt nil," was the reply. "Tfn 'most new." i Teacher-"To whnt class of birds ! duel the l.'iwll belling?" v Small Pupil "Iliiils of prey." i ' ' ' Teacher' That's rlsht. And where dues the rjilall belong?" J, Hum II pupil "On toast." "I do hope I will grow to be nine f ' 1 I " 1, .1.1 little 'lonimy. "Why do yon wish to be so tall, deal?" asked hl.-i mother. ' "So when I g. t lii a crowd I can aes what Is going on," replLd Tommy. "Whit do yr.11 think of your new baby brother. Margie?" asked a visitor 1 of a little 4-vcai-iild nilsn. "Not much." was the reply, "llo- fore he came mnmiiin said I waa the ' i apple of her eyo; now I poso I'm nothln' but the core." 1 Johnny (aged 0) "Papa, ran I go to tho circus this afternoon?" Papa "No, my son. A good boy would not want to go to a cirrus," ' v Johnny - "Then, papa, don't you J. think I ought to go while I'm bad 1 r enough to enjoy It?" I IN IIOSTON. I I Miranda Milkweed "Ijiw. child, i ' bow'd your head get to be so big?" 1 i Emerson Ixingfellow lieaconstreet t "It la caused, mnilam, by a auperabund- ance of cerehrnl cortex In the lower frontal lobe, an ultra vesicular growtb I of the 111 1.1 -lii aln and extraordinary de I ' velopmental phenomena In the medulla ) oblongata. This condition has, for III prlmnry causation, excessive Intellectual Intellec-tual atrenuoslty," |