OCR Text |
Show FINE BUSINESS. FORESIGHT OF POOR FARMER. A eertaiu hard-working farmer had sent his son to a good preparatory school so that he might early begin to receive the best Instruction. For his study of music the boy had to have a violin, but he was such a little fellow that his teacher thought that a so-called "half violin" was all that was necessary for him. According to the Meggendorfer Blaetter, the father, whose resources had been sadly taxed, was loath to part with the money for the Instrument, but finally did so. The boy made rapid progress, and became so proficient that a half violin was no longer good enough for him. Again he went to the music store with his father, to whom the salesman showed the entire stock of violins. The parent was apparently dissatisfied with all of them, and his gaze wandered wan-dered round the shop seeking for something better. Finally he saw a violoncello. "We'll take that huge violin there," said he, as a smile of satisfaction spread over his countenance. "The boy won't outgrow thnt right away 1" Must Be Crooked. "Beware of that fellow Slithersby." "What's the matter with him?" "I overheard him say to one of his cronies, 'Now, you and I are practical men.' " Not for Him. Ragged Rogers Wouldn't you like to have fame, Grlggsy? Grimy Griggs Naw ! Dey say dat fame Is a bubble, and there's generally soap In bubbles. MATCHED. "How's the outlook for poultry this-season?" this-season?" . "Fine ; I expect to get at least r-dozon r-dozon eggs a week from a thousand-dollar thousand-dollar Investment." Yea, Verily! Here's a line of truthful dope We've evolved after a tussel; j Borne men have too much hope, ' ' And too darned little hustle. ' Creating Atmosphere. "This movie of 'Camille' is rather good." "Yes, but I miss the star's hacking cough. That was always a big hit on the stage, you know." "True, but if you will notice, the orchestra is playing some dreadfully depressing music." Wanted A Million. "If I only had a million dollars," exclaimed ex-claimed the angry father. "And what would you do with It,, dad?" asked the wayward sou. "I'd disinherit you the first thing,"' replied the old man, as he amputated a large hunk from n plug of eating tobacco. to-bacco. Politically Economical. "Did I understand you to say Dub waite was a close student of political' economy?" "Yes ; in one sense." "How is that?" "The last time he ran for ofllce be-spent be-spent loss than one hundred dollars, and that was borrowed money." In Charity's Name. Almoe Oil, what a lovely ring I t never noticed it on your finger before?. Hazel Of course not. It's my engagement en-gagement ring, and I only got it yesterday. yes-terday. Aimee Really? And how much did. you pay for It, dear? i Just Possible. " i "In some parts of Africa," said the returned traveler, "one can purchase a wife for a pint of common glass beads." "Well," rejoined the fussy old bachelor, bache-lor, "no doubt a good wife Is worth that much." One Woman's Wisdom. The Widow Have you read the will? The Lawyer I have tried to, hut It is In your late husband's handwriting and I can't make anything out of it. The Widow Well, if you are unable:-to unable:-to make anything out of It, there can't be much In it for the rest of us. She Already Knew It. "I wisli I knew some way to make-a make-a lilt with her." "Tell her you are not good enough for her; that usually gets them." "Shu has already told tne that." MARRIED BLISS. She I simply can't stand your hot tempers any longer. He And I can't stand your cold dinners any longer. Yea, Verily. Most females would silent be, Oft keeping quiet for a week, If they'd among themselves agree To always think before they speak. A Reversible Proverb. Mrs. B. Too bad Mrs. Smart always has such abominable weather for her afternoon teas ! Mrs. W. Yes ; she never pours, but It rains. A Roland for an Oliver. Actor I don't want that bum doctor. doc-tor. He's a butcher. Doctor Then I'm the right kind of a doctor for a bad actor; I can cure hams. Possibly. Judge There goes Professor Wise and his wife. He's deaf as a post. Waggs So? I suppose that is why his wife dresses so loud. Shelbyville Wisdom. "Wives, as a rule, are more liberal than husbands," remarked the Sage of Shelbyville. "Why do you think so?" queried the skeptical person. "Because," explained the wisdom dispenser, dis-penser, "the wife who has a mind of her own Is always giving her husband pieces of it." Put to the Test. Her (arising from the piano) Do you play, Mr. Sioboy? Him No; but I'm thinking of taking lessons. I've a splendid ear fur time. Her Indeed! By the way, was that eleven or twelve the clock .just .struck? Right Away. "I understand Mrs. Bangs knows alj the details of that latest divorce scandal." ' ., ., ; "Is that so? I shall call on her tomorrow." to-morrow." Information Wanted. Little Lemuel Say, paw? Paw Well, what Is It, son? Little Lemuel Is painting the town red a cardinal sin? Possible Explanation. Wedderly. I wonder why a spinster nearly always has a cat or a dog for a pet? Mrs. Wedderly Oh. I suppose she wants some animal that will stay out at night occasionally, so she will have something to worry about. Which U What It Was. "I seo the word 'obey' is to be left out of the marriage ritual." "Yes. the church people evidently thon-hl the ritual was no place for a , , , . . f Shi; George, you're not going out to your club and leave me nil -alone, are you? What If a burglar should steal lite? Il I Mi;'poso I should have a little consideration for them. They're human, hu-man, anyway. The Diagnosis. Klowhoy Doctor, I'm troubled wltt: insomnia. Frequently I tumble 1 1 toss In bed all night long. What do you suppose Is the cause of It? Doctor Well, it is Just possible that you are worrying over that bill you have owed me lor the last two years. Tender Hearted. Il Do you know it was the happiest hap-piest moment of my life when you promise! to ,o mine? She I can't bear to refuse any mini that asks tne to marry him. |