Show r e r iI e crL 44 abo t tAfter After Dinner Speeches TEXAS TEXAS- HOUSTON Lately for my sins Ive I've had to listen to a jag of after- after dinner oratory including plenty of mine I hope people like to hear me I do Feature writers say professional dinner after-dinner speakers are dying out That may be true in New York where folks are anxious to get got the dinner over with so they may hurry to the nightspots nightspots night night- r spots and do some sincere and earnest drinking in an effort r to forget what the d' d ds d's s fork rk k market marlet did to ton tot t n yesterday and w C lat Hit id ts s 's going goins to do doto doto t tto to them tomorrow Irvin S. S Cobb chit out in the hinterlands hinterlands hin hin- hin the new crop of 01 native orators orators orators ora ora- tors is a bountiful one and the typo lyp- Iral ira silver tongues of the great open spaces spaces spaces-I'm Im I'm speaking of 01 their neighborhoods although I might in include In elude clude their mouths mouths are are still convinced convinced con con- vinced that the sweetest music on onearth onearth onearth earth is the sound of ones one's own voice uplifted in n eloquence I An English preacher had the best formula Stand up to be seen speak up to be heard shut up to be i elated If II hed he'd left out all but the thelast thelast last part would have been beell a perfect per j feet lect recipe i Tomorrows Tomorrow's Treasures WANT x to acquire untold wealth vY for your latter years or anyhow anyhow anyhow any any- how for your grateful heirs Then collect things Collect cheap things which are both common and I commonplace Then sit down and wait walt for lor these objects to become obsolete and therefore priceless Yesterdays Yesterday's necessity Is today's junk but will be tomorrows tomorrow's treasured treasured treas treas- antique Assume you'd saved up old circus circus cir cir- cus cos bills or Mississippi river steamboat steamboat steam steam- boat menus or buggy whips or those hand painted slop jars formerly former ly Iy found lound in all truly refined homes Henry Ford or some museum would take a lot at any price Im I'm putting aside literary works of ofa I Ia a purely imaginative conception I j i I have one perfect specimen of idyl idyl- j i lie creation creation-a a time-table time of the old I Florida East Coast railroad also a complete working synopsis of 01 the Townsend plan plan just just sheer fantasy But Dut the most fanciful romances are the platform pledges adopted at national national na na- I conventions of the two great I parties during the last twenty years I theres there's real fiction for you youl I Germanys Germany's Colonies E EVERY VERY nation is s united in the magnanimous attitude that to Germany should be restored the colonies taken token from her by the winning winning win win- ning side in the Worlds World's war war except except the nations that acquired the said colonies in the split That's the main hitch Its It's more than a hitch Its It's a hard knot tied originally with hate and sealed now with greed In other words sauce for the goose is sauce for the gan gan- der unless der-unless unless it happens to be our gander which naturally alters the case Nor seemingly has it occurred to any government that the original owners of Germanys Germany's former territorIal terri tern tonal possessions might like to have havea a say about whom they're going to belong to in future But Dut then if II ever we started considering the wishes of despoiled native tribes over the world where would the white mans man's noble Doble civilization be I Cosmopolites I THE last time before belore this that I Captain Mike Hogg and Major Raymond Dickson returned to to their i- i ranch at Casa Blanca Mexico they were just back from New York I That night at the bunkhouse the I hands mostly Texas lads foregathered I ered eyed to hear the bosses tell about the wonders of the great city One or two of them had visited New I York so these cosmopolitans pro to exhibit their familiarity with its sights Major said one I 1 reckon old Grants Grant's tombs tomb's still doln doin business at the same stand eh And I bet the aquarium is right where she was when I was there said another And all them tall There was present one lanky I youth who had hod never been fifty I miles mUes away from Irom where he was I born in a bend of the Rio Grande probably never had seen a town of more than a thousand inhabitants But Dut with all these seasoned trav tray travelers elers showing off he didn't mean to be left out He lie waited for an open open- ing tag Mike he said sold tell me is that there same feller still run run run- nin the e hotel in New York IRVIN IN S S. S COBS COBB Copyright Service |