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Show Ths Meaning of Patience, Tbo toacher was telling tho meaning mean-ing of patience to the small boy, so, after explaining that patlenco was waiting for things contentedly, sho said: "Now, Bupposo you wanted something some-thing very much, nnd your mother couldn't glvo it to you Jti3t when you asked for It, what would sho say?" "Sho'd say, 'Go away nnd don't bother mo!'" said tho boy. PROOF. VzJfl t fm I Mrs. Kaffcrty Mike was a flno an' considerate husband. Mr. O'llourko Is that so? Mrs. Itaffcrty Yls. Ho always hit me wld th" soft ond of th' broom. Had the Right Idea. Mra. Enpock I think, Henry, that our daughter has mado a very satisfactory satis-factory marriage, and that sho will succeed very well In tho management of her husband. Henry Enpcck Why do you think so? Mrs. Enpock I overheard her talking talk-ing to him this morning, and sho got hlm tongreo to n proposition llko this: "If you will do as I want, I promlso to do tho same." Knew What Ho Would Want. Clerk I nm to bo married shortly. Couldn't you manago to Increase my salary a little? Employer Couldn't, really. But I'll tell yqu whut I'll do for you, my boy. I'll shorten your hours during the first three months bo that you can spend your evenings at homo, and after that I'll lengthen them again, so that you will havo an oxcuso to got away. In Arizona. Tho Coroner Havo you any Idea what caused tho stranger's death? Uroncho Pete Yep. Ho diod from heart trubblo. Tho Coroner Aro you sure? Broncho Pete Sartenly. Tlio heart wus a aco an' ho bad It up his sloovo. Soo? Ready for Action. Miles I understand Knox nnd Howell How-ell havo at last burled tbo hatchet and aro working together for political advancement. Giles Thoy may have burled the hatchet, but I'll bet each of them has a hammer up his slcove. Such Dear Friends, Too. Clara I'll tell you a secret, dear, If you'll promiso nover to ropeat it, Maude AH right Out with It. Clara Fred proposed to mo last night. Maudo Oh, say, doesn't ho do It awkwardly, though? Force of Habit. "I appreclato tho fact that you havo honored me with a proposal," said tho dear girl, "but aro you suro your lovo for mo Is tho real thing?" "Perhnps not," frankly replied tho young drug clerk, "but It is less expensive ex-pensive and Just as good." His Philosophy. "How Is it, old man, that whonever I pass you wny, you'ro Just a-danclng In tho sunshino?" "Bless God I" exclaimed tho old darky, "I got so much trouble, I Jest has to dnnco!" Atlanta Constitution. Wanted Distance. "Do you think I am capable of playing play-ing a part?" asked tho stage-struck youth. "I do," replied tho busy mannger; "and tho farthor upart wo aro when you act tho better it will suit mo," The Cynical Spinster. "If you wore married," said tho summer sum-mer girl, "would you believo everything every-thing your husband told you?" "No," answered Miss Cayenno, "but for tho sako of peaco In tho family I'd mako him believo I bollovcd It." Why She Couldn't. Doctor- "I seo what tho matter Is. It's dyspepsia. All you havo to do Is laugh heartily beforo and after each meal." Mrs. Blinks "Impossible. I gat tho meals mysolf nnd wash tho dishes.' Pasture Repartee. First Lamb "Well, how do owe llko the wether, my buck?" Second Lamb "Bah I You'ro trying to pull tho wool over my oyes, but I'm too young to fleeco." After the Event. Ulancho Tell mo. rinrenc. how Frank happened to kiss ou. ' Florence ill was kinder funny. You seo, Frank nuked me if I was fond of kissing. I didn't Ilka lo show my Ig-nornnco, Ig-nornnco, so I said, "Oh, yos, awfully fond ot It." Blanche And then? Florence Then ho kissed mo. But 'tween you and mo, Blanche, ray answer an-swer wns right, after nil. Presents From Cuba for His Wife. . "Yes, I havo Just returned from Cuba," said J. O. Connaughton last nlghL "I brought back with mo somo nlco presents for my wife. What aro thoy? Well, a box ot cigars, a flno panamn hat nnd an old Spanish pipe. "Do I think sho will enjoy such presents? pres-ents? Well, why not? Last Christmas sho gavo mo a bottle of perfumo, a fur muff and a lady's diamond ring." Resourceful Widow. Mrs. Bangs So that pretty widow Is really married so soon ngaln, oh? Old Bangs Yes. Mrs. Baugs Hut her Into husband's will expressly stipulated that if sho took a second husband her legacy was to revert to his most distant relative. Old Bangs That's whero sho was foxy. Sho hunted up tho rotative and married hlm. Righting a Wrong. "But," sho protested. "I havo boon told that you aro a reformed rake." "TIs false," ho replied. "Why, I novcr even thought of reforming." Asked and Answered. Uttlo Wlllio What's a cannibal, pa? Pa Ono who loves his follow man, my son. Not a Safe Bet. "Yes, my boy." said the parson dur Ing n call, as he laid his hand on tho family bible, "every word In this book is truo." "Well. I know tho words aro truo," rejoined tho wise younirstor, "but I wouldn't advise you to bet on tho figures sister has boon monkoylng with on tho family record pago," Chatting at Breakfast Time. "Confound this breakfast food," roared Stubbs, bringing his fist down on tho tablo llko a trip hammer. "I want eggs! 1H you hear7 Eggs!" "That's right," said Mrs. Stubbs. "I llko to seo you make an nss of yourself." your-self." "I supposo you tlit. nindnm. You think If I'm nn ass I can cat oats." Enough of Trouble. "I supposo you will marry when you grow up," said tho visitor pleas-nntly. pleas-nntly. "No," replied tho thoughtful Uttlo girl Innocently. "Mnmnin says papa Is moro caro than tho children, bo I guess tho euro of my children will bo onough for mo without tho caro of a husband." His Explanation. "But why," I asked tho good wife, "aro j on so anxious to securo tho top flat In thnt ten-story apartment hOIIRfl?" "Because" explained tho household freight payer, "tho ulovntor would bo a great holp to us In bringing up the children." Fine Finish. Got It at Once. "Fact Is," Raid tho ono mnn, "I married because I was lonely, as much ns for any other reason To put It ' tersely, I mnrrlod for sympathy." "Well," said tho other man, "you i hnvo mine." Iondon Tlt-Blts. EASY. Mrs. Benton Holmo Doctor, ray husband's heart beats very weakly. Dr. Phil Craves I'll soon stop thaL To the Point. "What aro you hero for?" Inquired tho prison visitor. "For two reasons," replied tho Boston Bos-ton burglar. "I was sent hero for breaking In; I'm still hero for tho reason that I havo not broken out." Between Friends. Fred Tho girl I um engaged to Is very poor; In fact, sho hasn t anything any-thing at all. oo Thut's tough. And sho will have still less r.ttcr alio marries you. Misunderstood, "Luk hcah, Ilomus. how It is Ah doan seo yo' nt ineetln' ony mo'7" I "Why, do pawson Insulted mo.- "How so? Ho only sod: 'Cum on, I yo' horny-handed sons ob toll.' " j "Ah thought ho sod 'hornoy-hoadod.' Dat means old Satan." A Sleep Walker. Nowltt Ho's n somnnmbiillsL Poploy I guess you might call mo ono, too. Nowltt Why, surely you don't wnlk In your sleep? Poploy Oh, no; but I walk the baby In his sleep. Now They Don't Speak. "No man could kiss mo." snld Miss Plalnun, with dccloded emphasis. "Oh, I don't know," rejolnod Miss Dimples. "Somo men aro awfully reckless." Such Inconstancy Ho I wondor If thoro Is another girl In tho whole world so sweet as my Uttlo sweethenrt? Sho What's that. How daro you think of another girl? I shan't speak to you for a wools. Stray Storied. The Scare That Failed. Edgar Thoro aro 30.000,000 microbes mic-robes In ono plato of lco cream. Ethel Oh, lot's havo boraol How delightful to got so much of anything for jv M'M money! |
