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Show ONCE tfpN A TIME laborer h3 the reputation of be-iri be-iri an inveterate drinker, but had promised Father Hennessey, whom h saw coi u? "rft. to abstain, mil with a juff.-waa saluted with: "What ve vou there?" ..S-M-ky?" he "Plied. '"AiS a"er J'or pledge? Pour u ;OUt."" ::S-inquired the father. -Because hat belongs tu 1y brother P-Then out ih you, half." was' de- j "Ssi-', lllr of the! toilers: lwltu u-'- bottom." j whilo in Texas, not long ago James Barton Adams, th author, fell in with fn old cattlcin-m who sang without end the Praises ot- ih Lone Star suite. "You are not of the same opinion as regards Texas that Sheridan was-," ob- ; served Adams. "What 0!ilon Was that?" nueried the cattleman. ' "Why he said that if he owned a j farm in'Texas and one in hell, he'd sell ! the one in Texas, .as he-would rather j live In hell." . j I "No I ain 1 ;U ODiiron," ob- I served the cattleman, thoughtfully. ! "and I'll bet Sheridan hus changed his ! iniindbytto-; j "The cold-blooded wav in which ! thee Republic11 look at public rules- i tions remind me of ' the story they ! tell about a New York drummer who died in a hotel in Atlanta not long ago." said Representative Lon Livings- j ton 'of Georgia- j "The coroner telegraphed to the j drummer's firm, saying: 'Your representative repre-sentative died here today. I .await your instructions.' ' "In a fevv hours the answer came back: ' " 'Search his pocket? for orders. Kx-press Kx-press hie samples to New York. Give his body to some medical college.' " A good "story of George Westing-house, Westing-house, the Pittsburg inventor and organizer, or-ganizer, is that-when he had completed complet-ed hia airbrake he submitted it to Com- 1 modoreA'anJerbilt. Avith the object of j installing it'OHthe commodore's railroads. rail-roads. -He was only -JS. He was admitted ad-mitted to the great railroad manager's office and permitted to explain his mission mis-sion while the commodore opened his mail. Occasionally Mr. Yanderbilf uttered-a gnp-merely to signify that he was listening to the enthusiastic recital. re-cital. When the inventor paused, Van-derbilt Van-derbilt was ready with his decision. "Young man," he said, "do I understand under-stand that you propose to stop a train of cars with wind?" Westinghouse admitted that was the fact. "Well, young man. I have no time to bother with fools," declared the commodore. com-modore. The bishop of London is an optimist who always has a good word to say for everybody, even if the person under discussion mav seem to have no admirable ad-mirable qualities. One day. when he had been standing up for a particularly disreputable specimen of humanity, a friend said to him: "How is it that you always think of something pleasant pleas-ant to say about everybody tinder the sun?" The bishop laughed. "Well, you see," he said, "there is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad- In the best of us, that it does not become any of us to speak ill of the, rest of'.us." An old couple' from the country were gazing at a marble memorial to a.bish- ' bp, .which showed him sinking into the arms of an allegorical figure, intended to represent the Angel of Death. The Old lady surveyed the monument; crlti c'jtfly, and then.. 'remarked that' it was a. god likeness of the bishop: "But," she ilded. "It ain't a bit. like his wife'. I kne t- her Wli. a nd she wore spee-taeleg spee-taeleg nd s-V.U' ls." ' A- S otchViji 'nf-r telling his scholars the j.f? '.ftAnatiias and Sap-phi Sap-phi ra.) asked Mn": "VYhys not everybodywho every-bodywho tells a' lie struck d&ad?" After ! a. long silence one little fellowNexcIaim-kd: fellowNexcIaim-kd: "Because there wouldn't be'iobody left." '" v . A well known artist was once en- gaged upon a sacred picture. A ve.ry nandsome old model, named Smith, sat i for the head of St. Mark, but when the picture was finfshed he was lost sight ! of. -One day, however, the artist, v.an- dering about the zoological gardens, came upon his old model with a -broom ! in his hand, looking very disconsolate. "Halloa, Smith!" said, he, "you don't look very cheery! What are you doing now?" "Well, f ain't dOin' much, sir, and, that's a fact. I'm engaged in these 'ere gardens a-clearin' bout -the helephants' stables a nice occupation j for one o' the twelve apostles, ain't it. I sir?" . The tourist left the train at every station, sta-tion, and went, ahead to the baggage car. to ask if his trunk was safe. "Are you quite sure.", he asked the baggage officer for the . sixth time, "that my trunk is safe?" "Begorra. I wish the Lord had made ye an elephant instead of an ass." was the exasperated reply, "and then you'd always have your trunk in front of you." ' ' - |