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Show OUK BUDGET OF FUN SOME GOOD JOKES ORIGINAL AND SULECTED, A ' I'mnaull on In I Idem InMn- lalrnry fwtcro y I'nnUliKt.or lloir Ilia l-ru'ruor Ytaa Cornrrnl ly Uia Uuui-uicr Uuui-uicr tllrta. Itnth -d(Ht. Tho watchman found htm hunting under the bronxrd heater. "What aro you looking for!" ' I Just lost two llcentMM, mister." "What kind were theif' "A dog and a marriage." "Well, here 1 the dog license. 1 found It nut there " "Taln'l no good without tho marriage mar-riage license. You see, Mandy promised prom-ised to marry mo If I'd gel a license for her dog " tnciiialatrnvy I'mtlahiMl. Prof. Ilactcrlo oung ladles, any one who drinks soda wattr willfully poisons herself ' This Is whst the young ladles saw on their way from school. And tho professor's Inconsistency rost him ninety cents. llrtwrrn Ilia Una. He "I havo bcin making a study of palmistry and as a result havo bccorai qtilto a fortuna teller Just let mi iavo your hand. Miss Clara, and I " She (Interrupting) "Why er realty, real-ty, but this Is so sudden. However, ynu havo my permission to consult i papn " IJudcinant. The Ilee "You ought to be a baseball base-ball player." J The Spider "Why sot Tho Ilee "Uecauso you're so good I at catching flies" Tho Spider "Ye. but tho fowls 'would soon put mo out of tho business." busi-ness." Information Ylantr-L I,ady "No, I can't give you anything any-thing to eat Just now, hut I've got sonio nlco plr In the over, and It you'll saw wood until they aro baked I'll give you one." Tramp "Say. lady, how near' dem pies done, d'yo t'lnk?" Had nn Cullrrlorm. Doctor "I netcr daro net cheerful when I'm out In society." Doctor's IVIend "Why not?" Doctor "If I do. you eo, all my patients pa-tients who owo me money hlnk somo other patient has Just paid me a big ' bill " An I'tplniialluii. "Tho shade of night were falling fast." So runs ono ot tho poet's lines, lie was doubtless passing a mansion grand, Just as tho servant pulled tbo blinds Iluplei rrUndllneaa. "Are tho McNabber neighborly?" "Neighborly? Clracloui! They borrowed bor-rowed our lawn mower over a week ago and they've tont for mo threo lime to como over and see why It wouldn't cut." Torrlnr Ilrr Into It. "What made him propose to her In French?" . "He accidentally overheard that the only Trench word she could pronounce was out " A Triah TTaaUd. "I'm glad to read tltut the president Is gnlng to take a rest." "Yes; only I wish a lot of thess presidential candidates would take a rest." A It frldoin llappana hther (sternly)' Johnny, la It pos-"t pos-"t you are studying jour lessons Mln" llhniiy "Y. father." fcilher- Wll, you Just drop your MfVs Instantor, get our ball and bat hustle out for n couple of hours' Jvtloe I'm selually ashamed of '; you don't sMtn to haro a little bit "unblllon " rrnrllntt l-irarhlat a certain minister during his dls- t one Sabbath morning said' "In blade of grass there Is a sermon " s following day ono of his flock sjovercd the good man pushing a "TflniOBer about tils yard and paused wtoy "Well, pursou, I'm glad to see $ engaged In cutting your sermons rt." Una of tha lliernt. fond Mother "Why are you so dig-K1 dig-K1 when Mr Cashly calls. Itose? afraid ho will never ask you to be-Nee be-Nee his wife It )ou continue to act Is tint manner." o' Oh, don't be alarmed, mam-W mam-W dear liven a primrose la not Tlfaout Its attractions" U until Im ltltl,l In u.. tbo Hoarded Ud) I don't see bow it could marry Mm Why, he drinks tsglbly nnd Is subject lo delirium treat. tre-at. Hie Circassian Olrl It would lake " Hun Hist to scare ber Isn't she Hi pei Ion red snako charmer? Had I for Ilia I halo. 1 thought I mad a big hit with Uolrox when she asked me for Jphotogrsph " Well, didn't your' No, sbo wrote nn It, 'Out when this cell,' and gat It to her maid " A I'mprr HuUllluta. Itrs Youngish "Oh, llob, what shall lb Usby Is crying because I won't hi him pull all the fur off my new UK" Hr. Youngish "Well, that's all r&t (live him Iho cat," Tlt-Ults Mini of Ilia Hark Uana. 'Polly, havo uu written your gradu-slits gradu-slits oay on 'Modcra Humanitarian-lita'?" Humanitarian-lita'?" 'No, but l'vo selected that for a nlject. pa, and now I've only got to Isl out what It Is " Mind limine. klTck O'ltell "The strlks trevinte tit baseball game In St l.eutt last tk " Luke Warnio "Thafs funnrl 1 al-viya al-viya thought strikes wsrs tb srlnrl-pil srlnrl-pil efforts of the BC Louis team." A I-air Man'a rhtlaaoKkj, 'Charles, not it single vegetable that la planUi) , liaa Gntu,'P "-K J" ' ..'-lMn'l wort about that, Clara; If w haven't got any garden we won't havo to broak our backs keeping the weeds out ot It." Ilia Oltiar Knui. Now Teacher Next boy, what's your name? Hoy William, ma'am. "What Is your other name?" "Scrappy Hill" Unit. Mr. Bnppclgh I believe I wIU visit a mind reader nnd allow blia to experiment ex-periment with me. Miss Cabby If ou do be will think te Is reading n blcycls advertisement A Dcil.lol IJlrfiiranaa. I.lttlo Sister 'What's the difference 'tween 'lectrlclty nnd llghtnln'?' I.lttlo Ilrnthcr "You don't have to pay nothlii' fur llghtnln'." Tll-Ults A Ilrtllillliau. I'rcddy Pop, when do they eall a woman "an old hen?" Tho Paternal When sh becomes hopelessly set In her ways, my son Tha Tlilntr tu Tulnk. It Is all cry well, my sou, to say what you think. If you will only be careful to think only what you ought to say. Iloston Transcript Uood lauaa fur Yfurry. "What" the matter, my diar?" her mother naked. "You look worried " "I am," ropllod tha young novelists lfo. Hafts. Mother Maltese "Tom ritcb, before you contlnuo your singing lesson, step ouy hors nmong theso potted plants. The old man won't risk them with a bootjack." Not to lie lft lltliliid. Professor's Asslstaut Our rlrat scientist ha discovered a beetlo that eats cigarettes." Professor (angrily) "H has, has he? Hand up my pen; I"ll get out a beetle 'which eats boys Bad men who smoke cigarettes " |