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Show The Basement Philosopher By KENNETT HARRIS (Cer"b. 1711. b W. O. Chapnu) "No, Nels, my friend," said the Janitor Jani-tor to his sorrowful Scandinavian assistant. as-sistant. "No, Nela, I would not make a compluint to tbo police." lie aliook hli In-ad slowly and solemnly. "No, I would rot," ho repeated. "Not that 1 grudge the police any harmless amusement; they've a hard life of It, them boya, what with Investigating committees, grand Juries and the like. There ain't none loo many raya of auntihlne on their paths. Hut I'm con-slderlng con-slderlng It from your standpoint and as a matter of principle. First of ail, what good la it agoing to do you? "Now, aa I understand It, the guy that sold you the ring wus a medium alzed guy with a aandy mustache. It you look clone and careful at me, you'll aee that I'm medium sized and 1illo 1 wouldn't want no one to call my mutache 'Bandy' to my face, I ain't got no doubt but what 'aandy' la the word a stranger would use describing de-scribing of It. And I ain't the only one. There's medium sized, aandy mustached guy on the police force, even. If they was to throw out the drag and bring In all the anndy runta In Chicago, business would be at a standstill and the cars would atop running. You wouldn't want that, would you? Sure you wouldn't. "In the next place, Nels," continued the Janitor, "this here guy didn't give you no written guarantee that it waa a genu Ine alx-carat diamond that ho sold you for two seventy-five. He may have give you the impression that It was, when he picked It up off the sidewalk, but Imprcaalona don't cut no ally If a fellow's got something good to sell he wants somewhere near what It's worth. If I found a six carat diamond ring I wouldn't sell It to no squarehead for two-seventy-flve when I could hock it roost anywhere for ten dollars. Same way if I owuod a gold mine that the finest experts claimed would produce a million a day-1 wouldn't peddle the stock at five centa a share to get money to develop de-velop U and keep It out of the hand of the combine. I'd develop It with my finger-nails first. I don't want my bargains too big. I'm leary of 'em when they get over a certain Blue. I may lose money that way. but I'll bet I've saved lots of It too. Still. If I did happen to buy a gold brick that some sandy muatached guy hud swiped from the sub treasury, and found out afterwards that It wasn't what It had been trucked up to be, I wouldn't make no complaint to the government. "No, don't you never holler. Some of thene daya you may buy an orange grove In Florida and be sort of din-appointed din-appointed with It, but you'll stand a better chance of trading It off for west side unimproved If you haven't been too noisy about It to your circle of acquaintances. Ever know a successful suc-cessful politician to squeal when be was thrown down? Not on your life. He lets bygones be bygones and keeps his little snickersnee sharped up for future une. Yen may not go Into poll-tics, poll-tics, but It's a cinch you'll get married, mar-ried, and there's another game where you're liable to get the worst of it. I guess 'tne-t every married man thinks be has at times, and the women are dead sure of It. Hut why bellyache? Here I've been married now close on to twenty years and "No. Nela. my friend. It doesn't do no good to boiler. Every holler Is a knock and It isn't the other fellow you're knocking, though you may think it Is. "And if you'd had a five dollar bill In your kick Instead of the small change you'd have been two and a TAKE IT FROM ME, NtVwftUXVt THAT'S ALWAYS LOOKINQ FOR SYMPATHY, NEVER GETS IT." quarter worse off than what you are. Think of that and be happy." Ice. He might have thought it was genu ine himself and been mistaken, the same as you was. Anybody's liable lia-ble to make a mistake. What you ought to have done was to have took It to a good Jeweler and had It certified certi-fied before you paid out any money on It. (You waa careless, that's all there Is about It j "The other reason why I wouldn't advise you to set the machinery of the law In motion about this here business, Is the principle I was telling tell-ing you about. You take thla for your motto: 'Never make a holler' not under un-der no clrcumatances. If you get Btung, hide the swelling the best you can and keep your mouth shut until you get off some place by yourself where nobody ain't agoing to hear you. Then If you want to relieve yourself your-self by a few remarks, go ahead and make 'em and get It off your chest. Anybody's liable to be a sucker some time; nobody can't be wise to all the plants there Is; but, believe me. the biggest boob in the bunch is the yahoo ya-hoo with the yawp, who wants everybody every-body to know how shameful be'a been Imposed on. "You take It from me, Nels. my friend: the fellow that's looking for sympathy all the time never gets it. What he gets la the fishy eye or the merry ha-ha. but sympathy nli. Not If he puts up a holler. If any eon-of-a gun gets the best of me In a deal, I make up my mind I'm Just as muc'i to blame for It as he Is. All I've got Is what'a acomlng to me. If I can throw a rope on bis goat any time without advertising myself as an easy mark. Ill do It; If I can't. Ill charge It ap to experience. "You see. I'm a man that likes to have the good opinion of my friends." declared the Janitor. "I've got the reputation of being a pretty flossy proposition, at least that's what my friends tell me, and III stand for a pretty hard poke of the gaff before I'll contradict 'em. If there's any rumors to the contrary floating around, they don't come from me. If I pick a win. ner any time. 1 alnt going to make no dark secret of It. but If I drop a week'a wages on a bum tip. I wouldn't rven tell my wife. This here world Is full of brace gsmes, Nela, my friend; and we all go against 'em more or less, the wise boys and the lap-beads both; but there alnt no evidence evi-dence agalnat the wise ones. Tay iJont write no Indignant letters to the paper. You'll aee 'em cotoe out at the side show with a happy, satis Bed smile oa their feces, and they Jont go back to tell the ticket seller that he's short-changed 'em. "Most of the trouble we have la the way of getting skinned Is when we try to get something for nothing without understanding the game. I've watched things pretty close for a man that's rot bis work to look after, but I never een a guy make his living by giving y valuable property. Most gener- |