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Show ONCE OVER Diogenes Turns In His Lantern By H. I. Phillips TT"S too tough," said Diogenes sadly. "I'm handing in my lantern." lan-tern." "Isn't this a rather hasty decision?" deci-sion?" we asked. "Don't you think you should reconsider?" "No. I'm quitting. The search for an honest man has never been harder. hard-er. I thought I had found one the other day, but he got away." We noticed something fuzzy on his sandals. "What is it?" we asked. "Mink," he said sadly. "It gets Into everything these days. I just dashed off a little verse about it" Here Diogenes read: "Think of me, a little mink. Wondering what people think; Lately I don't sleep a wink Knowing I may be a link Putting someone in the clink. "Sort of shows what a mink may think," he went on. "Oh, well, as I said, Tm through anyhow." "Aren't you too cynical?" we asked. "There are plenty of honest men around." "Oh yeah!" said Diogenes. "Get yourself a lantern and see how you like it. I will advise the if I would settle for something less and make a compromise I could get somewhere." some-where." "Something less?" we asked. "Yes. There's the nearly honest hon-est mail, the almost nearly honest hon-est man, the possibly almost nearly honest man and the pos-sible-almost-nearly-honest - pro-vided-you-don't-ask - too - many-questions many-questions type. You find 'em everywhere these days In all walks of life and on every level." "I suppose it really is hard to find somebody who hasn't taken bribes or accepted favors," we agreed. "Oh, I don't bother too much with them," said Diogenes. "They're the great minority. It's the bribe giv ers, the tribute payers, the fixers, connlvers, get- it-for-you-wholesale boys who need attention. For every man who takes a bribe there are thousands ready to pay it, which Is the sad part." "There's at least one gravy distributor, dis-tributor, influence hunter and general contaminator in every neighborhood," we said. "You're being conservative," declared Diogenes. "The real termites in American life are the fellows always ready to use money and connections to grease their way out of something. some-thing. How many people do you know who wouldn't play ball with a tax agent, attend a testimonial testi-monial dinner to a slick politician politi-cian not noted for honesty, vote for a phony, put over a fast one, play a sure thing in a fixed horse race or basketball game?" "Oh, there must be millions," we said. "Do you say there is more dishonesty today than there ever was?" Diogenes was obviously washed up and discouraged. He needed encouragement. en-couragement. "Listen," we said. "What you need is a new lantern ... I know a fellow who can get one for you with 40 per cent off and . . ." That's all we remember. Diogenes had slugged us with his old lantern and fled the scene. Shudda Haddim missed the $1,513 daily double at Providence on "Deep Down" and "Big Dance." And the night before the race he attended a party where he tried the Charleston and fell through a trapdoor. trap-door. He also missed "Ringmeup" which paid fifty to one at Bowie. "Just before the race I asked a guy why he never gave me anything good and he said 'call me up.' " |