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Show Xfhfphillipr V ELMER TWITCHELL OFF TO j CO-ORDINATE ! "I'm off to Washington," declared Elmer Twitchell in an unusually m mm i high state of ex-!jf ex-!jf ' citement. trffX "What for?" we Ctr asked. "I wanna be a JvS2V co-ordinator," he l replied eagerly. ' l-r JTm "What do you wish to co-ordinate?" we hopefully asked him. "I ain't particular," said Elmer. "Squat tag or leap frog would be up my alley. I was national open squat tag champion in 1928, and I have written several books on leap frog which are standard works everywhere." ev-erywhere." "But I am no slouch at lariat throwing or sack racing, either," he resumed after a moment. "Nor at Indian club swinging, apple bobbing and blind man's buff." "Are they co-ordinating such activities?" ac-tivities?" we asked. "Oh, yes," snapped Elmer. "Yes indeed. They are co-ordinating everything. ev-erything. Haven't you been reading read-ing about the testimony before Senator Sen-ator Byrd's committee? And this is no minor co-ordination, it's an all-out all-out co-ordination. We are the Arsenal Ar-senal of Co-ordination, from what I read." "Do you think you'll land a job?" we asked. "Why not? Ev- P m ymurm erybody else has. JL-asffl J? 1 A friend of mine i nE3S who has been , jTSS? i tricks has been SilT named National J Co - ordinator of ' $jr Parlor Games under un-der the OCD and Wilbur Jones, an alligator wrestler by profession, has landed as National Co-ordinator of Alligator Wrestling." "Really?" "Not only that but an appropriation appropria-tion is being asked for $150,000 for alligator pools and $75,000 for alligators." alli-gators." "Can you get alligators for that money, the kind that will really do any work?" we asked. "Yes, alligators are as a class willing to sacrifice a little for the cause," explained ex-plained Elmer. "What does Mrs. Twitchell think of your working as a federal co-ordinator of rope tricks, squat tag playing play-ing and so forth?" we asked. wtiLiiy !. "Oh, she's too ..w j busy to care," he Wgv ' rePlied-; rePlied-; j "What's she do- ; mS these days?" ''xBBPt .' ' "She's a co-or- Ofvk. ' dinator," he said. ! "Of what?" "Either magic lantern shows or eggplant culture, I am not sure which," said Mr. Twitchell. "She's doing well. Great for morale, she says:" "The whole Twitchell family is in on it," we observed. "Yes indeed, Uncle Chidsey has been in from the start. He's U. S. Co-ordinator of Kite Flying at a pretty good salary. He is opening kite flying centers everywhere and thinks he may get a million dollars for kites. He says that nothing bolsters up a people's morale like running around with a kite on a string. And Grandpa Lem is co-ordinating, too. He's the one who never nev-er did amount to much at anything." "What's he co-ordinating?" "Top - spinning, I understand," snapped Elmer, grabbing a train. CIVILIAN CASUALTY Helena Hollingsworth Honeybun To air raid meeting goes on Mon. Her bunions burst right through her shoes At ftre-warden work on Tues. When Red Cross work arrives on Wed. Her limbs feel like a ton of lead; Helena's mind seems full of burn From salvaging all day on Thurs. Fearless femme, she bats no eye Practicing home defense on Fri. Won't someone send on Sat. and Sun. First aid for our Miss Honeybun? Sam Michael Gevins. An insurance company has received re-ceived a claim from Corregidor for losses of watches and other items at the post exchange. And we can imagine the insurance company adjuster ad-juster looking it over and demanding demand-ing severely, "Just what happened there?" And, perhaps, after being told of the Jap attack, adding, "You will have to send us more proof." Ima Dodo found her typewriter so hard to operate that she just threw the cover over rt with the exclamation, exclama-tion, "I guess the War Board froze it." And it is Miss Dodo who has been using one typewriter ribbon so long that she could be accused of hoarding. hoard-ing. Sign spotted by Tompkins Harris in Joe Brocato's restaurant: It's Tough to Pay 55 Cents for a Steak, but It's Tougher When You Pay 35. |
