OCR Text |
Show "HELLIE v I I EVELL days: - J! WIN-IN even some of my enemies have complimented me on having hav-ing o Rood heart, It Ih wimewhut of a Bhix-k to have th! medical rewrite flien Insist that It l.s nil wrolitf. They posted all Boris of warnings to keep (inlet lest I Khove It oft Ha trolley. One doctor toM me to exclude ooflVe from my diet because It affects the heart. live ilays later, when a heart ipeelallst was called In, the first thin? he ordered was caffeine. Anolher lnstanr-e of "write your own ticket" occurred ahout the same time. While I was helnj; Riven a hypodermic hypo-dermic of adrenalin lor the heart the needle must have tfruck a coarse and stubborn wire some place In me. Anyway It caused a painful ahraslon and swelling, and the house doctor ordered a hot-water bottle applied to It. "And If that doesn't relieve It," he told the nurse, "put nn Ice hag on It." It recalls the old story of Elisabeth Murray used to tell In vaudeville about the colored nurse, who, when asked If she used a thermometer to test the temperature of the baby's bath, replied : "I.awd, hones', Ah doesn't need no mometer. Ah Jus' fills de buflub an' puts de chile In. If he tu'ns red It's too hot un' if he tu'us blue It's too toV." Klhel Watts Mumford, the writer, Is distinguished for her unusual parties, par-ties, and there are a lot of them to which she can point with pride. But her greatest achievement In the line of distinctively Individual entertaln-menlH entertaln-menlH took place some years ago In Hawaii. There were a number of her American Amer-ican acquaintances there and she conceived con-ceived the Idea of giving a Tersian party, a sort of Omar Khayyam affair, af-fair, which started wllh Hie rising of the moon. There was one thing she had not counted on and that was the peculiar notions of her Chinaman cook concerning private property. Early In the evening, without her knowledge, he had borrowed several bottles of vintage champagne and had not watered the (lowers with It. When dawn came and her guests prepared to depart, they strolled out to their motor cars. But there weren't liny motor cars. Inquiry brought the answer from the other servants. "I.u get genelous," they explained. "Olive all automobiles away to China-hoy China-hoy (liemls find cook-boys alound here." So the enrly mornln.': crowds on the heach at Walklkl, which means kicking kick-ing water, were edilied by the sight of n group of well-dressed Omar Khny-yams, Khny-yams, Ilarouu Al Kaschlds, All Balms Ba-lms and other notables of the East, plodding homeward In a very unro-niantic unro-niantic way. Charles Hutchinson, the veteran and genial treasurer of the Klngling-Bar-num & Bailey show, has been the private pri-vate banker and safe deposit vault for the personnel of the show for many years. In that capacity he has had many humorous Incidents come up. and one of his tales concerns an Industrious and honest darkey who asked him to keep his money for him as a favor, fearing he might lose It while working around the lot. "How do I stand now, Mistah Hutch?" he asked his official friend one day. Mr. Hutchinson looked at his vest-pocket vest-pocket notebook and said : "Just $'22 even Is your balance, .Toe." "lluh-uh, Mistah Hutch," demurred Joe. "Oat cain't be right, 'cause, don't you-all remcmbeh, suh, dat Ah un-eveued un-eveued It when you give me fob bits last Sattiday?" Where am I? Before I became the traveling correspondent for this fireside fire-side companion I always knew just where I was (and that's more than a lot of people do). In all the Tour years I spent In the hospital and during dur-ing the many onslaughts the doctors made on me while I was under every kind of anesthetic from ether to bad cigar smoke, never once did I, according accord-ing to statistics, return to consciousness conscious-ness asking, "Where am I?" Now, since I have found out I can travel once more, I wake up every morning, count ten, then open my eyes and have to say, "Where am I?" twice before I cn even recall what city I'm in. But oh. what a relief to realize it's not a dream and that it Is all true. I am well or nearly so. And then I wish I could shout from the housetops house-tops to everyone who is adlicted that they, too, will he well some day if they Just hold on to their belief iu God and their doctor. Atlantic City is the finest place In the world for a fat woman to find consolation. No matter how big she Is, she Is sure to lind some other women who are larger. I have never seen so many big women in my life. Pome of them can even cheer me up. The hotel where I am stopping Is no place to reduce. What I have done to my "slender-form" since I have been here s plenty. I spend much of the day out of doors, and at night sleep with the ocean breezes on me. What a contrast to last summer, when I hadn't seen the sun for four years. Po you wonder that I am grateful to Cod and my friends for saving my life and making It possible for me to en joy these luxuries? (L'opyrisM by the McXaucbt Syndicate, Inc.) |