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Show TAKE IT OR LEAVE YTV. By Jim Stiles GOOD NEWS: A Recurring Zephyr Theme ’ were similarly infuriated, the world would be a better place to A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with one of my favorite advertisers, a hopelessly cheery woman who I adore. But live?" "Something like that." I was shocked almost to tears when she accused me and this "Nobody will ever believe it." publication of being too negative. "Probably not." (Here we go again...) Negative?...ME? "You'll never believe this," I told her, "But I am one of the most optimistic people you will ever meet." She thought that was pretty funny. After she’d caught her THE TOP TEN ‘GOOD NEWS’ MOAB HIGHLIGHTS Ok...so maybe outrage isn’t always appropriate. After weeks breath and Id helped her off the floor where she was writhing in and months of careful study and evaluation, I’ve prepared a list convulsive laughter, I attempted to explain myself. to show just how optimistic this publication can be. The "Good "Look," I said. "Do you know what I think one of the most —_ News" highlights of our beloved Moab, Utah. ' striking and significant characteristics of an optimistic person is?" She shook her head dubiously. "Outrage," I told her. “Controlled and properly applied outrage." My friend ran her hand across her face as she uncomfortably —_ shifted from foot to foot. "What in the world are you talking about?" she asked. She gazed at me with studied bewilderment. _ "Okay...stay with me a minute. Do you mind if I sitdown?" _ Now she was really worried. “How long is this going to take?" 1. We ONLY have two trams. It could be worse. You want to laugh at the idea of a third tram? We've laughed before... 2. New Stoplights! In the not so distant future, 18-wheel truckers hauling radioactive waste to the White Mesa Mill in San Juan County will be able to ignore NEW stoplights indowntown Moab. The Utah Department of Transportation is in the process of installing new lights at three Moab intersections. The bigger, brighter, and significantly more obvious lights will probably make no difference whatsoever to the heavy trucks who consistently shoot through yellow/red lights at speeds exceeding "Not long. You'll be out of here by noon." the limit. And it will probably make little if any difference to the "But it’s only nine-thirty!" Moab P.D. either. So it’s still a free-for-all. If you get pulled over "Okay...eleven. Please listen to me...In this crazed world of _ by a cop for a similar infraction, just say, "The BIG TRUCKS do ours, when we see ing around us that wethink __it...why can’t I?" is wrong, we have two choices: we can either act to change them; 3. Nobody has shot Herb McHarg. In the grand tradition of Scott or we can simply accept them and prepare for the consequences. | Groene, Moab’s SUWA rep continues to tirelessly defend public "Only by being outraged, will any of us make the effort or lands and push for a decent Utah wilderness bill. But how can take the time to do the right thing. Outrage led to the Declaration of Independence and the Emancipation Proclamation and anybody with such a kid face be a pugnacious watchdog? Because looks can be deceiving, Rrrrrf. Women’s Suffrage and the Civil Rights Act. Outrage created the 4. The Moab Diner Lives On. With the Moab invasion of every Wilderness Act and the Clean Air Act. It was when people got _ national fast food franchise known to. western civilization, the I am not a pessimist; : if to i ss where it exists is, ‘in my opinion, es a form of optimism. mad enough...outraged enough to take action, that any of these Moab Diner has not only survived as a small town, changes occurred." independently-owned cafe, it has flourished. Good food, fast and “Haven’t you written about this before?" friendly service, at a reasonable price. The Diner appeals to "Probably, but it’s a recurring theme that should be re-stated — everyone, from oldtime Moabites to Aspen Yupsters. And it is from time to time." THE RESTAURANT OF CHOICE for Dr. Richard Ingebretsen of My friend sighed and sat down next to me. "I sort of see your _ the Glen Canyon Institute (interviewed elsewhere in this issue). point, but I just can’t stand all the pessimism that comes from 5. Bill Hedden is Running for the County Council Again. Hedden environmentalists like you. It just never stops.” was one of the Original Seven citizens to be elected to the new "That's not true and you know it," I said defensively. "First of county council form of government after the referendum of 1992. all, you know that the Zephyr can be one of the silliest and He served bravely and honestly for four years and now returns dumbest publicatioris that ever had the nerve to reproduce. There tg the political ring. Anywhere else inAmerica, Bill would be our are all kinds of ‘comic relief’ to break the grimness. U.S. Congressman--he’s that talented. pau cacdd -asttl i ee yo Want melo 6. Moab Cops Crack Down on Cell Phone Motorists. A friend of tell you what a real pessimist sounds like?" I challenged. mine recently got popped for speeding on Main Street while "Uh...not really," she replied. : ._., , yakking on a cell phone. He’s convinced it was the phone that "Okay, I'll tell you anyway. My idea of a pessimist is Cooked his goose and I say: Good Job Moab P.D. but what if somebody who hears about a new tram in Moab or another you're a trucker chatting on a cell phone? condo development or another bonehead move by a Utah 7. Steen Proclaims Big “G" Moab’s Oldest Billboard. When a Congressman and hears the outrage from others and puts his vandal (or vandals) obliterated the historic Big G emblem last hands over his ears and says, ‘Like...this is all so NEGATIVE. I month, those fatheads opened a can of squirmy worms. Mark think this kind of negative energy is, like, really sad. I can find ¢toen, owner of the land upon which the "G" was emblazoned, such happiness in my organic garden and taking hikes with my ~_cjaims that, "next to the Atlas Tailings Pile, nothing has greater friends and just being, like...happy. I mean, like, I recycle. Why sentimental value to me and my family than the Big ’G.”" can’t you people just be happy? There are still nice places to hike. Steen intends to restore the familiar white letter. In fact, he You3 can’t stop any of this anyway, so, like, why make yourselves : may even expand the site to include any letter that anyone a : ee g 3 wants...at a price. Steen believes that, in sect, the Big "G" is Now that is a pessimistic person...someone in such denial \gab’s oldest billboard. I envision a big..."Z that they refuse to acknowledge the reality around them, and the 8. Rural Net "Service" in Moab. as internet provider, responsibility to defend the very things that they allegedly find Rural Net, the company run by hamsters, ONLY disconnects its most precious in their lives. It’s stumbling through life with customers from the Internet about two-thirds of the time.-In "blinders on. It’s ignoring the obvious. It’s outrageous and hypocritical to boot! Roberto Rossellini "On the other hand, someone who is outraged enough to act believes that things can get better. That positive change is possible. That it’s worth the screaming and elevated blood — pressure to see something through to its conclusion, win or lose." baseball, a batting average of .333 would be really good and after getting constantly disconnected from the Internet by Rural Net, | often want to hit them with a baseball bat. 9. Bob's Sanitation Still Has the City Garbage Contract. After all. tha years of fighting and bickering, Bob Hawks has the contract again and...what a relief. Let’s not do any more switching. If it’s "I never say ‘like’ in a sentence," she glared. costing more, I could care less. The service is honest and reliable "My dear friend, I’m not even talking about you. Your grasp —_and that means everything. Or at least it should. of the English language is to be commended and I know you have a great passion for right and wrong. I was creating a hyperbolic stereotypical generalization to make a point. Just don’t assume that outrage is a bad thing. It has its place." So the bottom line is: you're a positive upbeat optimist because rae constantly ae and ee and if the world 10. IT’S STILL BLOODY HOT! Look at it this way, if it was always a cool and breezy 72 degrees, even Moab’s most voracious entrepreneurs would be screaming, “Enough already!" as the town succumbed completely to the tourists. The heat may make 4s crazy but it keeps the town saner than it would be otherwise. - |