OCR Text |
Show I GOOD SVifl 1 JOKES SAVED. I C- I m i SiiiB i m De Hunt Yes. I had a narrow escape es-cape from a rhinoceros. De Quiz And what saved you? De Hunt The fact that the rhinoceros rhino-ceros could not climb a tree had something some-thing to do with it. One Woman's Wisdom. She was left a contested fortune, But proved she wasn't a dunce; For she sot every cent of the money By marrying her lawyer at once. Appreciative. "Now, this poet has the right idea about doing business," said the editor. "You surprise me." "Before submitting a sonnet he presents me with a first-class cigar." "Suppose the poem Is not worth publishing?" pub-lishing?" "Oh, I'm not without a sense of gratitude. I'll contribute a two-cent stamp and see that he gets his verses back again." Her Enjoyable Meals. "And do you enjoy your meals?" asked the doctor of the patient. "Some of them, doctor," replied the woman. "Only some of them?" "Yes, doctor. I enjoyed my luncheons." lunch-eons." "And why your luncheons, pray?" "Because I eat them in peace and quiet. My husband always takes his lunch at the club." Relative Values. "Why don't you pay your subscription subscrip-tion in garden stuff?" inquired the editor ed-itor of the Punkintown Gazette. "Well," replied Farmer Corntossel, "I'd hate to look stingy when I was handin' you cabbage an' tomatoes. The way the cost of food has been goin', it 'ud be hard to give you anything noticeable no-ticeable that wouldn't be worth more than the regular money." Not All Her Own. A young woman who does a bit in the line of verse recently received the following note from a magazine editor: "Dear Madam : The verses entitled 'The Kiss,' are extremely clever. Can you assure me that they are original?" Whereupon the fair writer answered an-swered : "Sir : Not quite. 'The Kiss' was a collaboration." We Often Feel Hhat Way. "Have you any diaries for 1917?" "Not yet. Why?" "So much has happened since January Janu-ary 1 that I've used up all of this year's calendar." Richmond Times-Dispatch. Self-important. "Isn't Bliggins rather self-important?" "I should say so. He thinks he's doing do-ing a fish a favor to catch It and let it iccupy the same boat with him." POSITIVELY INSULTING. Mr. Cholly Shallowpate 1 say, did you er er see me at the er er horse show? Miss Cutting Hintz No, I was too busy watching the horses to get j around to the donkey exhibit. The Thoughtful One. Patience I see a Pennsylvania Inventor's In-ventor's rat trap can be set with the foot, eliminating the danger of broken j fingers. I Patrice But don't you think there s the danger of mussing up one'f ipats? A Puzzle. "Why do they say the unspeakable Turk?" "I don't know. His names are much ;ier to say than the Russians' or v.a Pole.'.'." SEEMS PROBABLE. "Now, don't tell me that opportunity opportu-nity has never knocked at your door," said the didactic person. "I wouldn't make such a statement." replied the disconsolate individual, "because I'm not sure of the facts, but I'm reasonably certain about one thing." "And what is that?" "If she ever did so she probably knocked just about the time some champ came along in his automobile and tooted his horn so loudly I couldn't hear her." She Knew. Father You said you want to marry this young man? Daughter Yes, father. "Hut you've only met him twice, you say." "Yes, father." "But you can't know anything about a young man by only meeting him twice." "Oh, yes, 1 can, father. I know he dances beautifully," Continuous Round of Pleasure. First Cincinnati Man Hello, old chap! Haven't seen you for several days; been out of town? Second C. Man Yes; been In Indianapolis In-dianapolis for a week. First C. Man Have a good time? Second C. Man Well I should guess yes. Why, I never got to bed a single night I was there before ten o'clock. Indianapolis Star. Big Chicken Population. "What is this state we are now in?" asked the man of his chauffeur while touring. "This is Minnesota, sir," replied the driver. "Oh, indeed. That reminds me that I read the other day that there are 11,000,000,000 chickens in Minnesota-Can Minnesota-Can you see the road ahead, well?" "No, sir; I can hardly see it for chickens, sir." |