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Show THE ZEPHYR/OCTOBER-NOVEMBER 2008 renewable energy resources. Solar, hydro and wind power technology must be advanced on all levels. Tax breaks and incentives will be offered to citizens who become part of the IF YOU WERE PREZ...continued solution instead of the problem. This government will partner with the people to become more efficient with the energy we consume offering incentive, for example, to those who invest in grid tied mini power stations. This kind of investment will reduce our dependence on fossil fuels. (4) Our nation will become the leaders on climate issues. Kyoto will be ratified and So-called “defense spending” -- what a misnomer. We'd do what we could to differen- built on. We must be a major player on this issue which will be solved globally and col- tiate between defense and not-so-defense. Space. Yes, let's start with a doubling of the small portion of national expenditures on lectively. As the main polluter we must change our ways. We have a moral responsibility to be a partner with our global neighbors to change our ways. the space (and beyond) program. Universal health care -- if not ‘universal,’ then step in that direction. (5) Reparations will begin to be paid to nations around the world we have damaged though our history of military intervention. We will assist in rebuilding the infrastructure we have destroyed around the world and give other nations the basis for allowing democracy to grow, through their participation in their own affairs. (6) Our returning military will be reassigned to domestic duties including border patrol and law enforcement. Wilderness, public lands: we need more, not less. And, come:on now -- this is MY prez-eye-dentchial phantasy, eh? -- doesn’t every administration have a WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF WE COULD DO THIS? list -- such as --> (1) dealing with idiots. Idiots with (1a) guns. (1b) motor vehicles. (1c) too many kids, or any kids. (1d) more subcategories will definitely come up. (2) I’ve rankled at obscene salaries and perks paid to CEOs and (mis)directors of cor- BOB MORGAN MOAB, UTAH porations. We'd debate as to what, if anything, we could do to “reel it in.” (2b) And the obscene oil company profits while most of us fume at the pump? “Reel (some of) it in” ... to U.S. treasury. (2c) Can we increase the tax on gasoline? Which could be re-directed anywhere, such as public transit, highway maintenance, etc. (UNCLE BEBOP)... The first thing I’d do would be to limit senators and congressmen to a maximum of 2 terms...no more fatcats gettin’ fatter at our expense while they don’t do SQUAT... (3) Legalize it. When faced with matters needing resolution with a high indecision quotient, I would consider the “negative calibration standard.” During my last short-lived job I had a boss and his assistant who were two of the lamest excuses for human beings I have ever met. Anus Phardington and his cohort, the Pumpkin-Bellied Pumpkin-Head (PBPH) probably never wonder why any- and everything they look at appears like the inside of their rectums. When my cabinet and I face with uncertainty a course of action, I’d have my secret Revamp income taxes to ONE police (I don’t want any ‘direct lines’ to those two!) ferret out the PBPH and Anus’ rec- ommendations. Whatever they thought should be done, we'd turn one-hundred-eighty degrees and chances would be real good that that would be what should be done. ized... Moratorium on new car sales until energy independence has been realized... Oh yeah...arrest George Bush and his cabinet and charge them with crimes against humanity... And Buddy ,that’s just the beginning!!! MZ. PUEO-FEATHER...LOCATION UNKNOWN You ask me to tell you what I would do if I were president. First, I wouldn't tell anybody what I would do if elected, and that would greatly reduce the possibility that I would be smeared by bogus scandals, lose various members of my family to questionable suicides, plane crashes, or premature “heart attacks,” or be assassinated myself. In fact, I might take a lesson from our present VP, and have dopey, folksy, easily manipulated golem actually be the manifest candidate, who would then make me his running mate. JOHN ANDREWS...MOAB, UTAH I would do several things: cabinet, ed, other than those made privately and “disingenuously” ( new code for “lying through your teeth”) to large Energy Policy Create a new department named National En- fund NERD. Let's get some R&D real energy policies in place . going and some Salary Cap Who needs more than $25 million/year? Any individual who makes more than $25 million/year I’m just curi- has to perform 1 month of community server for presently every extra $250,000 they make. Let’s see Donald Trump picking up trash on the highway. before I take office, will immediately cease. epeleon Each man and woman would be allowed 2 offspring. If a man fathers a third, he loses one testicle. If he fathers a fourth, he loses the other testicle. If a woman bears a third child Of course, all wars, either | ongoing, or those which may be engaged We will begin to negotiate with people, instead of wiping them off the face little testy. And, the great wads of money saved as a she loses an ovary, bears a fourth child, lose the last ovary. Same thing goes for cats. result, will be put into the technological development of clean, cheap, renewable energy, as well as alternatives to the internal combustion engine. We'll invest in our schools, libraries, in local sustainable community building, health care and affordable housing for all.....and everybody gets a paid day off from work on their birthday! Also, so as not to waste our weaponry, or have it fall into the wrong hands..... well, suffice it to say that Glen Canyon and Hetch Hetchy Dams, as well as a few others, need a little “shock and awe.” Yeah, in my dreams.... HOWARD be en- ergy Research & Development (NERD for short). Take 1/2 the budget of the Dept of Defense and _ how two steel towers can collapse identi_ cally at freefall speed through the paths of the earth whenever we feel a along with their families, would rolled in Medicare with no prescription coverage or supplemental insurance for their term of service. Maybe that will wake the bastards up! donors from the military-industrial _ complex, 1 would, on January 21, 2009, | with the powers vested in me, indict Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Wolfowitz, et al _ for war crimes and>treason. I would also | form an ongoing commission, with sub| poena power, to find out, once and for all, of greatest resistance. Hey! Medical Care Every member of Congress, myself and my a Then, because I really don’t need to make any detailed promises to anyone to be elect- Ss rate for everyone,no ex- emptions or other BS! Everyone pays the same percentage of income.Businesses pay one rate too,certain percentage of profit... NO EXEMPTIONS OR EXCEPTIONS! Mandatory health care for all..we gotta get SOMETHING for our tax dollars! Moratorium on new housing construction until all housing is occupied and energy independence has been real- MARK AUSTIN...BOULDER, UTAH If I were President of the United States. I would resign effective immediately. Reason: It is a hopeless situation, we have screwed ourselves through arrogance and greed! Additionally, religion has not helped out. Oh, I almost forgot that it has exacerbated the situation. Where are the aliens when we really need them any- TRENHOLME...MOAB, UTAH way? What the fook? Over and out. The mess inherited by me as your new president is enormous. The economy is in dire straits, foreign policy decisions of my predecessor have all but bankrupted our once strong economy. Our continued addiction to oil has benefited the short term mindset mired in greed. This government and country has neglected the most important aspect ANGUS M. THUERMER, JR... JACKSON, WYOMING of America, the people. Americans must once again be at the top of their government’’s priority list. A few key shifts in policy will come into effect. (1) The way tax payer dollars will be spent. In order to reign in overseas spending our foreign policy will shift. We will begin immediate withdraws from the 130 countries around the world and bring our troops home. In the place of this military spending tax dollars will be spent on humanitarian needs of the people of these occupied territories including food and medicine. It is my belief that paradigm shift in our approach will reduce the level of potential threats to our country. If we wish for freedom and democracy we must invest in helping and not hurting our neighbors around the world. If I were president I would work to; Rename the Department of Defense the Depart- ment of War. Mandate a tax district for those protected by the dikes lining major rivers, requiring residents, not the rest of the country, to pay for their own protection and envi- ronmental restoration. Move the U.S. Forest Service from under the auspices Department of Agriculture to the Department of Interior. Tell the Animal Plant Health Inspection Service it has no jurisdiction over Yellowstone wildlife, that brucellosis came from cows in the first place. Give the Peace Corps planes to bomb Myanmar with rice and water. Put Bush Administration officials responsible for the $35 million “drug interdiction” payment to the Taliban in 2001 - bait for resuming talks on a trans-Afghanistan oil pipeline - in the same cell as John Walker Lindh. Decree that those who crash into and kill a big game animal while driving lose their hunting license for that species that year. Repeal the tax write-off on mortgage interest paid for second homes. Redefine the Colorado River Compact to recognize the benefit of in-stream flows. Comfort (2) Give all Americans basic health care. The US will no longer be at the bottom of the list when it comes to health care around the developed world. the afflicted, afflict the comfortable. Predicate oil and gas lease decisions on field devel- opment plans so all impacts are recognized up front. End the American Apartheid of With a portion of the monies saved from our past migrant service workers from Mexico by military spending invested in the American people. No American should fear need for health care because of money or lack of it. : (3) Massive overhaul of internal infrastructure including the rapid development of legitimizing their presence with visas, allowing them to join our society and obtain drivers’ licenses, health insurance and services paid for by their tax money. 20 |