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Show you CAN'T GO WRONG WITH A DOG EXCEPT FOR THOSE DAMN PEKINESE BECAUSE WHEN THEY GET UPSET. THEIR EVES POP OUT BY JIM STILES But the dog. The DOC! That was going too damn' far. Some of the other law enforcement rangers were furious that a real citation hadn't been issued. With a FINE Superintendent Nod Poe by golly! Even the normally "If been that me had collar. it was steamed under the caught them," he is alleged to have muttered to a friend of mine, "they wouldn't have gotten off so easy." Maybe they should have just burned us at the stake and been done with it But to put it in perspective, take a look at this. Below is a picture of Bruce. The kids, like all kids, loved the dog end I just went to say this, right now, that regardless of what they say about it, wefre going to keep the dog ." mild-mannere- Richard M. Nixon those of you who were reading this newspaper in the autumn of 1995, you remember may my attempt to get arrested by the National Park Service during the federal shutdown last November. I drove all over Arches National Park and coukl not find a ranger to place me in custody. But there was a second chapter to that effort which never found its way into the pages of this newspaper until now. During the second shutdown in December, my good friend Dr. Jeff Woods arrived from Wales and knowing how much he loved Arches National Park, I decided to break the rules again. Jeff was accompanied by his 110 pound dog Bruce; the two of them are inseparable (although Jeff insists they're "just good friends"), and I didn't feel like arguing with him, so we loaded Bruce into the back of my Yuppie Scummobile and made our way illegally into the park via the Old Entrance Road. For But this time, I was luckier and I owe it all to Bruce. I am convinced that, had we not brought the dog along, we would have escaped unscathed yet again. But you see.. .rangers hate dogs. They can smell them. Even from a distance. It's some kind of instinctive thing with those people. It's wdrd. We were exploring the area near the Delicate Arch Viewpoint I wanted Jeff to see all the good things the NPS had done for (and to) Arches since his last visit After all, the new 15 mile road and associated viewpoints, bridges and parking lots only cost $4 million. Meanwhile; Bruce was doing what dogs do best; he was frolicking and exhibiting the kind of unrestrained happiness that all of us long for...as happy as a pig in a wallow..ihat was Bruce. I believe he had just put his nose in an antelope ground squirrel hole and snorted a couple of times when a voice cracked the stillness of this lovely winter day. It was Ranger Karen McKinley Jones in full combat gear and she'd caught us She was still more than a hundred yards away when she ordered us to return to the parking lot and we considered making a run for it, but then thought a few minutes later. Bruce came bounding out better of it. We met Karen all slobber over to of a ravine ready Ranger Jones' loden green pants, not to mention 9 her standard issue, Browning mm leather gun belt (complete with gun). To her credit Ranger Jones was as tolerant and patient as we had the right to hope for. She was, in fact downright pleasant (and besides I may, in the future, very well break park rules again, so there was nothing inappropriate about doing a little "sucking up" at this point). Karen issued me a "courtesy tag" for entering a "closed area," in this case the entire park. And she gave Jeff a verbal warning about the dog. We left humbly, promising that if we ever did return to the park while it was closed and let a dog run freely, we'd be more discreet about it In the days that followed, my Deep Throat inside sources told me there was quite an uproar over the incident (God, those rangers need some new hobbies). No one was particularly upset about the illegal entry; since the November article about my attempts to get arrested, the park people sort of expected me to try again. 'u i v--t srf.? ju1 even-temper- Actually it's a picture of Jeff and Bruce. Bruce is on the right Look at that happy, even beatific face. Look at those big brown trusting eyes. Look at that small kangaroo rat sticking out of the corner of his mouth... (That's a joke, rangers I could fed all of you reaching for your ticket books and wondering if this story amounted to a confession J But seriously, how is it possible that an animal like this can cause such outrage? It's time we took another look at dogs, the way they deserve to be looked at In fact, the question is, who really deserves the free reign of our national parks? Dogs or humans? Going further, who deserves a free reign of Mother Earth herself? Who ultimately will treat the planet and us, for that matter, with more respect, compassion, and kindness than a dog? "let dogs delight to bark and bite, for Cod hath made them so." Isaac Watts 1715 dead-to-righ- ts. face-to-fa- d, i To be specific so as to make my point; let's look at the Park Service's irrational hatred of dogs. Their complaint is that dogs are not a part of the natural park environment. They disrupt wildlife and trample the vegetation. They sometimes bark at night. And they crap on the trail when their owners thoughtlessly (and illegally) allow their dogs on the trail. That Is the sum total of their grievance. To each one of these complaints, I plead on behalf of my canine brothers and sisters: Guilty as charged. ..what's your j point? I mean...really guys.. Jb that the best can do? It me reminds of the song Alice's you Restaurant, when the sergeant asks Arlo if he's "moral enough to join the Army" after being convicted of throwing garbage in an undesignated area. Arlo replies, "You wanna know if I'm moral enough to join the Army, bum women and kids' houses and villages after bein' a litterbug...you gotta lotta damn galL" So here are the dogs, doing what comes naturally. After all, they're a hell of a lot closer to the natural world than we are. But dogs don't throw their beer cans out the window or carve their names on rocks. They don't drive vehicles across plow cryptobio tic soils, they don't whine about the cost of camping, and they don't plug up the toilets in the campground at 1 AM and then complain to the ranger to fix it. They didn't ask anyone to pave the park with miles and miles of asphalt so they could see it quicker, nor did they demand a visitor center or comfort stations. And they sure as hell didn t want to spend $4 million dollars on a new 15 mile road to the Delicate Arch Viewpoint. eel , a&jwkvm'i 2SI |
