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Show SAD -S'GHT. American Contractor These pyramids pyra-mids nave been here for some time, haven't they? Egyptian Guide Thousands of years, sir. American Contractor Urn. Pity to let all that material go to waste. Why, there's enough for the foundation of a whole city of houses; and practically practical-ly all ready. Judge. PHILOSOPHIC VIEW. "I'm out of patience with my car," said the fretful motorist. "Ah! Do you ever have any tire trouble?" "I should say so!" "Engine work all right?" "It balks frequently." "Maybe you need a new car?" "No. I rather think I need the kind of disposition that will enable me to ondure the usual annoyances of motoring motor-ing with calmness and fortitude." In the Sanctum. "Ex-Congressman Flubdub wants a little writeup," remarked the magazine maga-zine publisher. "What shall we say about him?" "What did he ever do?" "Nothing." "Say he upheld the best traditions of congress. That means little, for or against." Limited Capacity. "That chorus girl Is very attractive. I'd like to give her a small part." "I don't think she could learn a part." "Still, she la so pretty that I should like to feature her In some way." "Well, you might let her raise her eyebrows in response .0 something said, I think she could learn to do th .t." Sure of His Salary. "Yes, I'm press agent for a popular star." "Better get into something where you will be sure of a salary. The public doesn't believe a word of that stuff you write about the talents of your star." "Don't worry about my salary. She believes it." Nice Remedy. Nervous Neighbor In the name of heaven, Frau Bormann, how can you give your little son such a noisemaker as that trumpet? The Lady Oh, I only let him have it when he cries, to make him keep still. Meggendorfer Blaetter (Munich). A PREJUDICED AUDITOR. "Did you enjiv - the grand opera?" "No. You see ' I had to buy my ticket from a speculator. The grand opera was all vight, but I couldn't help thinking abtut the petty larceny." Not to Be Missed. Wife We surely must go to Egypt this year. Husband Why Egypt? Wife On account of those pyramids. pyra-mids. I see by this magazine that they ure slowly wasting away. It would hardly do to miss 'em. Judge. Musical Measurement. "Waldo, I wish you would put that fifth nocturne on the pianola." "Eight in the morning is a trifle early for music, my dear." "I know. But the length of time it takes to play is just right for boiling an egg." Mostly. The Teacher Meter means measure meas-ure thus, a gas meter measures gas. Can any little boy tell me what the meter in poetry measures? Willie Hot air, ma'am! A Simple Schedule. 'The styles in clothes, alas, have not The change :Ihey ought to show! . In summer let's be Hottentot; In winter Eskimo. The Passionate Pilgrim. He Didn't 1 write to you every day, . and now when I come back I find that you've been flirting, all over the , place! She Dearest,' they were such pas-.Bionate pas-.Bionate lettei I couldn't help it! Bulletin Bul-letin (Sydney). HIS REASON. Magazine Writer You're nearly a hundred years old, and I'm sure the public would like to know how you managed to reach such a ripe old age. Old Man Well, I just kept right on living, that'all. The Way Nowadays. The Questioner Does an author's success nowadays depend upon how well he can write? ' The Magazine Editor No; on how much he can write. His Fortunate Infirmity. Miss Sweet Gelday always looks 80 pleasant when he plays bridge. Miss Dear Yes? he's quite deaf, you know, and caa't hear , the things his . partner says about his playing. Papa's Idol. Mr. De We?.ith How ridiculous for you to fall in love with that artist! I don't believe he ever sold a picture. His Daughter But, papa, he. says if he marries he won't have to. Less Trouble. Evelyn Papa says that Fred Clever is sure to mal- e his fortune. Marion Ttrat may be true, but I prefer pre-fer a man who inherits a ready-made fortune. Forebodings. "A penny for your thoughts." quoth he, "And quite expensive that is; For when we're married, I' foresee You'll give them to me gratis." Rather Personal. Reggy I saw a very-aw-peculiab thing in a show window the othah day, doncher know. It was an-aw-ankle corset foh the-aw-support of weak ankles. Peggy It's too bad some genius doesn't invent a brain corset for the support of weak brains. .A GOOD THING. Mr. Divorsey Baby is very hard to amuse he's had my safety razor, my fountain pen, my penknife and he's still restless. Mrs. Divorsey Ah! Show the little fellow my two divorce decrees. Providential. A Jewish rabbi, whose stipend was small, was asked how he was getting on. "Poorly," he answered. "If it were not for the numerous fasts which our religion prescribes I am sure my family would die of starvation." Boston Bos-ton Evening Transcript. A Hot One. Miss Antique What was the greatest great-est fairy story you ever heard? Miss Caustique The time you told me you had eight proposals of marriage mar-riage in one season. Her Happy Thought. "I hear your husband delights in fishing," gushed the effusive caller. "Oh, ye3, indeed," responded ber hostess. "It was only yesterday J said to him, 'William, you are becoming becom-ing a perfect anglophobe.' " A Spook. Blinker I woke up last night with the feeling that my gold watch was gone. The impression was so strong that I got up to look. Jinker Well, was it gone? Blinger No; but it was going! That Depends. "Mrs. Jinks, don't you believe in women's coming to the front?" "Well, ma'am, that depends. Sometimes Some-times you kin see so much better what's goin' on In the nai&iborhocd from the back" Not a Steady Job. Sandy I suppose you've heard ; aboot 'em laying MacGregor off the , docks after thirty years' sairvice? McTavish Tut, moo! yon's his ain fault. I told him when he takit the job twould no'. be steady worrk. Judge. |