OCR Text |
Show KATHLEEN NORRIS Wife Cherishes Tiny Grievances "TWTY WIFE does a lot to make 1 us all happy, but she's so darned unhappy herself," writes a husband from a Colorado farm. "Daisy is 37," ' his letter goes on, "and she is devoted to me and our five kids. But I honestly don't think she has another friend in the world. "She suspects everyone, distrusts everyone, and criticizes everyone. She has bad quarrels with practically prac-tically every woman in our town. This one said something mean about her when they were in high school; that one didn't come to see her when she had her first baby, and the third rented the house she and I looked at when we wanted to live in town one winter. Someone Some-one else borrowed a book and never nev-er returned it, and still another criticized Daisy for giving our girls permanents while they were in grade school. One of her oldest friends hasn't spoken to Daisy for years because she sent Daisy a Christmas present, and Daisy found a card sent to this friend from another an-other woman, Inside. Daisy never forgave her. Has Never Forgiven "Her family and mine would be glad to make much of our children, especially the girls, who are now 16 and 14. But my wife has never forgiven my mother for something Ma said to a friend when I was first married, to the effect that she didn't believe Daisy wanted chil- laugh off their mother's worries and suspicions. But they naturally can't accept invitations against her will. And gradually it has been dawning on them that it is not in one case or two, but that her dislikes dis-likes embrace practically our entire en-tire social group. What can I do?" Wrong Moral Training Your wife, George, didn't have the right moral training when she was young. She may have had schooling, dancins, riding, tennis, languages. But she hasn't been taught to forgive. She hasn't been told to be humble, to put herself and her little petty pride and vanity and sensitiveness aside; to wipe the slate gloriously clean of old hurts and grudges every little while and start fresh. No, she has nursed her precious little grudges, Injuries, her slights and snubs, the forgetfulness of her friends, their innocent mistakes or hasty comments. If your mother said Daisy didn't want children, 18 years ago, the mere fact of having five lovely children doesn't heal the hurt In Daisy's pitiful little narrow heart. She has reveled In her inef-fectual inef-fectual little revenges, which have hurt only herself, and you and her children, and never have reached their real target at alL Of the good times she has missed, the happy summer camping and the holiday parties, the pride she might have felt In showing her children chil-dren to old neighbors and friends, Daisy will never know. She is too deeply wrapped in her own righteous Indignation. Hers is a very extreme case oi a common trouble. Lots of women nurse one or two grievances all their lives; rarely does anyone make quite so thorough a job of H as Daisy does. What they all needed was a good mother or father. . . has bad quarrels . . dren. With my sisters Daisy says she has nothing in common. And with her own only relative, a married mar-ried brother, she has not been on speaking terms since his wife gave a party on the night we were giving a party. "Now, the tragedy is," George Ingalls' letter continues, "that Daisy really hasn't any idea things are this way. She is so devoted a wife and mother she can't see that she is cutting our girls off from all the pleasures natural to their ages, by ruling that they never can enter certain houses and that she doesn't want them to be friendly with this family and that "This means constant arguments and disappointments for the girls. Their mother tells them that they will have plenty of friends and good times as the years go on, but that she simply will not forgive old slights and prejudices. One of my sisters has boys a few years older than my girls; she is generous, resents re-sents nothing and forgives everything, every-thing, and she wants our Sheila and Donna to join their cousins for all sorts of good times. My wife forbids it. We could have fine parties par-ties of our own out here on the farm, for ours is a grand old house and there is a good deal to amuse kids, but the same reasons hold here, too. "Can you suggest some argument or course that will solve this problem prob-lem and give my girls a chance to live somewhat freer lives? They are both loving, natural girls who |