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Show Kuminatin & Roundabout In which Ruminator proposes to dream a lot, think as little as necessary, scatter a few bouquets bou-quets while their objectives are still above the sod to enjoy f them, and fire a hot-shot now and then before said Ruminator gets too old and his sight gets too poor to see the sparks fly. We cannot help but feel that old man Depression is on the run and that, despite the grievous griev-ous straits of some of our people during the depression, they have not permitted any warping of their sense of honesty and fairness. Only a short time ago one of our townspeople completed payment of a subscription account owing The News when he felt that financial circumstances forced him to have the paper discontinued. Last week another former subscriber likewise like-wise cleared up such an account and still another began paying with that end in view. None of these good people have been bothered with a word of any kind from us. We knew they were hard-pressed hard-pressed and would do the best they could. Our faith in them has been rewarded and we feel darned good about it. But we don't feel ;so kindly toward another one or two who have made no effort to pay up despite the fact that they have better jobs than they have had for a long time. Or for someiof those fromi out of town who complacently let a bill accumulate and then have their postmaster advise us that they "refuse" the paper. What we think of them, and their tactics so lack-' lack-' . ing in straightforwardness and honesty, wouldn't do to print, depression or no depression de-pression ! ' L. A. (Bert) Wynaught dropped us a card from Providence, Rhode Island, where he has been visiting with home folks, stating that he was starting for home March 11 but followed the card with an airmail air-mail letter to Senator George Jefferson Jef-ferson that he won't be leaving Detroit until too late to get here for the Milford meeting of the Associated As-sociated Civic Clubs of Southern Utah. Bert is pretty much a permanent per-manent fixture in the setup of that "v organization and its not going to be the Fame kind of a gathering without him But the loss is going to be his as well as that of others gathered here! The mistakes we newspapers will make! Even the good old faithful Desert News, which, a few days a'go, carried an announcement of the marriage of a Kanosh woman to our own Dave Tanner. Davo says he appreciates the compliment fully and does enjoy the acquaintance of the other party but that there is absolutely no truth whatsoever in the announcement an-nouncement and expects the paper to make a retraction. JST And did your ship come in or go out or just get skuttled the firBt part of the week on the beaver slide sidewalk side-walk ar equally muddy curb-way curb-way leading from Main street to the poit office? We don't know tjhat it was anyone'B fault ; more likely the combination combi-nation of low and nearly worn-out worn-out sidewalk, north facing, non-removed flurries of snow, and no gutter. Bujt it was plenty awful and a recurrence should be prevented, if possible. pos-sible. 38T 38T Whether the feeling of spring, lovely spring got into State Representative Rep-resentative Sam Kiefer's blood or ho merely reacted a .bit stronger than some of his fellows to the inexplainable hankering for freak legislation which seems to govern some of the fellows who have been cogitating under the capitol dome the past sixty days, the following bill, purported to be authored by Kiefer, was duly introduced in the Utah state house of representatives representa-tives last week and ordered printed: print-ed: v, The Bill An act relating to the creation of a board of sheepherder examiners; exami-ners; the qualifications and standards stand-ards of sheepherders and apprentice appren-tice camp-movers; the discovery, education and training of sheep-herders; sheep-herders; repealing, amending and re-enacting the Volstead act, the ten commandments, the Mann act; the truth-in-fabrics act; the law of gravitation; defining the duties of sheepherders and providing for v examination and license fees, sus pending the writ of ipse facto nux vomica in the state of Utah; defining de-fining the game of golf and fixing (Continued on last page) Ruminatin' (Continued from first page) an age limit for players thereof, and changing course of the Colorado Colo-rado river and changing the age of consent. Be it enacted by the legislature of the state of Utah: Section 1. It shall be unlawful for any person to be placed in charge of a band of woolies in this state as guide, nurse and companion, compan-ion, unless said person described in this act as a sheepherder, shall have duly passed a mental, moral and physical examination by a state board of sheepherder examiners. exami-ners. Section 2. This board shall con sist of five members, none of whom shall be engaged directly or indirectly in the business of rais-; inc;, producing or encouraging! sheep, wi-ol or lambs nor in the manufacture or sale of sheep dip for beverage purposes. The board shall meet monthly, either in the state capitol at Sat Lake City or in any convenient shearing pen or j lambing shed and each member shall receive a per diem of $12 and mileage at the rate of 15 cents per! mile, measured cross-lots from the j place, if any, where he ate his last ' square meal. j Section 3. Any person desiring: to become a sheepherder shall i make application in writing for a j license to the board of sheepherder examiners, enclosinig a remittance j amounting to $50 in some such ! form as will pass the scrutiny of any intelligent receiving teller, and shall appear for examination where, if and when notified by said board. Section 4. Applicants for sheep-herder's sheep-herder's license shall be of sound mind and body, free from hallucinations, hallu-cinations, ticks, scab or other defects, de-fects, and shall have served at least five years as camptender, brass rail polisher, wireless operator, opera-tor, or radio expert. Any sheepherder sheep-herder who has attained the age of 55 years and served not less than five years at his profession who shall become muscle bound from stirring mush, twisting flapjacks flap-jacks or other physical exercise incident to his official duties may be declared eligible to golf retirement. retire-ment. In order to secure the benefit bene-fit of this section the said sheepherder sheep-herder shall make application in writing to the board giving specific speci-fic details of his whole or partial uisability and the cause thereof and upon approval after due investigation in-vestigation the said board shall issue is-sue the sheephercer's employer a citation in aurora borealis, upon receipt of which the employer shall immediately provide said sheepherder with one niblick, one miciron, one brassie, one mashie, and a set of golf balls, together with one competent instructor for not less than 90 days or until said sheepherder shall have become proficient. The coroner shall act as caddie and bottlebearer unless prevented by official duties. Section 5. Any and all person or persons, who at any time have purchased pari-mutuel tickets or voted on the passage of the Redd racing act, either for or against, are qualified to receive a certificate certifi-cate as sheepherder, and may so do without taking examination. Section 6. No person :n this state shall practice sheep'icrding nor he an applicant for a license to perform such duties: (a) Who cannot find anything else to do. (b) Who at the time or application applica-tion is detained in the state reformatory re-formatory at Ogden or state mental asylum at Provo. tc) Who is president or cash- j.v , ier in the army, navy or marine 1 j corps. (c'i) Who is president of any national bank within the state. I (d) Who has flat feet, bunions, .ingrowing whiskers, housemaid's !knee, ringbone, spavin, inertia or i insomnia. (e) Who still has money from the last job and which he desires to blow. Sestion 7. Any person, firm or corporation who shall violate the terms of this act shall be deemed guilty of malfeasance in office and upon conviction thereof shall be fined as much as possible to collect, col-lect, or be confined in the nearest dipping vat until such fine is paid. Proposed amendments: Be is further enacted that this session of the twenty-first session of the Utah legislature do what they can to have the course of the Colorado river so changed that it will run parallel through Salt Lake and Weber counties without entering the boundaries of Davis county. All acts, or parts of acts, which are found by courts to be in conflict con-flict with this act shall be allowed to stand exactly as they are. Things could be no worse. , |