Show BROADWAY AND MAIN STREET L' L 1 This Guy Must Have a Lot of Crust Making Fun of Poor Old Joe Stalin That Way WayBy By BILLY ROSE I Generalissimo Joseph V. V Stalin Chairman Council of Ministers i Kremlin Moscow U. U S S. S. S R. R Dear Joe If It I may be so bold Id I'd like to call can your attention to a matter which is la no laughing matter even though its it's been getting a lot of laughs lately Namely the recent efforts of your propaganda boys to win friends and influence people in hi this thI part of the world T Pik w frn fn nn I 1 ill lollapalooza about how your engineers engineers engi engi- fleeTs were nudging mountains w with wit I t h uranium We degenerate degenerate degenerate de de- generate d democrats demo demo- e em m fl 0 era orals ts whether you J know it or not are area a minded fact people people peo peo- pIe who thrive on details When a fellow fellow tellow fel tel low says hes he's Napoleon Napoleon Napoleon Na Na- we want to see his birth certificate certificate certificate and when Billy Rose Eose hes he's atomized an Alp we want to see the hole in hi the ground Then there were the recent humdingers humdingers humdingers hum hum- dingers which claimed that every doodad from the wheel to the flying flying flying fly fly- ing saucer had been invented by a Russian Now I cant can't doubt that many an Important Idea has been hatched between the and the Urals Urais but when your propaganda propaganda propaganda prop prop- machine gives the rest of the world credit for tor nothing but the Lindy hop and the bubonic plague a lot of folks who might otherwise be be- friendly begin to titter titter and and even your legitimate claims get lost in the chuckle OUR MASS REACTIONS were neatly summed up a few tew months ago ngo when The New Yorker cartooned cartooned cartooned car car- a group of ot your agents in hi China discussing policy The main thing Is to handle them with tact I IsaId said one of them Let Lct them think they invented gunpowder Some Issues later the same periodical ran another captious cartoon in hi which several were debating the question Shall we invent television now or wait until they perfect color As another and admittedly picayune picayune pica pica- example of what Im I'm getting at let me tell you about my own experiences with your editors and copywriters Every now and occasionally at as tome some idle eye in i n your you press diviS division divi divi- S slots sion has apparently noticed I take lak a playful poke pok at your regime re re- re- re gime gme in n my column an column an event which certainly doesn't figure to 10 precipitate a I crisis of state stale But Bul instead of filing it in the lh wastebasket wastebasket waste waste- basket an and going about their business your you name caller have hav twice made th the mistake of answering answering an an- back and both times tims with the lh finesse iness of a lumberjack trying to tat The first time a year ago both Pravda and reported I was wasa a white slaver and that my humpty little cabaret was the biggest bordello In hi the world And as If U that weren't enough they went on to say that my partners Inthis Inthis in inthis this enterprise were John Edgar Hoover and Bernard M. M Baruch Well as might have been expected expected ex ex- ex- ex this bombastic bombshell exploded nothing but out giggles Time magazine the item as a agag agag gag my chorus girls threatened to picket the Russian consulate and the syndicate which handles my stuff picked up a few more papers ALL OF WHICH should have taught your word wasters a lesson but it didn't A few days ago someone mailed me the February issue of your magazine Novy Mir New World and and lo lo and surprise In In it was was' an article by one P. P which by way of documenting documenting documenting docu docu- the degeneracy of American American Amer Amer- ican lean culture described me as a gangster with three chins who murdered a man and grabbed his capital capita I took this h I assure you as IS plaudit rather than Ihan a potshot On your way up as I get gel it you knocked off a couple of 01 banks yourself and nd since have hall undoubtEdly undoubtedly edly idly knocked off of an an opponent or three it was evident meant to b be complimentary when h he be word painted word painted m me in th the image of 01 Soviet Citizen No 1 All kidding aside though dont don't you think its it's about time you sent for tor your typewriter assassins and pointed out that their releases are getting more howls than hosannas And while youre you're at it you might point out that Joe Goebbels Goebbel's theory the the bigger the lie the more apt ItIs it itIs itIs Is to be believed only believed only works with people who desperately want to believe believe believe be be- lieve the lie One thing more I fraternally suggest you keep an eye on this fellow who said I had three chins Such a man in hi a a reckless reckless reckless reck reck- less moment might describe bis his premier as having two heads Sincerely Billy Rose |