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Show v Questions and Answers I It BY NO ONE BUT THE WRITER. s IJU.EPHIGHTEH.-We can not give you Ilguresas to the total output in the United States. One distillery at Peoria, Illinois, produces no less than 1,000 barrels of tanglefoot each day, so It you missed your rations on Saturday through illness, as you say, you might as well Rive up the struggle, you can never hope to catch up. This Is going to bo a rainy season any way. The more rain, the more corn, and the more corn the more whiskey. PUZZLED. If vou should marry I the mother and your father marries the daughter, you would, as a matter, of course, becomo your father's stepfather step-father and the father-in-law of your step-mother. Your wife would becomo be-como the daughter-in-law of your tfJBtr and his mother-in-law as well. Children of the two Issues would bo each other's grandfather and grandmother, grand-mother, as well as uncle and aunt, nephew and cousin. Further than this wo can not go, other than to advise ad-vise you to not do It. FARMER. You are rlght-these "college perfessers don't know nothln'." They Just read a few books, "the young upstarts," and then tell farmers how to farm. We wouldn't advise you to to take the bulletins. Of course, these contain considerable Information relative to experiments, but jou know more about such mat- R ters than they. Your sstem of I scratching up the ground, throwing I In some seed, and Irrigating a little, 1 will bring Just as good results as if 1 you had a whole lot of this "book V larnln' "In your head. m Can you give me any information of B Luther Uurbank's latest discoveries? m RESEARCH? B Ills very latest successful cxpcrl-Imtyds cxpcrl-Imtyds the grafting of the milkweed, strawberry plant and sugar beet. The plant resulting is not yet named but M produces the most delectable fruit known to epicureans. Mr. Rurbank has produced the "sourless" goose- berry, tho "fuzz-less peach, and the H "tasteless" blackberry. This fa'med H "grafter" Is more Interested In expert-H expert-H rocnts with animal life and hopes yet to produces thu colorless blackman, the skunklcss skunk, tho blteless Ilea Hand songlcss mosquito. Ho has alii al-ii ready produced the dog-less welner-ffi welner-ffi wurst, and the horseless corned beef, D but we don't get any of It here. If It takes li'i years for an angleworm angle-worm to crawl from New York to Roston, how many wagon loads of gravel will It take to macadamle Main St. WIUTKI.ISM. It would bo easier to tell Just how old Ann rcallv was, or how cold It Is when It's twice as cold as two degrees below 7ero. Resides, we don't believe even an angle worm would forsake New York for Roston, and If It did, It wouldn't get theie In twice 125 jcars. If It ever reached the city limits and got a breath of fiesh air It would have a stroke of paralysis and this sometimes some-times results In death. However, If evidence can bo produced to show conclusively con-clusively that any cw York worm ever reached Roston In a century and a quarter we will agree to llgure out that Main street gravel proposition and also give tho exact date of the vote In the Smoot case. When Is a college, anyway? Have you a cure for baldness? SUR-SCRIRER. SUR-SCRIRER. Why should jou want a cure for baldness? The best looking men in this city, county and state are bald-headed. bald-headed. We cite jou to Heber .1. Carlisle, Car-lisle, F A. Neubcrger, Arthur Rate-son, Rate-son, John C. Cutler, Heber Wells and a host of other millionaires and high potentates. However, If ou Insist on It, we can give you an Indiana remedy knowti to work on all but auburn crested Individuals (Jet upatil:.'tOa.m. lnc joursclf toaclovcr patch covered with rlew and there wash the naked cranium with nature's hair-restorer. Dew this every morning during the month of June, and If the hair falls to return you may believe that it has fallen fal-len In so far that It has gone for good. Rut If the hair falls to grow, a crop of alfalfa may show up and as a hlrsuito adornment this beats hair all hollow, Resides, the roots will serve to soak up the water below. If all this falls paint a rabbit on your pate and there will always be haro there. Will you please skin the hide from these blankety-blank fools who always al-ways Insist on driving to tho left In passing another vehicle? DRIVER. Awfully sorry, but we never learned to swear in our youth and can not acquire, ac-quire, it at this late date. Our vocabulary vocab-ulary was secured from Sunday School leaflets, and this skinning process Is not in our line. However, of all the infernal, diabolical,. outrageous, Inexcusable Inex-cusable acts on the part of enlightened enlighten-ed humanity, this matter of Individ- uals turning to the left when they should turn to the right Is certainly the worst that is, If the accused Individual In-dividual Isn't left-handed. In our own case, our left hand Is our right hand in most matters and despite all efforts we not Infrequently follow the wrong scent on this account. For those who are not so derormed, however, how-ever, there is no reasonable excuse for them turning to the left unless the other fellow Is Insisting on doing the same thing. It's better then to meet tho Inevitable rather than run over anyone. You might Injure the fellow fel-low and he might die a natural death. It Is the unwritten law that this class of Individuals should neer die a natural death they arc to bo shot, hung or burned, and It is pretty certain cer-tain that If they escape burning hero thoy won't In the hereafter. |