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Show Kathleen Norris Says: The Stepmothers Duty Is toWait (Bell Syndicate WHU Service.) The Utile thing seems to have an uncanny instinct for making trouble; if her father starts to talk to me, she must go around the table and climb STEPMOTHER A newly married girl comes to Kathleen Norris for advice on a vital problem : her husband had a daughter daugh-ter by his first wife from whom he was separated by death. The little girl is almost unmanageable, putting put-ting a continual strain on a normally normal-ly happy relationship between the young woman and her husband-Kathleen husband-Kathleen Norris analyzes this problem prob-lem and tells the young wife how it can be solved. By KATHLEEN NORRIS EVERY marriage is a separate problem and a separate lifework. June brides might as well get that truth through their exquisitely ex-quisitely waved young heads right here and now. If wedding vows were for six months or one year nothing noth-ing in the new life would seem some good reason for not going to school. - "My own hope has always been for a houseful of children. But yesterday yes-terday Rod said that it hurt him to think of anyone ever making Doris feel second. If ours could be a boy, he said, it might be different. But if it was a little sister it might upset her psychologically. At least, he said, that's what one of his sisters told him. "I honestly think Rod would be happier if we left the child with his mother. But he hates to admit it. And so the screaming and crying go on. If I dress her, 'Jean hurt me!' If I fix her lunch 'it tastes horrid!' When the aunts come she flies to them and clings panting, and of course Rod and casual visitors draw their own conclusions. I want to do my duty by her, and see that she's decently dressed for school, does her homework, eats at least a part of what she should, gets to bed at some reasonable hour. Can you help me see the right way?" Jean, perhaps I can. For you're not the first stepmother who contradicts contra-dicts all the old fairy-stories by being be-ing a gentle and well-disposed human hu-man being who wants to give a beloved be-loved husband's children a break. so serious. Jean would remind re-mind her dear old friends in a laughing aside that "after Christmas" she would be free for bridge and lunches and long evenings of gossip again! John would be more loverlike lover-like than even in engagement days because so soon he must lose this dear little affectionate affection-ate companion. But both know that marriage is a long-term contract. Unless things really go wrong Jean and John will be together when Je"an is a wrinkled little old lady, and John's teeth and hair and eyes have all been artificially artifi-cially reinforced. Fifty years! At any age that seems a long, long time, and at 27 and 22 it sounds like the clang of a jail door. Eight Start Important. That's why it is so important to start right, with a good heroic mixture mix-ture of unselfishness, silence, self-control, self-control, humor. That's why it pays to sacrifice a good many things, to put the family into second place, to give up intimate chattering old friends, and girlhood's habits of reading books until the dinner is nr-fiiallv annnnnrpd nr nibbling Can- dy so that one doesn't want dinner, or coming in late of an afternoon, or yawning at breakfast, or forgetting forget-ting toast until it burns, or making mild jokes at John's expense.. These things don't sound important, but like every other business, marriage has got to be built upon a sound foundation of mutual respect and consideration, as well as upon young love, and like every other trifle in the beginning, these trifles have a horrifying fashion of growing strong and menacing if they aTe let grow. Jean Davis, married last Christmas, Christ-mas, writes me of her special problem, prob-lem, and spatters the beautifully written and expressed letter with tears. A Five-Year-OId Problem. 'Tm 24 and Rod's 37," says the letter. "He's stunning, and I'm not pretty. He's rich, and I was his office of-fice secretary. His people all have homes on the lake, in summer; my father has an agency for a patent oven device. "She did pretty well for herself,' everyone said, when I married Rod. "And so I did, in everything that affects him and myself. We are ideally mated, ideally happy. Or we would be, except for Doris. Doris is ,; A i-i a TTcr Go Indifferent. And first of all, I think you must abandon any idea of controlling or influencing Doris at present. Just suddenly go good-natured and completely com-pletely indifferent. If she asks you for help dressing, make no comment com-ment If she refuses her normal food and demands specialties leave it to her father and the cook. If her nurse-supposing her to have one, you don't say.-appeals to you, pass the appeal straight on to father, grandmother, aunts. If she s rude, smile. If she demands her father s attention, concede it amiably. If he questions you about her, say leniently leni-ently that she's only a small girl after all, and she'll grow wiser This course cannot fail, it removes re-moves you entirely from the scene 3 combat and places responsibility where it belongs. Once you adopt tZ more outrageously Doris acts tte better for you. Her best clothes will be speedily destroyed, her Grandmother and aunts will grow tired of more-spoiled-than-ever chUd who visits them at odd hours witi TaU sorts of demands. And of we whole distracted circle you w.U be the only one still smiling and re mte' order Out of Chaos. no ufluguter, nve yeais uiu. mother died when she was born, and two aunts and a grandmother have had her since. Rod wants her with us now, and for his sake I am glad to have her. "I've always liked children, always al-ways gotten along with them. But I never saw a child like this one. She is a pale, determined little girL completely spoiled. Everything causes a fight, everything causes a scene. She will wear a blue dress; she won't wear her white shoes; she won't take a bath, or when she's in the tub she won't get out. A Constant Battle. "The little thing seems to have an uncanny instinct for making trouble; trou-ble; if her father starts to talk to me. she must go around the table and climb into his lap. She isn't alTectionate, but she can stir him so with wistful references to "my ! own Mummy' that his heart melts j toward her. Every week-end she spends with her grandmother and i junts, and every Monday she comes 1 Dack completely demoralized, with Bv all means have children, w It seems too bad tor b haVetVCneone We mtcUl. in this fashion. Bui ui not of your choosy aon learn common sense s As a mai'er Iv 1. into disponed di-sponed children may gro contented and twted c they sooner or later k ing, tantrums PolI,nhey must, if and scorning of tooo. knQwn they are to l-.ve a t fiye wh0 kf DoVis hfvetybe spoUcd b. a lodes of circumstance, |