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Show JOHN HENRY ON BUTTING IN BY HUGH McHUGH (George V. Hobart) IN THE HAND-PAINTED BKANEKY. Of course If a fellow hat a lady friend that's a dead swell looker he's always anxious to crab her by the elbow and leau her In among the rest of the promenaderi. I'm out to wager two or more seven-dollar seven-dollar bills that when it comes to face and form my lady friend has the rest of the bunch looking like the wallflowers wall-flowers at a Choctaw cotillion. She's the nag from the starter. She's the only mirror on the mantle-piece believe mcl I took her down the lano to. ono of those swell grub stations the other night and since then every time 1 thin about It I feel like getting up and ordering or-dering myself out of the room. Being somewhat of a monoy hater mysolf, of courso I'm' wise to enough pikers to fill a ploughed field. Just as sure bb I stride Into a fancy feed-store with nothing on my mind but a desire to act llko a gentleman and buy hot cookies for tho Best and Only I'm doomeu to meet a bunch of sawdust sports who want to leave tholr own tables and assoclato with mo. Of courso they only do It Just bo-causo bo-causo thoy havo elastic In their ncckB. Thoy expect an Introduction to tho Beautiful Girl and nftcr gottlng It they've figured It out to hand her a lino of, conversation that will charm hor to a standstill and' mako tho Man bIio'b With look llko a dried apple. And ovcry mother's son of them talks llko ho'd boon struck in tho grammar by a ferryboat. Anyway, I took my lady frlond to a sumptuous soup-houBo tho othor evening even-ing for dinner. I'vo Just ordcrod four-dollar's four-dollar's wortn off the card and wo'ro sitting thero .n the hand-painted bean-cry bean-cry chatting pleasantly and waiting for tho 'longshoreman to Journey back with tho oysters. Up to our taoio comes Able Slulco-bcrtfur. Slulco-bcrtfur. Ablo has a great pull all along tho lino becauso tho plcturo of an undo of his nung In tho Hall of Fame for noarly an hour beforo the Janitor got on to It and throw It out. Ablo puts a linnd on each corner of tho tnblo nnd leans over with all tho graco peculiar to a soft shell crab. "Hello, John Henry!" says Ablo. I bow and give him a Klondiko grin, but ho ducks and comes up happy. "Eatin'?" Inquires Able. "No, Able," I answered, Just to put blm wIbo to tho fact that a swift walkaway walk-away would do us all good. "No; tve'ro not eating Wo Just droppod In to play a fow hands of bridge whist with tho waiter nnd ho s gono to got i deck of cards. Wo nover como Into si restaurant to cat. Usually wo drop Ic during tho rush hours and holp tho I I "LOIID HOPE." proprietor peol tho oystors. On this occasion, howover, wo'ro out for a dickens of a spree bo wo vo decided to play bridge with tho waiter." "Quit your Joshln', John Honryl ' says Ablo; "you'ro getting to bo a worso kiddor than BUI McConnell!" Aftor a whllo Ablo notlcos that It's up to him to fondle a florce frost, so ho backs out. "Who's your frlond?" Inquires Clara Jane, after Able had mosoyed away. Now, you know, a follow can't confess con-fess to tho Original Package of Swootnoss Swoot-noss that he's entered In tho samo raco with a lot of $3 goats, On tho lovol, now, can ho? It wns my cue to mako n Big I'luy. I had to got gabby and mako Clara Jtno bellovo I associated only with j ' Torrid Tamales. And did I? Oh I ask mo easy Just to toaso mol "Who! that.?' I says, after I fished for a fow French-frlod potatoes; "why that's Lord Hope." My lady friend dropped her knifo S and fork and gave me tho statled gate. I never whimpered. Oh, scold me! scold met "Lord Hope! ' saye she. "Why, John Henry, you never told me yon knew Lord Hope!" "Didn't I?" I says; "my! my! how thoughtless! Weill that's His Lordship Lord-ship all right, all right!" Clara Jane thought a while and I carved my Initials on a slivor of celery. ' "But you called him Ablet" says she, after a pause. "Sure thing!" I says; "what else? Want mo to call him Mose or Rosey or Meyer or Ikey? He's not Irish." "I can't Imaglno an English nobleman noble-man being called Able," says my lady friend, for sho's a first rato Bellover by nature, but a Doubter when the dlco roll her I was beginning to foel Just about as happy as a hard-boiled egg, but I was In up to my neck and I couldn't holler for help. "Englishmen have queer names, especially es-pecially noblemen. Say! won't you havo a charlotte russe or an apple fritter? frit-ter? It'll do you good!" I says, hoping hop-ing to swing tho conversation closo enough to tho shoro so that I could Jump oft and tako to the timbor. My finish was ringing tno door boll. Just then Mlko McGuire strolled Into tho neighborhood and wanted to hang up his hat on my hook. Onco In a whllo Mike breaks Into a theater and trios to act till some ono catches htm with tho goods. Then ho apologizes, backs out of his harness and is up and away to the swamps. "Good evening! " says Mlko, pushing push-ing out the familiar list. I'm right back at him with a short-arm short-arm nod of recognition, and in a mtnuto I'm busy with my boans. "Foodln', I sco!" says Mlko, wishing wish-ing to show my lady frlond that his powors of observation are strictly homo-mado. I gavo him a loolc that I figured would comb hlB hair, but no's out to mako n deep Impression on Clara Jano so my haughty expression didn't finish ono, two, three Boforo I can got back from tho breakaway I find him reciting tho sad story of his life nnd watching my lady friend to seo If sho enjoys light Mora-turo. Mora-turo. "Oh, yes," says McGuire, "I do so lovo th stnee. I'vo been pinying tho Provinces for eighteen wcoks as Hotspur, Hot-spur, tho Boy Hero, In Bon Hur, and I was tho hit of tho show!" Two to ono ho was out doing tho potato plantations with a No. 3 Unc Tom's Cam. Co. About nil that guy could mix with Is a pared of Undo Tommors. Finally, after writing about four chapters and gottlng his lifo lines crossed with Gcorgo Washington, Manny Frlond, John McCullough and Tod Sloan, ho begins to notlco that tho wind Is blowing chill across tho wild moor so ho slgnnls tho conductor and hops off tho wagon. "Who was that?" Inquiries ray lady frlond, as McGuire amblos back to his own table. "Thnt," I says; "Oh! that was tho Earl of Ynrmouth." Clara Jano handed mo a swift glance, thon sho pattod hor hat-pins nnd grahbod hor glovos. "Cno along, John Henry!" says sho, "King Edwnrd will bo horo In a mlnuto and aftor what I'vo reed about him I don't think I caro to moot him. Let's go homo." .Sho wins In a whisper. It'll tako throo wcoks to squaro myself. Horcaftor, mo to Donnottst Mo to tho stack o' wheats symposium whoro tho rest of tho entries stick to tholr stalls. Whoro tho outsldo conversation conversa-tion Is conflnod to "Draw ono!" and "Boll two, meojum!" No moro swell Sandwich Salons for me, whoro tho grafters want to butt In nil tho whllo. Oh I scold mol scold mol (Copyright, 1901, by a. W. Dillingham Co.) |
