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Show NEW SLANG The young salesman placed his aiiiple case on the porch and began genial ly : "How do you do? I should like to introduce to you our new corn razor.' "You needn't waste -your time," re plied the farmer sharply, "an' what'f more, young fellow, that smart city slang won't get you very far in these parts. The next farm you stop at you'd better call a scythe a scythe." Torbes Magazine. Both Thick a clerk in London, whose strong points were malignering and stupidity, thought lie could use the fog as an ex cuse for his absence. So he sent a note to the ofhee: "Too thick; can'i come today." Promptly the reply came from the boss: "Too dense; don't come at all." PROOF OF PERVERSITY mpae ''IIP? "Reports say the rye crop Is the best ever." "Well, doesn't that just show the perversity of nature when It can only be used for bread?" Passing Contract Position in affairs of state May oft prove brief though breezy. The salary isn't overgreat And the resignation's easy. A Natural Inquiry "Do you sell motor cars, hams, snow rhovels, church bells and the like?" asked J. Fuller Gloom, the human hyena. "No, sir, we fill prescriptions, and " replied the salesman. "Then, why in the name of the bird with the broad and sweeping wings do you call tills a drug store?" Dangling for Some Time Mr. Langley Ah, they have Just dropped their anchor 1 Mrs. Langley Dear me! I was afraid they would. It's been dangling outside for some time! Embarrassing "Why did you give up pipe-organ lessons?" "I felt so blooming childish, playing with my feet." From the Stanford Chaparral. ONE TRUE MAN - ' She I don't believe there was ever a man true to a woman. He Ilow about Adam? May Die of Joy "If ignorance is bliss," said Black To White, "well, then, my boy, you'd better get your life insured; Since you may die of Joy." Saving Trouble "You are planting only onions am potatoes?" "Yes, last year my wife got attached In a souash and wouldn't let us eat It. I'm planting only underground grow ers this spring." Louisville Courier Journal. She Knew Hub Did you ask the new maid I: she has had any experience with chll dren? Wlfe Don't need to. I could tell by the way she glowered at 'em thai she had. Arithmetical "Now, then, Archie, if I were to cut this apple Into twenty equal parts, what would each piece be?" "Please, sir, a shaving." Melbourne Punch. Needed "Women have more faith than men." "They have (o, if they are going to believe half what the men tell them." The Western. Achievement Mrs. Knox Did success come ti our husband early in life? Mrs. Iiox Yes; he was only twen y-one years old when he won me. |