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Show BASEBALL A LA P01LU The Baseball Magazine 'itself seems to have misgivings about the Gallic!-zation Gallic!-zation of baseball, which, apparently, are expressed in the following dramatic drama-tic sketch entitled "That French politeness": polite-ness": John Evers Well, fellows, if you think you have the rules down pat, let's start a real game. You've looked great in practise, and I guess you are all set, aren't you? Colonel Dieuxtemps Oui, Monsieur Evairs. Eet ees zat ve are prepare. John Evers Fine business! All O. K. Mike, will you umpire? Mike Donlin Sure. Anything to help the good work along. All ready? Take your positions. Batter-ru'iU Lieutenant Santerre Ah-h-lij ze kindness of ze Monsleu Dongling! Ze task of ze umpire, eet ees - arduous, J tres exacting I thank ze Monsieur f Dongling oui, oui, I shall embrace ze Monsieur Dongling! (Kisses Mr. Dongling Dong-ling on left cheek.) " Miko Donlin Here hey lay off'n me! What the say, what sorta game is this, I wanta know? John C. Hendricks One on you, Mike! Go ahead start 'em off! Mike Donlin Come on! Batter-r-rup! Captain Partonnais (at bat) So to pliz ze dear friends Americain, ve s'all all spik ze language Eengleesh, oui? Corporal Lassagne (pitching) Oui, oui! So s'all ve spik! One t'ousan' pardons, mon capitain, but I am about to peetch ze outcourve! Captain Partonnais Eet ees veil! I s'all ze outcurve assault wiz ze heet tremendous, ze heet zat s'all for ze run of ze home go avec rapidement! John Evers Hero, here! What d'ya call that stuff? You're supposed to fool the batter, not to tip him off! Corporal Lassagne Ah, Monsieur Evairs! Ees eet zat I s'all deceive mon capitain zat has been as a gros oncle to me zese four years? Zat vould be ze ingratitude horrible! Mike Donlin Ho, ho! Haw! haw! Oh John, learn something new wouldn't that be great to pull at the Polo Grounds? Captain Partonnais Ze Monsieur Evairs, he ees of Tightness, oui. Eet ees al la game of ze sport, mon cap-oral. cap-oral. Peetch ze ball, but tell me not vat ees ze peetch! ' Corporal Lassagne Zen, avec votro pardon, mon capitain, acceptez-la! L Mike Donlin One strike! Colonel Dieuxtemps Sacre! Sap-risti Sap-risti Ah, Monsieur Dongling, zat ball eet go so far outside ze plate! Captain Partonnais Monsieur Dongling, Dong-ling, wlz ze bat ten feet long I could not zat ball have encountered! General Huilller Doubtless Monsieur Mon-sieur Dongling make ze small mees-take. mees-take. Eet ees unfortunate zat ve niake ze objec'! Monsieur Dorjkling vill pardon ze objection. John Evers Hey, lookaltefe! That's no way to kick about a raw decision! Make him know you are kicking! Stand up for your rights! Kick, I tell you, kick! Captain Partonnais Ah, Monsieur - , Bvairs, non, non! Ees eet zat ve s'all keeck ze so-good Monsieur Dongling, who make ze sacrifice of ze time so precious to zis ball game umpire? Ah, non, non! I repent zat I make ze objec. I embrace ze Monsieur Dong-ling Dong-ling on ze both cheek! Mike Donlin Help! Help! Getaway from me! Somebody gimme a bat! What's this I've got into, I wanta know? John Evers Haw haw, haw haw, ho ho, hee hee! (Rolls on ground.) Captain Partonnais Ouch! Ouch! -Mille tonnerres! I am smitten wiz ze ball! Corporal Lassagne Ah, mon capi-tain capi-tain ze t'ousand pardons! Ze ball accurst, ac-curst, eet deceive me I try to fiow ze out-curve, but I forget, I forget I t'row instead ze in-curve, an ze ball eet strike mon noble capitain! Captain Partonnais Eet already ees forgot. Embrace me, mon caporal! (They kiss each other.) John Evers Wonder how that would go over home. Can you imagine Heinle Zimmerman kissing Jim Vaughn after Jim sunk a fast one in his shape? (Curtain.) |