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Show This would enable (Griffith's) four passengers to avoid dying in three death traps. The first is Skull Hole, where a huge standing wave formed by a large rock catches, holds and kills people’ in an over-and-over tumbling motion similar to a clothes dryer. The raft also must avoid the Room of Doom, which kills people every year in more a washing machine spin-cycle fashion. The story gains momentum as a “freak eddy” sucks Griffith's raft into the “wrong approach lane” and it plummets into the skull hole with Cannon in the left front! (I could barely stand the suspense, and the Trib even utilized the time-honored journalistic tease of making me turn the page to find out what happened!) One spectator swears she thought she heard Cannon bellowing as the boat disappeared into the gaping maw of brown fury that IS SKULL RAPID, something that sounded uncannily like Hellillip - Mr. Wizard! All aboard somehow survived. Alas though, Cannon not only failed to punch the tube, he also neglected to take his ceremonial swipe with the ceremonial paddle. The group then re-grouped and floated out yakking amiably about the failure to give Westwater its unquestionably well-deserved status as a Wild and Scenic River over the past 30 years. A good story--yes? But not the whole story. Utilizing its full array of incomprehensible resources, the Zephyr has uncovered a wild, dark but somehow touching plot...that almost worked. After negotiating most of Westwater Canyon, Griffith's boat paused in “cocaine cove” (indulgences not disclosed), ostensibly to once more go over her plan to avoid the three imminent death traps for only the 7,000" time in her career. It was here that a whacko unnamed eco-terrorist spiked Cannon's Mountain Dew with GHB (the date-rape drug) and surreptitiously loosened his life-jacket while feigning a good old Congressional back scratch. Griffith then eased out, got caught in the “freak eddy” (lined up wrong) and went whooshing front first into the hole (missed her stroke). Cannon was-to have been washed out, maytagged and tumbled dry—thereafter to sleep with the (endangered) fishes. But things went wrong as they so often do in lame-brained eco-terrorist plots. Cannon was supposed to have been on the front-right side of the boat, thereby increasing the odds that he would be sucked into the Room of Doom. He was also instructed several times to lay” over or, as applies to hizzoner, “paunch the tube” so he would be washed out. Instead he lost his glasses, cringed on the raft floor and stayed in the boat. Drizzle, Drazzle, Drezzle, Darnit...With Cannon's bleached bones circling for all time and eternity in the Room of Doom, Wild and Scenic River designation would have been ass Postscript from the Zephyr Legal Department: We believe Messrs. Russell and Cannon may be sharing the same medication. The Good Stuff: ‘ The Moab Arts Festival had a fine showing over Memorial Day week-end. After several consecutive washouts, the fest was moved to the MARC at 1™ North and 1" East. Consequently, of course, it didn't rain. Instead, it got blisteringly hot, and one had to feel a twinge of sympathy for the vendors hawking their wares on baked asphalt. Nonetheless, it was a coulda-shoulda-woulda look at what Main Street might have been with a little to tank as soon as a hotel or fast-food joint occupies the last open space, and everyone has jobs tending absentee owners' 2", 3°4 or 4" homes, and put their own hovels in the rental pool. The bugs are enormous, intelligent and breed at unprecedented rates. STILES’ CORNER Trams & Gateways & Tourism & Activism... Two issues seem to be on the minds of Moabites recently. First the tram, which after $2 million in construction costs and overruns, sits idle on the north end of town like some abandoned ghost town oil derrick. Its owners are either, 1) quibbling over the future of their goofy enterprise, or 2) have run out of money. No one with a vested interest is speaking clearly and succinctly on the topic. And now it appears the tramway people never posted the reclamation bond that was required to get county approval. But it really doesn’t matter. Nobody is going to tear that tram down. Bond or no bond. If these guys have to sell their contraption at a huge loss, if the owners, future or current, have to run the tram one day a year just to beat the requirements of the reclamation bond, that is what they'll do. Barring a miracle, that eyesore is going to be out there for a_long, long time. I found some comments by Grand County Council Chairperson Kimberly Schappert particularly bewildering. In a Salt Lake Tribune article on the tram by Lisa Church, Schappert said, "It’s (the north end of Moab) going to be developed, so the question becomes what sort of look do we want that area to have, which is the gateway to Moab. Sometimes it takes projects like this to give people a kick in the pants to get going on planning." That would have been a dynamic comment by an elected official if it had been made ten years ago, or six years ago, or even four years ago. But isn’t it a bit late to be worrying about the appearance of Moab’s northern "gateway?" Schappert’s "sort of look" has already been decided...it’s a tram and a waterslide and a concrete motel and a giant commercial campground and another motel under construction. : Sure there are a few blank spots left out there, particularly the big field across from the Ranch House. Twenty years ago, we used to watch thousands of Canadian Geese gather in that meadow during the winter. No more. And unless the County and City are prepared to take serious action, that field will be lost to more concrete condos shopping centers. and faux adobe . 1don’t see that happening. But I do agree with Schappert thata lot of Grand County citizens are furious right now. We’re all beginning to look like a bunch of prostitutes. Is there anything we won't do for money? I’ve told the story before, but this town, when it gets mad enough has forced significant and positive change. I’m fairly confident that, for instance, this community could tighten its zoning ordinances through referendum-—a vote by the people. When Grand County stopped the toxic waste incinerator in 1988, we voted to prohibit that kind of use in a particular commercial zone that had previously allowed it. We could do it again. © For me, the north end of town is lost...the horse pastures, the old cottonwood trees, the unmarred cliffs...they’re gone. But thereis still a lot of untrampled ground elsewhere that | foresight. Speaking of theMARC though, what a fantastic facility that has turned out to bef Just —n And speaking of activism and participation, please allow me to show my age for a goes to show you what a little investment and faith in local talent can produce. If the City minute, but I’m feeling grouchy and disgusted this morning even if it is “The Good News and County governments performed at anywhere near the level of the MARC or Marcy Issue." Till's recreation department, this town would hum likea gyroscope. If you want more bang for your tax bucks, lobby to give both more money. And speaking of community assets...Moab's local all-volunteer public radio station, KZMU 89.7 & 106.1 FM, raised an incredible $25,000+ during its spring radio-thon. The list of mostly small donors constituted a substantial portion of the Moab phone book-- just as it should be. That level of support resonates with acceptance, enthusiasm, credibility, improved programming, and karma that can only be generated by over 10,000 annual volunteer hours suffused with kind and kindred spirit. Kudos to the Colonel. I have a question: Is there anyone out there under the age of 30 who gives a damn about any of these issues? Are there any of you Gen X/Yers who regard yourselves as environmentalists? I know there are plenty of "recreationists" in this town. But I’m not talking about that vast Moab sub-culture that plays extreme sports and sees every rock as a climbing challenge and drinks a lot of espresso. Are there any of you under 30 who experience the kind of outrage I described on page two? If you're out there, and I suspect The wind has let up--a little. The temperature will only be above 110 F. for most of the each other. You may have kindred spirits in this town that you don’t know exist. You guys could form the activist core of a group with a lot greater interest in Moab’s Summer, and there will actually be days where the high doesn't hit triple figures. Moab really just isn't that great of a place to live, despite what you may have heard. There will definitely not be any 2002 Olympic Tickets available here, and the construction boom is sure you are, albeit in small scattered numbers, please contact me. I'm serious. 1 want to know who you are. It’ll make me feel better and more importantly, I want to introduce you to future than I have. After all, you’re going to be here a lot longer. Call me. Email me. Stop by the house. Do something From Sandstone Entertainment in Grand Jct... Robert Earl Keen, Jr....sidsy, Augost 47:30pm Grand River Vineyards Winery, 1:70 Exit 42, Palisade...20, under 12 free The Amazing Rhythm Accs...s:. Avgos'12.7:0pm Adams Mark Hotel Beergarden, 743 Horizon Dr., Grand Jct.. $20, under 12 free Little Feat... :rhorsday. September 14, 7:30pm Avalon Theatre, 645 Main St.. Grand Jct. $25 Reserved Gr cS Brown...with Steve Forbert... Thurs, Oct 5, 7:30pm Avalon Theatre, 645 Main St. Grand Jct., $20 Reserved The Tommy Dorsey Orchestra... Thurs, October 12, 7:30pm Avalon Theatre, 645 Main St. Grand Jct.. $20 Reserved For more information: 970.243.TIXS (8497) www.sandstoneconcerts.com |