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Show Thanksgiving 2007 [THE RIVALRY Top 10 why the UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE, # 1 0 We already employ lots of self-directed, enthusiastic people & we want more! # 9 We anticipate a crazy-busy holiday mailing season unparalleled in the entire universe # 8 We have 3 shifts avai table for you to choose from...4AM, 2PM, 10PM # 7 We pay $13.80 per hr plus night differential, overtime pay, and no test to take! # 6 We've got blank application forms just laying around...come on in and fill one out # 5 We'd love to see you at USPS Personnel, 1760 W 2100, Salt Lake City UT 84199-4920 # 4 We are open in Personnel on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays from 8AM-4PM # 3 Did we mention we'll have lots of mail?! # 2 WE NEED YOU! # 1 WE REALLY NEED YOU!! Call 974-2213 or Come In & See Us! SHATTUCK continued from Page 25 that drives some people to transfer the backward way. The following are some of those reasons: • Those curious about the doctrine of Satan's plan in LDS theology—i.e. all decisions already made—can now actually experience such a plan at BYU. • Speaking of having all decisions pre-made, attend BYU and receive a free lobotomy—but without the surgery. • Iron-clad guarantee of marriage for all students—even for students who happen to be "gay," "already married" or "dead." • Automatic enrollment in Mitt Romney's presidential campaign—no paperwork needed. • College credit for religion classes at BYU is accepted at more than 2 percent of universities nationwide. That's at least 2 above zero percent. • The Princeton Review has given BYU the honor of being the nation's "No. 1 stone-cold sober school" for several years in a row—a prestigious honor that helps BYU students when applying to schools such as BYU. • BYU Events Staff patrol all school dances for free to prevent Honor Code violations which also cuts down on terrorist attacks. • Apartments are checked for cleanliness at least twice a semester for those who miss "the way mother would make sure my room was clean"—and also for those who don't. • Single women no longer need to worry about dating theater students—the guess- •' work is completely removed, as gay people don't actually exist. • BYU's neighbor to the west, Fat Cats, promises at least 12 or 13 minutes of bacchanallian fun. • Bearded students who require a "beard card" for medical or non-LDS religious reasons might be ostracized—but at least they'll have an extra card in their wallet, making them look super-rich. • Those who've always believed that "God doesn't love those who'drink coffee" are in good company. • BYU has been rated in the past for being a "good-value" school—perfect for those who apply the same adjectives to their college as they do to fast food. As one can see, the reasons for transferring to BYU are large in number. There might be many people who, like me, have also made the migration north and transferred to the U. But we must remember to not be bitter toward those who choose to make a "backwards relocation," a "regressive migration" or a "transfer from the U to BYU." Although I might not possess even one unbiased bone in my body when it comes to BYU, I'm willing to accept the fact that some people might choose BYU instead of finer, more prestigious schools. I just wish the rest of me would accept such reasons. letters@ chronicle, u tah.edu SI' Nl()( lift is an imaginative look at the impact of pose-consumer waste through the creation of a r t w o r k made from discarded objects and materials gathered from SF Recycling and Disposal in San Francisco. rice" and y£-i. -IJ • 4 ] i D.w 11) hi \ui Ml A\Di:n\o\: to MtHlh'ts (it\\YI\ is a new installation of this sculptor's response to a painter based upon the flower paintings of the late Northwest painter, Morris Graves. M\SII:RS or H/.sy i'tnsr AWI-MIUM,!. & Coih\(,f; honors the important contributions of six artists - known as the 'original scavengers' internationally recognized as some of the most innovative and influential practitioners. |
