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Show zz.,. . IBB The Truth at Last. I "General," said tho shado of Emor son, "I should llko to know tho true story of thnt cherrytrco eplsodo." "Well, It wns this way," replied the shade of Gen. Washington. "Papa aid to mo: 'Gcorgo, did you cut down that prune seratlna?' 'No, papa,' said I. 'I cannot tell a lie. I did not.' And there tho Incident closed. You sec, tho tree was not a pruno seratlna at all, but a prune cernsus." True to Nature, Nervous Brldgo Player (doprecat Ingly playing cards) I really don't know what to play. I'm afraid of making mak-ing a fool of myself. Lady Partner (reassuringly) That's nil right. I don't boo what else you could have done. Punch. NO OBSTACLE. My daughter will got a cool million for her dowry.'' "Oh, that doesn't matter lovo overcomes all." Wise Papa. 8ho Papa bellovcs In tho pleasures of anticipation. He Do you agree with him? Sho Oh, yes, Indeed. In tho sum raer he promises to buy mo a sealskin coat tho following winter If I'll glvo up going to tho seaside, and In the winter ho promises to send mo to tho seaside tho following summer If I'll glvo up tho sealskin coat. So, you see, I am alwnys happy. Jupiter Nodding. "Shakospcaro Is all wrong." mut tered tho lending man to tho soubretto as tho star walked out In front to tnko tho call meant for tho chief nctors. "In what particular?" asked tho soubrcttc. "Tho fault Is In ourselves that wo arc underlings," angrily replied tho leading man as ho watched tho monopoly mo-nopoly In front of tho footlights. A Joke on Him. "What's old mnn Groucher kicking about?" asked tho hardwaro dealer. "Wanted ten pounds o' nails," replied re-plied tho clerk, "an' wouldn't trust us to send 'om. Insisted on taking them with him." "Huh! I hopo ho'll sweat for It." "I'll bet ho will. I sneaked flvo or bIx extra pounds of 'cm lu tho pack-ago." pack-ago." " i A Domestic Note. Teto do Veau took n nowspnpor from his pocket, chuckling. "Look here," he snld. "Look at this advertisement Smith has In tho personal per-sonal column. 'Como back and I'll bo kinder.' When did his wifo leave, do you know?'" "It Isn't his wife," L'Olgnon nn-swored. nn-swored. "Its his cook." Not Evenly Matched. "Havo you anything to say why scntenco should not bo pronounced upon you?" asked tho Judgo. "Nothing, your honor, except thnt I hopo you will inako nllownnco for the fact that tho lawyer who convicted mo had a louder voico than tho ono who defended mo." Milwaukee Sentinel. Over and Over. "Woll," said Morrell, speaking of tho demlso of a mutual friend, "n mnn enn only dlo once, nnd " "I don't know nbout thnt," Interrupted Inter-rupted Wiseman. "I seo by tho papers that tho youngest drummor hoy to enter tho union scrvlco Is dead again." Their Intelligence. "Ah, thoy seem to bo two souls with but n slnglo thought," remarked the sad-faced man oyelng tho couplo on .their honeymoon. "Well," said tho bachelor, "I sometimes some-times think thoy havo oven less than that." Him F'rlnstance. Tho Downy Ono Bah Jovo, y' know, they used to tax men who raised mustnehes In Queen Elizabeth's tlmo. Tho Protty Ono Woll. It nppears to tax somo men I know to do it now. Great Provocation. "You say, madam, that you wcro under great excitement when you struck this woman." , "Yes, sho had Just found tho family Dihlo with my nco In It." Keeping Afloat. A month had passed slnco tho countess count-ess hod sued for divorce. A week had gono by slnco tho papors had montloncd mon-tloncd tho affair. "My dear," said tho count, "can't you fllo amended papers or something? some-thing? Wo'vo got to keep In tho swim, you know." Thereupon tho lawyers wore sot to work afresh. A Bitter View. Lovatt "It's funny that lovo stories should Invnriably end with tho mar-rlago mar-rlago of tho hero and heroine." Henpock "Why so?" Lovatt "Becauso tint's really only the beginning of tholr Dyes." Honpcck "Thnt may bo, but It's tho end of tho lovo story." In Effect. "Why, Sllbbles," wo sny to our friend, In surprise, when wo seo him pulling nt a big, fat cigar, "didn't you swear off smoking tho first of tho year. Didn't you vow not to smoko nnother cigar for five years?" "Yes," ho replies, blowing out n huge cloud of smoke. "Yes, I did. and say, it seems to mo to bo nbout ten years slnco I swore off." Almost. "Tnlk about dreams coming truo I drenmed last night that a burglar entered en-tered my room, took my watch from tho dresser and snenked out before I could catch him. I woko up, Jumped out of bed nnd looked for tho watch." "Was It gono?" "No, but It wns going." John's Llmb-itatlons. "Do you think John will grow any tailor?" "I hopo not." "Why?" "Ho's nlmost too tall now for his father's old pants." One of the Many. Hicks Does sho tako In boarders. Wicks Sh-h! Don't speak so loud. But between you nnd mo "tnko In" Is Just tho phrase. Unexpected Indorsement. Unelo Jerry Peobles was looking over the list of "amended spellings" recommended by tho roformors. "Good land!" ho exclaimed, "I don't seo nothln' strnngo In thorn words. That's tho way I'vo alius spelled 'em." A Pearl, She. Harry (lu department storo) How would this book, "Gems of Thought," do for Bollo's birthday? Maude I'm afraid that Belle Is mere given to thoughts of gems. So He Might. "I seo that Edison Indorses this PH now scheme of special foods to atlm- BH tilnte tho brain to do certain linos of BP BBfl "That PPJ "Yes, but ho'll have to make a dem- onstrntlon of Its efneacy beforo 1 in- BB PPJ "But whnt sort of a demonstration BBJ could ho make that would be con- BH Ph "Ho might cat a hunk of angol food BH and Invent a flying machine" BBfl Probably. BBB "What aro you crying for?" BH "I fell down on tho lco and papa BH laughed at me." BH "But that's nothing to cry nbout." BH "I know It, and I nln't crying about BH that; but papa fell down on tho lco BH nnd I laughed at him." BBJ "Well, I wouldn't cry about that. BjB BPJ "You would If you got tho spankln' BBJ I got." Houston Post. PBJ Take a Bottle or Two. BH Rimer Havo you read any of flBJ thoso versified advertisements I'm BH writing for "Phlsslck's Pink Pan- BBJ PBJ Crlttlck Yes, and thoy make me BBJ BPJ Rimer Good. That's tho effeot I BB want them to havo. It helps tho sale BBS of tho "Panacea." Wedded to His Art .H "What has becomo of punkllne, tho flBB BH "Oh, ho's quit tho poetry business BBJ and gono into tho artificial gas busl- BBJ BBB "Why did ho do that?" BH "Ho was Just determined to make BH his fortuno scanning meters." Kan- BH sns City Times. BBJ Best He Could Do. "You know," snld tho young man la, BBJ the case, "that I am poor, but don't BJ you think we might bo able to lire on flBJ bread and chceso and kisses?" "Yes," replied the fair maid, "but" BH "Then," ho Interrupted, "see If you BBJ can work your father for tho bread and BBJ chceso and I'll attend to the rest." BJ "Farmers," announced the fair vlsl- BBJ tor from tho city, "are Just as dls- flBJ honest ns city milkmen." BBJ "How d'ye mnko that out?" asked BB her host. BBJ "Why, I saw your hired man this BBJ morning water every ono of tho cows BBJ beforo ho milked them." BBJ Nothln' Doln. Jack I proposed to Miss Straight- BBJ laco tho other ovenlng, and sho In- BBJ slstcd on my giving up drinking, BBJ Brooking nnd automnblllng on Sun- B PBJ Tom Well? BH Jack So I gave up tho Idea of mar rylng hor. BB One of Its Uses. B "After nil," said tho morallzer, BBB "what's tho good of monoy, anyway?" BBlj "Woll," replied tho demoralizer, "It enables n man who has it to keep away from tho pcoplo from whom he could not keep away If he didn't have BH Mary I hear Miss Olden la engage! to a man who Mammors. fjrl'E Jnno Yes. Ho was trying to say "dear me," but sho didn't lot him get nny further than "dear." ij'i'V; Just a Crank. . "What did that new arrival want?" IfM asked St. Peter. "Ho asked me If I knew where he fMv could get hold of four old hnlos," re piled tho attendant angel. "Ho says Bj' ho wants to try nnd build an auto," MM A Mistake In Lives. "Aren't you afraid, Mabel, to spend your llfo with that sixty-year-old duf BH Mabel (looking over her trousseau) His llfo, mother, not mine. BJ 'BBl r : liiii),). t BBBBBl |